Maybe you need to organise a weekend away so he can be in charge of the kids on his own for a couple of days. He will then see how much you have to do!
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19-11-2015 14:15 #11
19-11-2015 14:16 #12
Partner does nothing
Mine doesn't cook or clean on a regular basis, but helps out if we have people coming over, parties etc, but he always helps with the kids and does 80% of the garden maintenance.
He usually gets home as I'm dishing up dinner, so he helps the kids get dried and dressed in their PJ's, we eat, he brushes their teeth while I tidy up and then we both put them to bed and go relax together.
Make him a list and tell him to pull his finger out. Your job isn't 9-5 and they are his kids too.
19-11-2015 14:23 #13
19-11-2015 14:24 #14
See I think this stuff is a negotiation type situation.
My DD is about to turn 3. During the last three years both DH and I have worked...and we've both either been at home while the other worked.
In the beginning with being a SAHM it was really tough adjusting. As time went on i was able to negotiate stuff more readily with DH.
I'm now not working and staying at home. ..and he's working.
I've told him I'll happily clean and cook. He has to do the yard. He cleans is dishes at night time. Empties dishwasher. He irons his own clothes and will get up with DD on weekends.
Sometimes he complains though. Lol. But I do too!
I think you should sit down calmly and talk about how you're feeling. Suggest he does something you want him to do.
19-11-2015 15:16 #15
hi fluffykitty, when I was a sahm, I did everything inside the house and he did the yard work. if I needed a hand with something, I asked and he helped. that is how we managed. He had a job that took him away from home for average of 3 weeks at a time, so I got used to doing everything on my own anyway. I never put pressure on myself for the house to be spotless. I often think we mums put a lot of stress on ourselves because our houses are not spotless, and the children are not well behaved little angels. sometimes we need to just relax a little bit, and life would be more comfortable. in your situation, I do think he is being a bit selfish, and lazy. perhaps a list of what you need help with, telling him he needs to start helping you more, and he can choose which jobs he will do. I don't see much point in having repeated arguments, over the same stuff, if he wont help, then you might need to get a cleaner. I don't know what else you can do. marie.
19-11-2015 15:51 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
You are not his slave... I would go on strike. If he's hungry, he can feed himself, if he wants clean clothes, he can do it himself etc
I would not tolerate that sort of laziness. Lift your game or leave buddy.
19-11-2015 15:53 #17
My DH is exactly as you described. I work casually at the moment but usually at least 2 shifts a week - either on the weekend when he's got the kids or on a Monday when mum has them.
We go in cycles. I get completely jack of doing everything and either loose it (cue tears and a fight) or am more diplomatic and being it up in a nice way at the right time about not feeling valued at all and like I'm expected to cook, clean and follow around after everyone being there hand maiden. Then he improves for a bit, we agree on him doing hand dishes while I stack dishwasher once kids are in bed and we tidy up kids toys together and in about 20 mins it's all done.
Then a week or so later he does less and less until I'm back to doing it all again. Then rinse and repeat.
Drives me nuts. Thing is DH just thinks leave it, it doesn't matter, therefore because I want it done cos I don't want to live in a pig sty, I'll do it and just get angrier and angrier.
Sorry I'm not much help. Luckily my DH will shower the kids, as in, he will have a shower and I will bring in the baby and then go get him once he is cleaned, but at least it's something!
19-11-2015 15:55 #18
19-11-2015 16:03 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
19-11-2015 16:07 #20
Agree with other PPs, he needs to pull his finger out. Hubby works a lot but will still come home and help with dishes, washing and getting DS fed and ready for bed. I do everything else (all other cleaning and cooking) but I do want a bit of a hand in the evenings so we can then sit down and relax once 7pm hits and DS is in bed.
One constant fight we had though was over the yard. The gardening literally never got done (we both hate gardening and weekends are always so busy) so we (well, I) decided to just get a gardener to come around once a month and maintain it for us. It's a little bit of money but our sanity and endless fights over gardening has improved a huge amount, and the garden is now enjoyable and not a constant mess. That has really helped too, as now its only the inside that needs maintaining.
Tell hubby to pull his finger out or you will get someone in to help you out!
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