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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Agree with this, being a SAHM is the hardest I've ever worked too, it's 24/7. Just a little bit different than the OP's situation though as having 3 days of childcare would make a big difference.
    Yeah I missed the post about the day care.

    Still tho, I'm sure her partner is capable of at least cleaning up after himself 😊

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    Yeah I missed the post about the day care.

    Still tho, I'm sure her partner is capable of at least cleaning up after himself 😊
    Oh of course he is mums aren't slaves!

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  4. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Can I ask @DT75 do you want me be a SAHM once the baby is born? I mean beyond the "usual" 12 months (give or take).
    Honestly, I don't know.
    I have never not worked, and find the thought terrifying.

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  6. #64
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    I work 30 hours per week leaving at 7 each morning, make breakfast and lunch for (at least) DD and I, do her hair, then pick up DD after school each day strictly at 3pm. There is no budging from the hours - it's not like day care. Then there's the birthday parties, parent nights - oh my effing heck don't get me started on the parent socialising mixer nights every few weeks, not happening!

    DH takes DD to swimming on a Saturday and takes her to school each day. He does help around the house, but there's a very, very, strict line of division.

    I refuse to do all of the housework, shopping etc. I don't wash DH's clothes let alone fold and iron, we have separate laundry baskets. He has the ensuite and walk in robe so I don't have to clean up after him (I use the spare room and the second bathroom), and I'm known to stand in the kitchen holding up a dish saying "is this finished with?" well knowing that this means ... "put it in the f-ing dishwasher". I'm happy to pack up his lunch if it's leftovers or I'm making sandwiches etc it's just as easy to do three. But if not? Fend for yourself. He doesn't make my lunch.

    Each weekend I physically wake him up to come to the markets (it's cheaper and fresher) to buy fruit and veg because food landing in people's mouths is not a magic process, someone does it.

    DH is self employed, goes to his sport at least three times per week (two weeknights and a sunday morning) so I've started going to movies every couple of weekends. I just walk out and say "I'm going out, see you later." It's taken years to sink in, but I just figure I've learnt it from him, and I'm making notes.

    He's always helped, but I've pushed and resisted and justified and shed many tears, and questioned myself, but I think that now we had the right balance. If I didn't, there would be a very different division and outcome. I've worked part time since DD was 4 months old (starting 1 day per week), and I've always been financially independent. As a man coming from a very paternal household, I had to fight for it but it worked.

    Maybe not the answer for OP, but it's hard work to get the balance right, and in my experience I really had to fight for it.

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  8. #65
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    OP I just saw this and thought of you for some reason

    ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1446207769.592157.jpg

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  10. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    This. Is. Me lolol.

    Except both our two are pre schoolers - neither in daycare tho

    My sil told me that she reckons she was busier once her girls were at school 😑
    I agree with your SIL, with two at school things have got crazy with all the running around - it's amazing how little you get done when you drop them at 8.55 and have to be back at 3.30. I had all these grand plans about how life would change and I could take in full time work when they were both at school - now I think I'm a comedian cause I can't get my head around normal days let alone school holidays.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    I agree with your SIL, with two at school things have got crazy with all the running around - it's amazing how little you get done when you drop them at 8.55 and have to be back at 3.30. I had all these grand plans about how life would change and I could take in full time work when they were both at school - now I think I'm a comedian cause I can't get my head around normal days let alone school holidays.
    I think I'm prepared as mine goto Childcare wihile I'm a SAHM

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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    I think I'm prepared as mine goto Childcare wihile I'm a SAHM
    So did mine as I worked part time then too but it still didn't prepare me, childcare can be as long as you need it to be during centre hours, school can't unless you want to do before and after care, not to mention there are no term holidays at Childcare.

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    Default Fighting with your spouse

    as far as I can see, when you're both childless/working fulltime, the division of chores is usually (or should be) split 50/50.

    when a child comes along, the division of chores (imo anyway) should remain 50/50.

    what's changed? mum now has a new "fulltime job" (aka bub) and dad is still going to his old fulltime job.

    it's that simple.

    just because mum isn't going into the office and bringing home the big bucks doesn't make what she's now doing any less important. you both signed up to this gig when you decided to have a child. at what point does dad get off thinking "well wifey is at home, I get a free ride from here on in". no. sorry, it just doesn't work that way.

    I dunno, maybe there needs to be more communication leading up to this before bubs is born. like to manage expectations etc.

    sorry OP, not terribly helpful to you right now but just putting my 2c in.

    I'd just make a time to both talk this through, and not when you're in an argument/feeling resentful. make a time to go out for breakfast or coffee together just you two and try and talk it through. it's really unfair he's not doing his share.
    Last edited by turquoisecoast; 31-10-2015 at 06:39.

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  16. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    OP I just saw this and thought of you for some reason

    Attachment 74886
    I really love this. Thank you for posting it xx

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