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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I do get the concern over no super, it's a valid point. But many women now days are fighting for access to half their ex's super and being granted it. I also have a super fund, severa; in fact. Granted it's not the size of others here who have returned to work but it's something. Which is I guess why I hope she goes to uni and works for a while before staying at home.

    I also think money isn't everything. Sure it helps but if it made people happy no rich person would be unhappy. My mother makes PA jabs at the fact I'm still at home but while she has super.... she's an extremely unhappy woman, always has been. Obviously her working isn't the cause, but it certainly doesn't make her life happy either.
    Yeah but half of one persons super is not (generally) going to make a great retirement. My hubby and I have good super but if only one of us worked, that super split in two wouldn't be enough to fund two retirements.

    Money isn't everything but sitting at home on the age pension not being able to afford to run the heating isn't my cup of tea.

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  3. #42
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    Yeah changing name to the one of your husband feels like fading your own identity in his.
    It's freaky!

    All my friends changed their names and it's so odd to call them something different than what I've known they by for the past 20 years.

    I might have changed my name to a totally new one that we would have created together. Maybe.

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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    a lot of the time the super of 2 people isn't enough for a comfortable retirement! never mind fleecing some bloke for half of his.
    Last edited by turquoisecoast; 08-10-2015 at 21:38.

  5. #44
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    If it was her choice, then I'd be ok with it. Not over-the-moon happy, but ok.
    I just want her to have something to fall back on - a career/experience/qualifications - so she could support herself if need be.
    Being a long-term sahp isn't something I could happily do myself & I suppose that influences my views. I would struggle being at home fulltime. I have 2 university degrees & have worked hard to ensure my career doesn't slide whilst I am on mat leave. To the point I have planned out (career-wise) the 18mths after I go back to work mid next year already.


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    You can only rely on one person in this life- yourself. I want my daughters to have financial freedom and independence. I work to live ( not live to work) but also do it to have independence, gain skills and to keep me socially sane

  7. #46
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    I wouldn't be disappointed if it was a choice. As some previous posters have said, I feel it's just so so important to have financial independence. Or at least the ability to support oneself in a career if the need arises. Preferably in a career you enjoy.

    I'd want my kids to be happy first up, but I'd absolutely want them to have choices in life. Being a SAHM is an extraordinary thing but I'll be honest I'd rather my kids have a career they enjoy, with the option to come back to after they spend time at home with children.

    My mum was a sahm and the one thing she drilled into me was to study hard, work hard and have a career of my own and never rely financially on a man. That's probably why it's so important to me.

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  9. #47
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    I am going to try and stay out of this thread because I am exactly what you guys fear. A long term sahm by choice with no back up degree or career.

    I know if I came on hard times I would survive and so would my kids because We have designed it that way.

    Just wanted to add as person in this position not only am I happier than a pig in mud. My life is easier for it.

    So ladies if your worst fears come to pass and your kids end up like me, it's not the end of the world.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 08-10-2015 at 22:28.

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  11. #48
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    Default typos... bc I never proof read :/

    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Money doesn't make you happy but money buy you choices and freedom.
    True. But I argue it's education that gives you choices and freedom not actually money.

    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    mine was a real plonker. I couldn't wait to change it. I'd have changed it anyway even if I hadn't got married (I had a good standby name on hand).
    Ok I'm going to admit that I changed my name *partly* bc I hated my maiden name. I didn't hate my dad or that side of the family, it's just an uncommon, unattractive name. I feel bad typing that but it's true :/

    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    Yeah but half of one persons super is not (generally) going to make a great retirement. My hubby and I have good super but if only one of us worked, that super split in two wouldn't be enough to fund two retirements.

    Money isn't everything but sitting at home on the age pension not being able to afford to run the heating isn't my cup of tea.
    Yep that's very true. I suppose this debate branches into a more philosophical debate of what happiness is. I agree, sitting in the dark cold and broke at 70 wouldn't be nice. But dropping my baby off at DC every day would internally kill me. And again, that is no dig whatsoever at working mums. Some kids thrive in DC. Some mums love working and are better mums for working. But what is happiness? For me and me only, I'm never going to get these years back. I'd rather be light on in my retirement and have made the choices I have. I know they aren't the choices some of you girls would make and that's completely fine But I love my life and I really mean that. No putting up a facade or justifying myself. If I could go back I'd do it this way a thousand times over.
    Last edited by delirium; 08-10-2015 at 21:43.

  12. #49
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    Having permanent employment and financial independence was the only thing that gave me any feeling of self worth after I separated.

    So for me, and I really don't think gender matters, of course I want my son to be happy and to make decisions that benefit his family should he have one, but I know first hand that life doesn't always turn out how we expect. If you'd asked me, I'd have bet everything I had on my marriage lasting the distance. Most people would.

    I think regardless of outside employment/SAHP status, what matters is making sure there is some degree of financial and independence for both parties. If my future DIL chose to be a SAHM I would be concerned (rather than disappointed) if my DS didn't value that ie considered money to be 'his'/wanted to track every cent she spent/begrudged her spending money on herself etc. I would be sad if he spent money on follies that could be put aside to support her or his family in the future if need be.

  13. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    if my surname was like, on the side of the building or in the company's name then I can understand not changing it.
    For someone who said they don't feel strongly about it, you certainly like arguing about it!


 

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