I'm so sorry that your mother had passed. It must be such a difficult time, not made any easier by insensitive family members. I too would be very hurt and upset in this situation. What your sister did was disrespectful to your mother.
Sending hugs your way
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Results 11 to 18 of 18
13-11-2015 12:08 #11
13-11-2015 12:28 #12
Im so sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else, your sister's actions were incredibly insensitive. I would be horrified!
Unfortunately some people have no tact and see a death as an opportunity for personal gain. My uncle was taking my grandfathers things as soon as it was apparent that my grandfather wasn't going to be going home from hospital. He had access to all my grandfathers accounts (power of attorney) and tried to hide money from the estate. He refused to release money to pay for a good quality nursing home when we thought he would be able to leave hospital and go to a care facility. He got my grandfathers unit when he passed and then complained about having to pay for some minor repairs, even suggesting that my dad contribute to the repairs out of his share of the inheritance! Needless to say, my dad now doesn't speak to my uncle.
I hope you're able to put their actions behind you and move on knowing you did nothing wrong. They acted very selfishly and their defensiveness suggests that they know it was wrong, they just don't want to admit it.
13-11-2015 12:29 #13
I would be really upset if that happened to me. I have a good relationship with my sister so I really struggle to understand families where there's so much discord. The timing was all wrong. There is no way the day of the funeral should be the day you swoop in like a vulture and start claiming stuff for yourself. The issue with death and funerals is that they bring out the true colours of people.
When my grandparents were sick, one of my uncles never visited. Dad would fly interstate a few times a year and help one of his brothers sort out hospital things, home visits from palliative care teams and then helping them move into the nursing home, visit them etc. When they died, hardly any of the above uncles kids came to either of the funerals. My aunt and uncle came, sure and made it all about them. When it was time for them to sort through all their stuff said uncle swooped in and took their car (amongst other things) for his son who had just got his license. Didn't even pay for it.
Point is, I think some people act this way out of guilt. They realise their shortcomings with the person who had died and act like total jerks. It's their own guilty conscience coming in to play. Just try move past the anger and hurt you're feeling and focus on all the memories you have of time spent with your beautiful mum. Time and memories that your sister doesn't have. What you have is much more valuable than a fridge and other material items.
13-11-2015 15:34 #14
When my grandma died my mum, an only child, quickly removed all the valuables from the house before the vultures swooped in. Which she then distributed out to the right people. She knew a few people had the key to her house.
There had been friends of the family who were chronic brown nosers hoping to get into the will. They laid claim to a lot of the antiques telling outright lies to claim them. We ended up letting them have them as if they had disputed the will it could have been held up for ages, even if they didn't have a leg to stand on. I consider it a payment to never have to see them again.
13-11-2015 16:23 #15
I am so sorry for your loss OP .
I am just going to echo the sentiments in here and say that I think you are well justified in your hurt. I think your Sister and Bil were extremely insensitive and with poor timing and form. I know for sure if my Sister did that (whom I love very much) I would be just as bewildered, hurt and miffed at the timing.
I hope your Sister will see the insensitivity she has shown and one day come and give you the big hug you deserve.
Your Mum would know doubt be very proud of the dignified way in which you have handled everything, including the Funeral arrangements whilst going through grief, so please don't think you're unjustified in your feelings at this time, you can hold your head high.
Be gentle on yourself and surround yourself with those who can love and nurture you through your grieving. xx
13-11-2015 17:26 #16
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Losing a mum is hard enough without dealing with hurtful behaviour from others.
Are you right to feel hurt? You're right to feel however you feel in a particular situation. I would probably feel just like you in this.
People grieve differently and cope with loss differently. This may have been your sister's way to cope, by "doing" instead of "feeling". This may be her way. Doesn't make it right, but it may be the motivation.
They could also have just been greedy sh*ts. I don't know.
I think your brother could have taken better control as the executor to ensure your mother's wishes were respected.
And, I always think writing as much down before someone's passing is best. Who gets what. How things are to be divided. It can avoid some of this.
However, none of that takes away the hurt. Once again I'm so very sorry for your loss.
13-11-2015 18:55 #17
I'm so sorry for ur loss 😔
I'd be terribly upset if one of my siblings did this. Its very inappropriate and inconsiderate I agree at any time let alone the day of the funeral.
Don't feel bad u have done nothing wrong. I couldn't live with myself if I did what ur sister and bil did.
Big hugs. I hope she comes to her senses and apologies for her behavior but please don't feel bad. You have enough to deal with right now xx
16-11-2015 09:11 #18Junior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2015
'Every post has encouraged me - thank you to everyone that posted and sorry to those who have gone through this.
While my sister played a big part in this, my brother in law was the one behind it all and admitted this to my Dh but still isn't saying sorry..he said theire conscience is clear.
I was at mum's the other day just tidying some things up and noticed the kettle has gone - we cant even make a cup of Tea!! My brother comes to mow the lawns, now I have to bring our own kettle. I rememeber my sister saying they were taking the kettle as their kettle was broken. This story gets more heart-breaking.
Thanks again for your love and support, it means a lot.
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