So my not so DH and I keep having the same fight like a broken record. It goes along the lines of something like this. I feel unappreciated for all that I do for our household. I confront him about how I feel that he doesn't listen to me and that I don't feel heard (he's forever interrupting me, cutting me off and speaking over me). He gets defensive and tells me I'm always complaining or looking for trouble. A fight starts. Somehow we ALWAYS end up doing this ridiculous tug of war where he tells me how stressful his job is and that I'm ungrateful (I'm so not! I'm always telling him and showing him how much I appreciate that he works for us so I can stay home for DD) and he then tells me that I have it easy. Yes you heard that right. I have it easy because I don't have to go to work. Yes because raising a child is easy isn't it? A walk in the park apparently!
I then lose my sh$t and say horrible stuff as does he and then we end up saying sorry the next day or a few days later, we're fine for a few weeks and then the sh$t starts all over again!
Am I the only one going through this or is this a regular occurrence in your household? How do you deal with it? Quite frankly it needs to stop because I can't keep doing this stupid tug of war. I just don't want to do it anymore 😔
For the most part, he's great. He bathes DD most nights and gets her ready for bed. He sometimes helps me clear up after dinner and helps with odd jobs like hanging the washing. He's definitely not lazy but I feel he becomes complacent which then leaves me feeling unappreciated.
Am I expecting too much?
Be honest but please go easy. I don't need brutality 😳
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29-10-2015 20:12 #1
Fighting with your spouse
29-10-2015 20:19 #2Senior Member
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Has your DH spent days at home with DD? Have you gone away for the weekend and left him in charge? My DH has had to do it a few times and then he remembers how hard it is and is more appreciative.
29-10-2015 20:23 #3
No advice. Dp and I get in the same argument constantly. Always about me feeling under appreciated and him always at work or golf. I don't get time to myself alone. Ever.
Love to hear the advice all the lovely ladies give u!
I've booked us a weekend away in. January. Hoping that helps but for now we are in sort of the same situation.
Hugs. It's sucks!
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29-10-2015 20:30 #4
In all honesty, I don't think I could leave her for a weekend and as sad as it sounds, I don't have the kind of friends you can go away with.
He would never admit that it's hard anyway. That's just the way he is unfortunately. Stubborn.
29-10-2015 20:31 #5
You're not asking too much. My dh does way more than that. He has to or stuff wouldn't get done! But we still argue over the division of chores and he actually insists he does more than me! We both struggle with our work loads and lack of alone time. Common argument for parents of young kids I think x
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29-10-2015 20:33 #6
I get 3 days a week where DD goes to daycare but DH thinks I sit around scratching my a$$. I use those days to catch up on housework/errands etc but yet when he comes home, the first thing he'll say is "Tough life you've got huh?"
Makes me so mad 👿👿
29-10-2015 20:39 #7
We often have a similar argument. Though I work/study part time. He often makes the point that he "works fulltime/gets paid"...great dh that really makes me feel appreciated and not worthless at all. I've felt for a long time now that he is actually jealous of me as I know he would still like to be at or working at a uni like I am. He denied it all this year though until today he finally admitted that he is a bit jealous! It's seriously the case of the grass being greener.
I don't feel like you are expecting too much at all. Maybe you and your dh are stuck in poor communication rut or something. Might be worth going to a counselor? We did a few months ago and found it helpful.
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29-10-2015 20:48 #8
29-10-2015 20:58 #9
You are not asking too much at all! He is being a pig.
I would suggest some couples counselling. Having the same argument over and over isn't healthy.
If my partner spoke to me like that I would be crushed. I stay home with our children while he works full time (I work part time from home) yet he still does 50% of everything while he is home.
29-10-2015 21:01 #10
Fighting with your spouse
We go around and around with this argument, I swear it's the only thing we ever fight about. I work part time and have sole responsibility for all child related pick up, drop off, after school, before school activities, birthday parties, cooking, cleaning, finances - I freaking do everything.
But do you think he can put a glass in the ****ing dishwasher, or pick his shoes up!! He complains the house is always messy yet he does stuff all and the kids mimic his behaviour but do you think I can convince him of this.
I love him to death and he is a great dad and interacts with the kids and all the fun stuff but jeez he's useless around the house.
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