Has anyone been in a situation where they want to move house, but their DH doesn't?
A bit of background. DH and I bought the house we live in 5 years ago. It is a beautiful house, it suits us and our family (2 DD's) perfectly, it needs nothing doing to it. We have added a big pergola, done up the back yard. It has increased in value in that 5 years.
The downside...our house is in a newly designed development and we are on the main road in and out of the development, and its a busy road. There is no footpath on our side of the street and the kids cannot ride their bikes out the front, we dont ever go out the front to play and as such, while there are other kids in our street, we literally never see them. I have never ever been in to our neighbours houses on either side. I know them to wave to and that's it.
Recently I have been looking at blocks of land nearby (and when I say nearby, like literally less than 1-2km's away) that are in quiet courts at the back of the estate, or in a new estate right next door. The estate next door is beautiful with lots of trees.
We owe virtually nothing on our mortgage so DH is happy that we are able to easily meet the repayments etc, take holidays, do what we want. But, I cant
shake the feeling that we are not in our long term house. Funnily enough, if we build elsewhere, I actually want to downsize. Even though this house suits us, there are a couple of rooms too many that we actually rarely use.
So, have you been in a position where one partner wants to move and the other doesn't, and how did you resolve it?
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31-10-2015 20:40 #1
I want to move house, DH doesnt.....
31-10-2015 20:47 #2
I wanted to move, H didn't.
We resolved it by me having a valid reason to move- a new baby.
31-10-2015 20:51 #3
31-10-2015 20:51 #4
I want to move house, DH doesnt.....
We sort of are, we love where we live for the convenience of it but financially we are treading water. Our problem is we can't agree on where to move to, DH moves job sites often and our current location is perfect for travel no matter where he goes. We feel stuck and unsure what to do but he shoots down all my location ideas so we continue to tread water. Sorry not much help really.
What is it that your DH is reluctant the most about?
31-10-2015 21:10 #5
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31-10-2015 21:17 #6
Considering I know the area you live
What about rent a smaller house to see if you like it?
I want to move interstate and DH doesn't so bit different
01-11-2015 06:10 #7
I am sort of in a similar position...except our house is too small for us & needs a lot doing to it. I want to just up & leave now whereas DP wants to take a couple of years to fix it up a bit before moving on. The main reason I want to move is because the yard is hopeless, uneven and mostly concrete. I can't just send DD to play out there happily. All I want is a flat house that opens out onto a flat yard really, but it looks like I'll have to wait! Financially it makes more sense to wait, DD gets outdoor time at day care and at my mums, plus I take her to parks when I can. Not hugely helpful to you But just letting you know I can relate!
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01-11-2015 06:22 #8
I am pretty much in the same predicament. DH bought this house before I came along and I've been busting at the seams to buy "our" home together. I've never felt that this was "my" home. We have no mortgage and DH refuses to ever have a mortgage again so upsizing is next to impossible.
Oh the fights we've had and the tears that have been shed.
DH gives me 95% of what I want but when he digs his heels in, there is no winning that argument. His argument is that we don't need more room, we're in a great area and we need to save the money we'll need to upgrade.
I had to be ok with staying here. It took time and a lot of grieving but what choice did I have? Like they say, if you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, then change how you feel about it.
Probably not what you wanted to hear op, sorry 😒
01-11-2015 07:02 #9
if that doesn't work, just be honest and tell him what you've told us? sounds like a pretty legit reason to want to move. I'd hate to live on a main road and with two kids, it'd be nice to be in a quiet street where you feel safe having them play out the front. what's wrong with that?
01-11-2015 07:25 #10
OP, if you're staying in the same suburb will your ideal actually happen? (Kids playing in the street, friendly neighbours etc).
We just moved from the outer suburbs, lots of new estates, soooo many kids (the enrollment at the government primary schools in just that suburb would be close to 5000). We were on a court end and lived there for almost 2 years. We were always friendly but barely knew our neighbours, even in a court end it wasn't safe to let 7yo DD play out the front as there just wasn't the attitude of everyone looking out for everyone else - plus our neighbour had a teenage son and his mates on their Ps would hoon around the blind corner. In walks you would see kids playing in some courts but they would have an adult/teenage sibling out with them.
We've moved to a country town about 20 min out from the outer suburbs and we've not been here a month and already know most of our neighbours by name, will catch up for a drink or stop to chat with a couple of them and DD has made a friend a few doors down. We're on a through street with no footpaths but very wide nature strips/verge and I feel totally safe with DD out the front.
So for us, the quiet court in the burbs did not provide the sort of environment we had hoped for.
I would be very hesitant going into a new build with those expectations as you have no idea who your neighbours will be.
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