I was recently told by my psych that I am beginning to become a little depressed.
I have held it so well together for so long, I am finally beginning to feel the pressures of my life get to me.
I am frustrated with life. I am angry and defensive and unreasonable sometimes. Right now I am about an 8 on the anger meter. My DH has gotten the brunt of it all. Some of it is warranted.
I feel like I have screwed my life up, even though my life is better then others.
I am actually struggling right now to even speak about my issues.
My children are the trolls of my existence, love them, but my god, I can't deal with a lot that goes on these days that they do. I even get angry over them getting sick, which happens way too often.
Every time we have plans to do something fun or important, something happens. Someone is sick is usually the main reason.
I have my DS2's important speech therapy session today. Purposely picked today because DS1 has Preschool. My heater breaks late last night and now I have to cancel my appointment for the 3rd time, because I have to now wait for a plumber to show.. 'SOMETIME' today. I pray they don't arrive while I am dropping or picking up Ds1.
Mother was right.. never plan, it never happens.
I can't even shower or anything right now, cause the gas is off.
My DH and I are having issues regarding him having the snip. Me wanting the option to stay open as long as he is allowed between now and actually having the procedure. I may change my mind.
But now it's become more about his inadequacy as a person and a provider that seems to be the key factor as to why he has not thought about my feelings on all this.
I hate my life most days. I hate people most days. I am hating myself all the time.
My best friend and I are traveling different paths these days. That ship is beginning to sail away....
The stress of having my sons ready for school and preschool with assistant aids, has been draining, talking about your children's worst qualities makes you think you have totally failed somehow.
The fact I feel like I am alone a lot as well. And little support.
The fact that I know I am not liked by my inlaws because of how I do things. The fact that they don't understand even though think they do.
I can't deal anymore..
I feel like I have little to no control.
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14-10-2015 09:33 #1
Honest as I can be.
14-10-2015 09:48 #2
Hugs for you. You sound like you have a lot on your plate.
In regards to the anger, you might find that's a symptom of the depression. Both times I've been diagnosed with depression I know I have been feeling angry a lot more frequently, and stronger than is warranted. The feelings of lack of control, failure and isolation is also likely amplified by depression. Knowing this doesn't necessarily make it easier to manage right now, but it will later on.
Can I ask how you're feeling about your psych saying you're depressed? I've found it a hard pill to swallow. Did you discuss treatment options? How did you feel about those?
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14-10-2015 10:19 #3
You sound completely overwhelmed, rightly so.
The fact you have two little guys with additional needs makes general day-to-day life really full on, but when you have numerous other issues going on it's understandable that you are going to reach that point where you just feel it's all too much.
There will always be additional challenges with your boys, challenges I face with my own little DS who is on the spectrum. A lot of the other stuff you have mentioned will pass or can be worked through though. Life will be less daunting once some of these issues are off the table.
Keep seeing your psych and working through it all, there is hope.
14-10-2015 10:53 #4
What a lot of 'stuff' you have going on in your life right now - no wonder it's overwhelming and starting to get to you. Good on you for admitting it to your psych though. Keeping those lines of communication open and truthful is really important.
Do you have a treatment plan with your psych and GP?
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14-10-2015 11:33 #5
My psych is actually working through my boys Early Intervention Service. She sees me when I need to upload. She has suggested I see ny gp and get a plan put in. And to see a psych that can see me more frequently. I have been stalling in going for some time.
I wasn't too surprised by her telling me i have depression. I think I have known it deep down for sometime. Was nice to finally have someone verify it.
14-10-2015 11:37 #6
Even though I know it's hard, definitely try to follow up with your GP to get a mental health plan done. Hopefully they can recommend a good psych to follow up with and you 'click' with them. It is so worth taking the time to focus on your mental health. Is your DH supportive of this?
14-10-2015 11:41 #7
Yes. Even though he can be a complete douche sometimes. He still wants me to be happy.
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14-10-2015 11:58 #8
It's good your DH is supportive of your mental health. It makes all the difference. Since you're feeling like you have no control, could you sit down with him and work out a plan to help get you feeling like yourself again? It might help to reduce that feeling a little.
14-10-2015 12:04 #9
Dh is pretty aware and understanding of whats going on with my mental health. He worries about me a lot. But I do test him a lot. I don't mean to. Sometimes I snap and I mentally wail on him.
We both agreed that I need some time away. For both our sakes. And this weekend I going to my sister's in Canberra for a weekend.
We also really need more date nights.. cause honestly Dh and I get maybe 1 night out every 6 months.
I have a support group through my Early Intervention service. We get together once a month for a mummy night out for dinner and a chat.
We also talk to each other on facebook a lot. The ladies are lovely. But I do have issues asking for help. I need to stop trying to do it on my own.
14-10-2015 16:12 #10
Hugs. That's a lot to deal with. I do t have any other advice from hat the other ladies have said, but I hope you feel a bit better for getting it off your chest and can enjoy your weekend away.
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