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30-10-2015 19:15 #61
30-10-2015 19:34 #62
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30-10-2015 20:04 #63
30-10-2015 20:55 #64
I work 30 hours per week leaving at 7 each morning, make breakfast and lunch for (at least) DD and I, do her hair, then pick up DD after school each day strictly at 3pm. There is no budging from the hours - it's not like day care. Then there's the birthday parties, parent nights - oh my effing heck don't get me started on the parent socialising mixer nights every few weeks, not happening!
DH takes DD to swimming on a Saturday and takes her to school each day. He does help around the house, but there's a very, very, strict line of division.
I refuse to do all of the housework, shopping etc. I don't wash DH's clothes let alone fold and iron, we have separate laundry baskets. He has the ensuite and walk in robe so I don't have to clean up after him (I use the spare room and the second bathroom), and I'm known to stand in the kitchen holding up a dish saying "is this finished with?" well knowing that this means ... "put it in the f-ing dishwasher". I'm happy to pack up his lunch if it's leftovers or I'm making sandwiches etc it's just as easy to do three. But if not? Fend for yourself. He doesn't make my lunch.
Each weekend I physically wake him up to come to the markets (it's cheaper and fresher) to buy fruit and veg because food landing in people's mouths is not a magic process, someone does it.
DH is self employed, goes to his sport at least three times per week (two weeknights and a sunday morning) so I've started going to movies every couple of weekends. I just walk out and say "I'm going out, see you later." It's taken years to sink in, but I just figure I've learnt it from him, and I'm making notes.
He's always helped, but I've pushed and resisted and justified and shed many tears, and questioned myself, but I think that now we had the right balance. If I didn't, there would be a very different division and outcome. I've worked part time since DD was 4 months old (starting 1 day per week), and I've always been financially independent. As a man coming from a very paternal household, I had to fight for it but it worked.
Maybe not the answer for OP, but it's hard work to get the balance right, and in my experience I really had to fight for it.
30-10-2015 22:22 #65
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30-10-2015 22:31 #66
31-10-2015 05:46 #67
31-10-2015 06:19 #68
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31-10-2015 06:35 #69
Fighting with your spouse
as far as I can see, when you're both childless/working fulltime, the division of chores is usually (or should be) split 50/50.
when a child comes along, the division of chores (imo anyway) should remain 50/50.
what's changed? mum now has a new "fulltime job" (aka bub) and dad is still going to his old fulltime job.
it's that simple.
just because mum isn't going into the office and bringing home the big bucks doesn't make what she's now doing any less important. you both signed up to this gig when you decided to have a child. at what point does dad get off thinking "well wifey is at home, I get a free ride from here on in". no. sorry, it just doesn't work that way.
I dunno, maybe there needs to be more communication leading up to this before bubs is born. like to manage expectations etc.
sorry OP, not terribly helpful to you right now but just putting my 2c in.
I'd just make a time to both talk this through, and not when you're in an argument/feeling resentful. make a time to go out for breakfast or coffee together just you two and try and talk it through. it's really unfair he's not doing his share.
Last edited by turquoisecoast; 31-10-2015 at 06:39.
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31-10-2015 06:38 #70
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