I need some advice and please don't quote this post as I may delete it.
I was put in the foster system at a young age and was aware my biological mother had several more children after me (I was he first) I was later adopted by one of my foster parents. There was limited contact with my siblings (I met them maybe 5 times)
I have a half sister about 3 years younger than me. When I was 15 her foster worker contacted me that she was eager to meet up and would I like to. We caught up once and had lunch and it was pleasant and exchanged phone numbers but neither of us really kept in touch and she phoned me a few times asking awkward things like could I call a friends mum and pretend I was taking them to the city with me.
She had a pretty hard life as her father took her in when our biological mother lost custody and didn't sound like she had the best time of it.
Anyway about 4 years ago she tracked me down on Facebook and we had a little convo but straight away went on about how another of our siblings causes her problems and caused her to lose a baby and that I was her sister and she loved me so much and I'm ashamed to say I didn't really feel comfortable taking the step to having her in my life.... I had just had a baby two weeks earlier and I jut wasn't in the frame of mind to deal with it all. I was mulling it over in my mind and time just got away from me and I didn't accept her friend request and she didn't write back to me.
Anyway it's four years later an she has just tried to make contact again and I don't know what to do. We have ha such different upbringings and I have spent over 30 years as an only child. I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with her but don't know if I want to meet and try to have a sisterly bond... I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like she has done something wrong....
Please be gentle with your responses. I am really struggling with this all and it's making me sick to my stomach.
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20-11-2015 11:40 #1
Really need advice adoption/biological sibling issue
20-11-2015 11:52 #2
hi meld. it is hard to know what to do. she seems to have some "demons" some troubles in her life. it may be just that she has had a hard life, and she wants to make changes. if that is the case, I see nothing wrong with you taking on her friendship. but if she has a lot of difficulties, perhaps emotional, perhaps even just financial, do you feel strong enough to 'carry' her.? this relationship might be a one sided affair for some time. I would be cautious, if you feel you are strong enough to walk away if things go bad, then maybe make the offer of friendship. hugs, marie.
20-11-2015 11:57 #3
I'm also in the early stages of finding my biological family, and I have a sister who I have yet to contact (too scared). Although I do have contact with my uncle and his family.
It is so so hard. In my circle (adoption support groups on facebook) many have had similar issues as you. You don't have to have contact with her, but it so hard to be the one rejected. If you want some links we have a great support group for adoptees from around Australia, it is a small group of people who are really great!
Can you put boundaries in place right at the start? Go slow, slow...
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