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  1. #11
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    Honestly, in *my* relationship it wouldn't bother me...not to sound rude but I would be annoyed in your case given your husband's self-serving behaviour over the years that you've posted about.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I don't see birthdays as a big deal to be honest. I've had too many of them.

    My DH used to get together with his mates when one of them had a baby so I understand the desire to do it. But never for half a day and not with a hangover the next day. It's not fair.
    ditto re bdays. they don't even register on my radar really. I'm actually responding to the OP's post in the context of it being an ordinary weekend and not her bday. but when you factor in its her bday, plus her child is in surgery, it makes his behaviour seem even worse.

  4. #13
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    yeah same. It probably wouldnt bother me that much - but by the same token, he shows me daily how much he appreciates everything I do ... so a day off for him to spend with his mates would be ok.

    But in your case OP ... he doesnt. Definitely not ok.

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    In my relationship and it wasnt around my birthday I wouldnt care.
    If it was around my bday and we were unable to celebrate as a family i would be annoyed and say no and explain why.

    In your case and reading other posts I would leave him with the kids for the weekend and tell him to pull his head out and look after his kids while you celebrate your birthday with friends.

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    Normally I don't care about my bday, it's been especially non eventful since having kids, so generally I wouldn't care, BUT, I've been going to the gym and working really hard to lose weight and try and get fit etc, a few weeks ago I told him that my first goal was to be able to feel 'ok' about getting a new dress /outfit and have a night out for my bday. To have a bit more confidence in myself to be able to go into a store and find something to wear that I didn't feel like a big fat whale. So anyway I haven't quite reached that point but I have lost 3.1kgs in 3 weeks, and I still want to celebrate my bday, and when he came out with the head wetting for the exact weekend after my bday and after ds's surgery, it just rubbed me the wrong way, I felt like we were an after thought. He kept going on and on about he didn't plan it, it was his mate who picked the day, and I said that's not the point, you still want to and probably will go. Then he goes 'but it's a head wetting' (as if to imply it was more important than his own wife's bday and own child's surgery) so I said ITS NOT *YOUR* BABY!!

    He just didn't seem to *get* it...

    Maybe I over reacted but it just felt insensitive on DS's part and that he preferred a night out drinking with his mates than with me and other friends.

    Oh, hahahaha then he says 'Fine, I won't go to the head wetting and we will celebrate *your* bday, but just know that all *my* mates will be at the head wetting'. - as in HIS mates!

    I wanted to punch him in the face! I don't give a flying **** that *his* mates will be at the head wetting and not my bday! So I just said 'oh yeah, I couldn't possibly celebrate MY bday without YOUR mates'

    😡😡

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    From previous posts i would say there is an ongoing issue here
    But. ..if you've never really bothered with birthdays much before and as a couple you've never done anything that special then I can see that it would be surprising that for some reason this year was different. He couldn't have known that this year you wanted it to be different.

    In saying that, in my relationship it wouldn't be okay. DH loves birthdays so we usually try to do something to make the other person feel special.

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    I would tell him you're going out to celebrate your birthday with *your* mates and he can now do neither and stay home and mind the kids.

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    Go get that new dress and tell him "Im going out with MY mates for a change"

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  14. #19
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    I'm going to be blunt. Your DH is a douche. This is an on going issue with him continually putting him and his mates first. It's YOUR birthday. I would tell him that you don't give a flying f&@$ whose head wetting it is and do as other posters have suggested, but the dress and go out with your friends. You're not over reacting, he's really not a nice person to even suggest this to you OP.

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    Agree with others, I would probably be a bit jealous but ok with it if it wasn't around the time of the op. But then my husband treats me well.

    There is an ongoing pattern here OP. He acts like an 18 year old single lad gallivanting around on overseas surfing holidays while you are at home with the child. If you say no he becomes emotionally manipulative and keeps going until you give in.

    Nothing is going to change until you realise you deserve so much more in a partner than this. Frankly you sound far more accommodating than most women.

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