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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Country WA
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    Oh Hun, major, major hugs. Pregnancy after a loss is so hard emotionally. Be kind to yourself. I think what you're feeling is normal.

    Please don't let anyone, even your mother, make you feel you shouldn't have L's ribbons, photos etc out in the open. L is your child. Just as much as belly babe is. She should be remembered and celebrated however you see fit. She is not something to be hidden away. That's not healthy.

    I think it's great you have her things out. Keep them there as long as you want and need to. Your Mum probably means well, but it's not her decision to make xx

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Californication For This Useful Post:

    delirium  (07-11-2015),francesthecat  (29-11-2015)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    @francesthecat I remember when you lost L, it must have been so heartbreaking for you. I am so happy to read that you have another little one on the way and if you're planning a shower I'm guessing you are quite far along. Absolutely wonderful news!!
    like everyone else has said it is perfectly normal to think of L at this time and don't let anyone tell you you can't have her things on display, even if the suggestion was well intended that is something for you as L's mummy to decide.
    congratulations again and wishing you all the best for the safe arrival of your Bub.

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    francesthecat  (29-11-2015)

  5. #13
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Hugs xx I'm so very sorry for your loss.
    You are not disrespecting your darling L or your new daughter by thinking of L during this time. I actually think it's a beautiful, positive thing to be happening and just means you have an enormous amount of motherly instinct and love coursing through you. You are relating this pregnancy to your last and that's totally normal and very common. I'd see it as a natural, positive thing. It's OK. I wish you could see that and not feel so guilty, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You are carrying L's sister and feeling that connection is wonderful.
    I remember looking at my DD after she was born and was thrilled to see her little face was the spitting image of my first son. It was like reliving the best years of my life again, it was as if I'd been transported back to when DS was a baby and that was so amazingly exciting for me as I'd waited 12 years between babies.
    As for L's little mementos, I don't see why anyone should be suggesting removing them, you can keep them right where you want them for ever if you want to, there's absolutely no reason why you need to pack them away.
    Congratulations on your second baby! 🎉🎉🎉

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    francesthecat  (29-11-2015)

  7. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I've had similar thoughts. My beautiful boy was born at 22 weeks and died a few hours later. I'm now 16 weeks pregnant and still assuming this one will die too.

    I've found out we're having a girl though this time. My horrible thought is my sudden realisation via the gender that this is not ds2. He's dead and he's not coming back. And now all I want is him. I don't even know what to do with these thoughts.

    I'm sure this post is no help at all except maybe to let you know it's not just you?

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    francesthecat  (29-11-2015)

  9. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hi Ladies,

    I wanted to say a huge and very heartfelt thank you for your kindness and support.
    Your replies have made me fell like a more normal person, not a horrid one.

    I miss my Baby and like every other Mum who has lost their child forever will.
    But now each time, I think of this baby Anastasia moving or a weekly milestone. If I think of my daughter L, I say no this baby is Anastasia. I keep using her name and talking to her.
    We chose the name, as it means resurrection, as she has given us hope for a future. I believed everything was lost and life was useless when she died.

    I refused to to put away Lily's flowers photos etc, I just tidy everything up made it neat and clean.

    Also I'm working through my anxiety with a counsellor again, certainly helping. I had lots grief therapy after her death. But the new baby had brought up lots of fresh grief. I feel I can look to the future now, abit happier and positive.

    Thank you all again

  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to francesthecat For This Useful Post:

    Bellydance  (01-12-2015),Californication  (29-11-2015),Mod-biscotti  (29-11-2015),ScubaGal  (29-11-2015),~Marigold~  (29-11-2015)


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