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  1. #131
    harvs's Avatar
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    @delirium for me, the thing is the very specific question in this thread is about what we want for our children. I think that comes down to happiness and security for most of us. Our own personal life experiences probably have us valuing one more than the other right now.

    I would be worried if *my* son ended up living at home with no work history and no education because society is getting harder and harder to break into if need be. I think if we are honest most of us would worry about our child ending up alone in the world and destitute, because as parents we find things to be worried about and are adept at finding things that may go wrong. We have knowledge and experience that our children may not have gained yet.

    Now I'm not for a second saying that SAHMs have no education, no experience, no prospects etc. What I feel is that if my DS were a SAHP, then there would be a risk associated with that that would be something of concern to me.

    I would, though, also be worried if he had a job that made him miserable with a nasty boss and no work/life balance. I'd be worried that despite working hard he'll end up unemployed and homeless.

    I will worry when he decides to spend a year backpacking around the world.

    I'll just worry, I think. That's not the same as being disappointed.

    If you asked me if I would be disappointed in my friends if they chose to be SAHMs, then my answer would be as long as they're happy I don't care. And ultimately I feel that for my son, except that my role in life is to help him to be aware of and navigate potential pitfalls.

    It is not a criticism of SAHP to acknowledge that there may be some downsides or possible future issues that people need to consider when making their decision. Just as when you decide whether to accept any other type of work.

    I want to be clear that saying things like 'I'm afraid that this may happen for MY child' doesn't equate to saying another person who is a happy SAHM is a person who is my 'biggest fear', and I don't feel like anyone is criticising the way people are raising their children, as was expressed elsewhere.

    I have the utmost respect for everyone who has commented on this thread so far - all different examples of mummies with varying degrees of outside/home employment who have made strong choices for what works for their family. That's all that matters in the end.

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  3. #132
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    As long as she's happy (very cliche to say that but it's true), I am happy. I can have my opinion on it and provide advice IF she wants advice, but my opinion will be pretty irrelevant once she's an adult and making her own choices in life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    As long as she's happy (very cliche to say that but it's true), I am happy. I can have my opinion on it and provide advice IF she wants advice, but my opinion will be pretty irrelevant once she's an adult and making her own choices in life.
    I think this too. My opinion would be irrelevant, anyway. As an adult, my children can do what they want with their lives. Some choices I might be happier with than others...but I'm not raising my children to live the life that suits me best, I'm raising them to be happy, independent adults. Their journey through life is theirs, not mine.
    Independence was a huge driving force behind my parent's supporting my decision to not finish highschool...they knew I wasn't going to sit around and do nothing with my life, they knew I just needed time to figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be in my life. When my parent's had friends ask them how they could support my decision they always let their friends know that forcing me to finish highschool wasn't going to do anything except build resentment. And they were right. I still would have finished school and gone on to experience a range of different jobs why I tried to figure out what kind of career I wanted. And, despite being a highschool 'drop out' I still managed to own three properties by the time I was 21. Not bad for a 'no hoper.' My siblings are straight to uni from school, career driven adults who spent their 20's building their careers. I spent my 20's at home, raising babies. So completely different, but I just wasn't ready in my 20's, I needed that extra time. I am grateful that my parent's never pressured me to be something I'm not.

  5. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I'm probably going to be crucified here.
    To be honest I'd be more upset and disappointed if my daughters decided to be childless by choice and didn't want to be a mother at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I'm probably going to be crucified here.
    To be honest I'd be more upset and disappointed if my daughters
    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    daughters
    !!!!

    ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1444359596.506040.jpg

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  7. #135
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I echo the sentiment of most other posters. As long as she's happy, I will be happy. I would be happier if she had obtained qualifications which enabled her to work if she needed to.

    As for the surname thing - I had no attachment to mine. I was born a W, and changed my surname at 11 to S when my mum married my step dad. When I was pregnant with DS I changed my surname to DPs because I wanted DS to have her surname, but I didn't want him to have a different surname to me. And I love it too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I'm probably going to be crucified here.
    To be honest I'd be more upset and disappointed if my daughters decided to be childless by choice and didn't want to be a mother at all. (Please note I'm not referring to those who are not able to have a family due to infertility or circumstance)

    Working in aged care I can tell you all the independence, money and friends in the world mean diddly squat when you are old and frail.
    I work in a hospital and I agree that close supportive family means everything when you are old and frail. Simply having kids doesn't guarantee that.

    Money does make a huge difference to the elderly though, it can mean the difference between having money to pay for a bit of extra help, to having a choice of nursing home versus waiting for a place in whatever state funded bed you can get. Money for transport when you can no longer drive, owning a home versus continuing to rent which eats up a huge portion of the pension.

    Living on the age pension as a single person who has no assets is (mostly) a horrible life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    As long as she's happy (very cliche to say that but it's true), I am happy. I can have my opinion on it and provide advice IF she wants advice, but my opinion will be pretty irrelevant once she's an adult and making her own choices in life.
    You won't make a very good MIL then!


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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    sorry not trying to be rude or insensitive here at all. but haven't you been saying on here (in other threads) how much you hate your husband and your life?
    Yes I do hate my husband but I made the choice to be financially dependent on him so I could raise my kids. yeah I'm suffering for the decision I made but it was my choice. Now I just need a job so I can leave.

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    I was raised by a sahm ( she did part time cleaning while I was at school a couple of mornings a week) but for the most part she was at home.

    I'm currently a sahm of 5 years.

    No way would I be disappointed if either of y dds decided to sah. I actually believe it would b in the best interest of my grand children for them to have mum at home.

    That being said having some kind of qualification prior to children would b ideal as a back up or in case they wanted to return to the work force.

    I personally think society as a whole benefits so much from sahms

    I can't believe people are so passionate about name changing. I was honored to take dhs name and I like that we all have the same name (dh, our girls and I)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I think this too. My opinion would be irrelevant, anyway. As an adult, my children can do what they want with their lives. Some choices I might be happier with than others...but I'm not raising my children to live the life that suits me best, I'm raising them to be happy, independent adults. Their journey through life is theirs, not mine.
    Independence was a huge driving force behind my parent's supporting my decision to not finish highschool...they knew I wasn't going to sit around and do nothing with my life, they knew I just needed time to figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be in my life. When my parent's had friends ask them how they could support my decision they always let their friends know that forcing me to finish highschool wasn't going to do anything except build resentment. And they were right. I still would have finished school and gone on to experience a range of different jobs why I tried to figure out what kind of career I wanted. And, despite being a highschool 'drop out' I still managed to own three properties by the time I was 21. Not bad for a 'no hoper.' My siblings are straight to uni from school, career driven adults who spent their 20's building their careers. I spent my 20's at home, raising babies. So completely different, but I just wasn't ready in my 20's, I needed that extra time. I am grateful that my parent's never pressured me to be something I'm not.
    Just out of curiosity, how did you manage to own 3 properties by 21 years old?


 

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