I love my spacing of 4yrs 9months between my oldest 2. It made having a baby at home a lot easier, and despite the gap they are very close. I am about to have no 3 now but didn't do the big gap again, because the thought of dragging out the baby days any longer was quite off putting for me. So we will have a 20 month gap this time. I am worried about having 2 in care for a couple yrs, it makes me feel like I will be working solely for daycare (good thing I like my career, I guess). I just wouldn't have had it in me to get out of babyhood only to go back again - that has been the only downfall to my large gap so far.
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18-10-2015 12:44 #11
18-10-2015 13:08 #12
18-10-2015 13:30 #13
I think it depends (for me ) on your age. I want/ed 3 but put the third one off as I felt we could not afford so many in child care. Started trying, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, did not get pregnant, now I feel like the window has passed and I am too old (and the age gap too big). I regret not diving in and having three young ones close together.
18-10-2015 14:26 #14
I've got three under four - age gaps are 21 months between DS1 and DS2, and four days shy of 24 months between DS2 and DD. The gap between DS1 and DS2 was planned (although I fell pregnant immediately, we thought we might have a slightly bigger gap), and DD was not planned at all.
I did go back to work between each baby - for 8 months the first time and 10 months the second time. DS1 and DS2 are still attending childcare two days a week. I think if you can afford it - and we are living pretty simply at the moment, by no means are we rolling in it - go for #3 sooner rather than later. I love the age gaps and it seems to me that a lot of the mums in my DIG or that I've met this time around who have older children are really struggling with behaviour issues. I know it comes down to each individual child but we've not had any issues at all and I just love that they will grow up close in age - and I love being done!
However every age gap has its benefits as well and whatever you decide to do will work. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would hate aspects of our age gaps!
18-10-2015 15:54 #15
3 year gap between our 3 boys and it is what we hoped for. Life is easier is my opinion when you haven't got 2 in nappies, 2 teething etc. Ds1 had some independance before ds2 came along and the same with ds2 when ds3 arrived. It also meant not having more than 1 in daycare as the previous was in kindy as I was going back to work so cost effective. I think it's a perfect gap.
We have friends who have close gaps and really look as though they are struggling and stressed and friends that have kids with larger gaps who just seem more chilled. I know I wouldn't have coped half as well as I do had our boys been close in age. Our oldest 2 play so good together, no behavioural issues either.
18-10-2015 16:03 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
18-10-2015 16:22 #17
We considered a third for a while but we're pretty sure we're done at 2. When we were considering it, we would have aimed for a 2yr gap. We have a 3yr gap between DD and DS which I really like but I'm almost 35 so wouldn't want to wait too long. We would have to do IVF which would also be tough to do again.
I think it really depends on your current kids, any health/fertility issues, and how you cope - I struggle in the first year of having a baby, I love having them but find it very difficult and stressful.
I'm also studying for a career change and don't want to keep delaying. As it is, one subject per semester is a struggle at times.
If I had a career that I liked and didn't need to study, coped well with newborns/babies and was really sure I wanted a 3rd, I probably wouldn't put it off unless it would significantly compromise us financially.
18-10-2015 17:52 #18
We have 3 kids 5,3&newborn. I really really really wish we had them closer together. We delayed #3 as dh got sent to Afghanistan on deployment unexpectedly.
We are contemplating #4 and if we do decide we will go for it immediately as my eldest two are great company for each other and I'd like my newbie to have the same
18-10-2015 18:12 #19
So much depends on the personality of your children and their nature generally. We had a 3 and a half year gap first time and while I would have liked it to be smaller IVF meant it was what it was. It was great when they were younger and now they are 10 and 6 they are (mostly) great mates.
The next gap was 23 months. That was bl--dy hard as my 2nd was a nightmare sleeper and just difficult as a toddler. Really difficult. Honestly having her and a newborn was hell.
My next gap was 2 and a half years. This was fine. But my son was really easy and had an older sibling around to entertain him. He and his older sister (the middle 2) are still incredibly close. Funnily enough my youngest who is now 2 and her 10 year old sister are also really close.
If you will only have one more and can do it now or soon then go for it. But it's impossible to know whether it would be any easier or harder without knowing what you're kids will be like in the future.
18-10-2015 19:06 #20
Mine are 7, 5 and almost 3. I had 3 under 5. My youngest was an easy baby so I didn't find having 3 small children difficult. Having 2 in nappies didn't bother me either. Now my youngest is toilet trained, I am free of nappies altogether, apart from nights.
I have only worked part-time since having kids and with my age gaps, I did have 3 kids in daycare but only for 2 days a week. Next year my middle child starts school and once all my kids start school they will all be in primary school for 3 years together which I think is awesome. My eldest will be in year 4 when my youngest starts.
I am glad mine are all close together in age as now they're at the age they are, they all have an awesome time playing together.
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