I just want everything to work but weird random things keep going wrong! Unpreventable untreatable bull! It's just so hard! This baby had 2 good scans and then it all fell apart.
Im scared to be pregnant again.
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20-10-2015 21:19 #11
20-10-2015 23:07 #12
I don't know what to say, but I didn't want to read and run. Sending you big hugs. You've been through an awful lot and I hope however you decide to go ahead, you get the little Bub you've been waiting for xx
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20-10-2015 23:49 #13
You know almost everything I have to say, @Mod-Allymumtobe but what is super incredibly sh***y about the loss of Itsy is those two damn scans! I honestly thought when there was a bub measuring to dates and a good heartbeat that you were all in the clear. First good early scan since Angus! THAT is what will make the next time a thousand times harder.
All that being said, as someone else said, if you can find the strength to keep trying and eventually get your take home baby then all of this heartache will have been worthwhile.
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20-10-2015 23:54 #14
I just don't understand who five times this can keep happening. It's not even the same thing going wrong!!
I don't understand what I need to do. What is it that im doing that just keeps resulting in dead babies
Is there some secret code to clear a babies creation with God so my baby can live?!
I can't lose again but I can't make myself ok with not being a mother.
21-10-2015 00:00 #15
Here's the thing and it's a tough thing because you've had super crappy luck. If you try again, you very well might have another miscarriage but there is a chance that you may get your miracle baby. If you don't try again then you absolutely will not get a baby. It's tough and it's scary but I know that you need to keep trying because not being a mother to an earthside baby will kill you slowly.
Remember, we're all here to support you through everything no matter what happens.
21-10-2015 00:06 #16
Maybe gods telling me im not capable of being a mother or worthy of the gift of being a mother or maybe im already secretly dying and he doesn't want me to leave behind any beautiful babies that can't call their mummy to help them.
I feel like there has to be something to make this all right
21-10-2015 02:25 #17
No, god's not saying any of that or most of us would have taken the hint and given up long ago! Just some of us have a much harder road than most and you have been through the wringer I am so sorry for your losses.
Genetic testing definitely sounds like the way to go to me. There are only so many times you can go through losing babies and a normal tested embryo would increase your chances substantially. I know it can't catch all the problems by far but your luck has to turn at some point too.
21-10-2015 07:09 #18
5 losses and counting
I'm so sorry for all of your losses. As someone who has had 5 pregnancies with only one take home baby I feel I can, to a degree, understand your pain.
Have you been tested for MTHFR?
I came up heterozygous (positive) for this genetic mutation and it's implications are blood clotting in pregnancy along with possible low progesterone requiring support amongst other things. MTHFR can wreak havoc if untreated so it's worth a shot getting the test. It's a simple blood test done by your GP. Daily clexane injections or daily aspirin along with progesterone support (if required) could make all the difference.
It's also worthy to note that being MTHFR positive can cause genetic abnormalities (my last karyotype genetic testing after my D & C came up trisomy 21 along with placental clotting) Another important note is that being MTHFR positive means your body can not methylated certain vitamins and require an active form the most important during pregnancy being folate. Being positive to this gene means your body can not process folic acid and taking folic acid can actually make you toxic. I have to take the active form of folate and after my D & C, it was discovered I was completely depleted of folate.
Last edited by FirstTimeMummy2012; 21-10-2015 at 07:16.
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21-10-2015 09:53 #19
Oh @Mod-Allymumtobe I know we haven't connected on any of the threads but I couldn't read and run because what you are going through is absolutely heart-breaking and I can totally understand the grief and agony you are going through.
I too, questioned all of things that you did - why aren't I meant to be a Mother, what have I done wrong, didn't I eat right, take the right supps, pray hard enough etc etc. In the end I know you will come to the point where you know you did the absolute best you could, but your grief is likely to cloud that for a time. And you will be grieving hard. No one can go through what you've been through and not have the deepest, soul destroying grief. It took me more than a year to finally move past the worst of the grief from my last loss. It can make you crazy. So don't expect too much of yourself right now, just get through one day at a time, and if it helps, start making a plan while you heal.
If it was me at your age with your history, I would see an FS who does specialise in recurrent losses and have every test known to man - all the immune issues, clotting factors, dna issues, MTHFR, killer cells - the works. Then if I could afford it, yes, I would do IVF with PGD testing. It eliminates a lot of issues (although not all of them) which is going to give you a lot of peace of mind because moving forward from here is going to be stressful, no matter what. Look at the protocols such as the baby aspirin, clexane, prednisone, progesterone, intralipids or IVIG if your FS is happy to explore that direction with you.
If your pregnancies haven't had this type of medical support and intervention as above, then next time at least you will know that you are trying something different, and that something different may be the key.
It might sound like too much right now, but going through another loss would be hell, so all I can do is say that if it was me I'd be wanting to do whatever I could to prevent another loss. Actually this is exactly what I did, but being over 40, we never did get to EPU because I only ever produced one potential egg. But you are a lot younger and there is no reason you wouldn't get some good quality, healthy embryos from IVF with PGD testing.
Don't give up on your dream of having a baby, you are meant to be a mother. Hold that vision while you take the time to heal, get well, and start fresh with a new plan.
Endless hugs, it is a really hard journey.
Last edited by Summer; 21-10-2015 at 09:59.
21-10-2015 11:17 #20
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By catemer in forum Pregnancy Loss SupportReplies: 8Last Post: 22-09-2015, 20:51
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