I'm not talking about at home behaviour
I just stating behaviour at school, daycare preschool etc
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08-10-2015 19:35 #31
08-10-2015 19:41 #32-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Kids have bad days. Kids are turds sometimes. Kids go through development phases where they don't know how to handle what's going on and crack it.
OP: from what you've mentioned you kid sounds normal to me. But I am not an expert, I don't know your DS's history and I haven't seen everything your DS's daycare carers have. I will say though that my ds1's daycare room leader likes to give me a dossier of what he does wrong each day. At first I thought there was something wrong with him. Now I just realise 1) he's normal - other kids do **** too. 2) the room leader is a bit of a worry wart - on a few occasions other carers have given me run downs of the same incident and they put a much more positive spin on it.
08-10-2015 19:41 #33
How is that a warning sign? I just don't understand that.
To me, that is an 'off' day. Possibly he hadn't eaten or he was tired or getting sick or someone upset him. A bad day.
Look I get that it's better for me to get him checked and have peace of mind, I just feel upset that I've come here for some friendly advice and yes no one here has been nasty or rude etc so far, I am just having a REALLY hard time understanding how a couple of episodes is suddenly taken as a warning sign of ASD. I know my child, I know there is more to him and i know what the general markers are for ASD. He doesn't have them.
08-10-2015 19:56 #34
I wouldn't take what he's done as a trait of ASD but I would be following up on the directors throw away line about ASD. Totally not the time or the place. Having said that they are normally the first to "identify" these things as they see them with their peers. If they are seeing this they need to talk to you otherwise saying what she said was way out of line. Sounds like you need a new centre as seems like things are not a good fit anymore.
08-10-2015 19:58 #35-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
1) he is bored at daycare
2) daycare handle his behavior differently that hubby and I do at home. They are much softer - too soft. One 'look' from me and DS1 stops doing the behavior. Whereas daycare give him more attention and let him 'help' fix the situation which just encourages him (eg say if DS drew on the wall they would let him help clean. He loves cleaning so would keep drawing on the wall just so he can clean).
08-10-2015 20:23 #36
I did ring the centre leader this arvo, we had a long discussion, I asked her if she had picked up any other signs of ASD in him, she listed theses:
Plays along side other kids and not necessarily with them and hasn't formed friendships like having a 'best friend' at daycare.
'Fixated' on the bike outside
Doesn't like crowds
I can't remember the others, so my response was
For the playing and friends thing - he has a few friends who he would tell u are his 'best' friends, these kids also still play along side one another, I don't see a difference between him and them, as for having a best friend at daycare - well as my pp he has been getting picked on. Not surprised he doesn't have a best friend yet, but there are 2/3 kids he mentions on a regular basis from daycare who he says he wants to play with either at their hour or ours.
For the crowd thing - he's fine when we go out into busy places, he has come from a small family daycare, not surprised he's overwhelmed by a big centre full of loud kids. He's fine everywhere else.
Fixated on toys - he's not like that at home, he plays with so many different things and if anything jumps from one thing to the next, plus he's an outdoorsy kind of kid. He has bikes, cars, skateboards, balls, tennis, scooter, outdoor kitchen, water table etc. I think at daycare he likes this particular bike because it's his thing there as he hasn't formed those friendships there.
I see her points and they are valid when she explains why she feels like this, but I have answers to all of them and I think my answers are valid points too.
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08-10-2015 21:06 #37Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
Op at the end of the day everyone on bub hub are strangers behind a computer. None of us know him to judge. You know him best and go with your gut. My dd's kindy teacher was convinced she was slightly autistic and had adhd.. After many many assesments it turns out she had none of either, she is normal. Fast forward 3 years later and shes a fine young lady. No dramas. Kids are kids, they get tired, hungry and frustrated. He sounds normal to me.
08-10-2015 21:07 #38
They are pretty generalised markers though. All my 3 kids are quite obsessive overall. DS is completely fixated with Yu-Gi-Oh cards atm no doesn't have ASD. Neither of mine had best friends at 4 either. yes they had kids they played with at DC/pre school but not besties. Boys in particular take a while to form close bonds.
Again I'm not saying he doesn't have ASD. He may. But what she's listing can be found in lots and lots of non spectrum kids. If she had mentioned stuff like flapping, licking stuff, more direct markers then ok. But being fixated on toys and not having a best friend is reaching.
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08-10-2015 21:13 #39
Based on that info I would get an assessment. Your in his corner, it's not for you to defend him. It's not for you to explain it away. It's very very confronting when people suspect your child has ASD. I would get him assessed.
08-10-2015 21:30 #40
Op, good work on ringing the centre to clarify what she meant. I think now you have a clearer understanding so you can start to look out for any behaviors that she mentioned.
I just wanted to point out, that most daycare's, pre schools and schools don't generally point out every concerning behavior or tantrum a child makes. Most understand that children have bad days. Most centres and schools would only mention it if there was a concern eg, your child or another child's safety, if someone was hurt or if it was totally unusual and concerning. The way the director spoke was totally out of line, but it looks like perhaps there are other concerns that they have picked up along the way. They aren't saying that your child definitely has something going on, they are just alerting you to some things that could be an indication of something. I think that although, it came out wrong, it is good that it was brought up. Wouldn't it be terrible if there was something more that no one ever told you about?
Now you can research and get some early intervention if it's needed. If not, then you can go away knowing the truth.
You're doing a great job. It's hard, I am often lost with my son and find it hard to know what's "normal" four year old behavior!
I don't think they are targeting your son, hopefully they are just trying to help him
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