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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    @harvs I too have a son and I worry that he would be placed under undue financial pressure if he was the sole breadwinner. I know it bothers my DH when I've had periods of not working. He hates being the sole breadwinner.

    While I plan on keeping my opinions to myself once my kids marry I'll quietly be praying they all find a balance.
    This. DH wouldn't be happy if I chose not to return to work. Too much pressure on him and the forces in our relationship would be unbalanced.

    My ideal would be both of us working 4 days a week. Hell, 3 days!! 😁😋

  2. #62
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    I would be sad if my DD became a SAHM before she has a chance to finish her education & get qualified in something. As pps have mentioned I find the idea of having no qualifications or career history and being totally dependent on a man terrifying. I don't care what it is, could be Uni degree, apprenticeship, a job she works her way up, just something to go back to if she needs or wants to go back to work.
    If she becomes a SAHM by choice, with options so she isn't trapped, then I'd be happy for her.

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  4. #63
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    I'm so glad I started this thread, so many interesting perspectives, even if I don't agree with all of them.

    I find it interesting that so many define their independence by their name. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But I'm still the same woman I was before I took my husband's name. I guess we all bring our own stories to our decisions. Not only did I take my Dh's name bc I disliked my maiden name, I wanted my kids to have the same name as when I was a kid I had a different surname to my mother (who reverted to her maiden name after the divorce) and a different one from my sibs that had my SF's surname.

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    I haven't read all the posts. I may not even be on the right track but I've been a sahm for 20 yrs. I've only just started studying again and hope to find a job next year. My last child turns 18 in 2 weeks and moves out in 6 weeks

    I wanted to be a sahm and I've gone without so much but that's my choice

    If my Dd wants to have kids and stay home good on her. That's her choice. and if she wants to work that's her choice too.

    All I want for my children is happiness and love.

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  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    [hQUOTE=misskittyfantastico;8309011]I know I said I was out but
    I really regret changing my name when I married. DH knows this and is very happy for me to change it back but I just haven't got around to it.
    that's really interesting! how soon after changing it did you start to regret the change?[/QUOTE]

    Pretty much immediately.
    I was always pretty strongly of the opinion that I would never change my name but then there was an altercation with my MIL that DH was never aware of and I changed it, well, to spite her I guess (not my proudest moment) and then life and babies etc...came along and I got distracted and changing it back became my gunna job. Gunna do it one day though!

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  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm not arguing. I'm discussing and debating. I like a good debate.
    lol me too. That's why I miss the debates on here. It keeps my SAHM brain ticking over

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  11. #67
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    I wouldn't be disappointed but I would be very nervous for her. I would hope that she had a back up plan. That she had negotiated for her partner to pay her super, and that she had some sort of education and training that would be able to get her a job if she needed it.
    Forget her partner leaving her or God forbid dying young- what if her partner's career folded? What if his position became completely obsolete? It's a very real possibility and becoming more and more so. The possibility of both of them having to retrain and gain completely new careers in life- that's not fun.
    I've seen plenty of examples in real life where one partner can't work for whatever reason- my Stepmum developed fibromyalgia in her late 40's and my dad had to come out of retirement to support the family- what if he had no skills and had never worked, or hadn't in 20 years? They would be destitute, that's what. My teenage brothers would never have any of the opportunities they now have. They would basically be f***ed. Love and trust and respect aren't always enough. Sometimes life throws you insane curveballs, and I would be devastated for either of my children if one came their way and they had no way to deal with it.

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    Can I ask why it's so important for some to keep their maiden names? Not saying it shouldn't be, just wondering tis all.

    Do you feel taking your partner's name takes away who you are? Your personality?

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    Yes changing your name doesn't change you as a person but it does change the perspective that outsiders have on you.
    It sends a strong signal (that most people consider a positive one).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    I haven't read all the posts. I may not even be on the right track but I've been a sahm for 20 yrs. I've only just started studying again and hope to find a job next year. My last child turns 18 in 2 weeks and moves out in 6 weeks

    I wanted to be a sahm and I've gone without so much but that's my choice

    If my Dd wants to have kids and stay home good on her. That's her choice. and if she wants to work that's her choice too.

    All I want for my children is happiness and love.
    If you could go back, would you make the same choice? forget the man, would you have chosen to be a SAHM again knowing what you know now?


 

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