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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by heartstringz View Post
    I just dont find it useful taking ds with me, last time i did he was tired & ended up cracking up big time & it was just a waste of everyones time. Thats why i haven't really seen anyone consistently since i was pregnant.

    I just called the psych she referred me to who supposedly does evening appointments. She does them at 5pm & possibly 6pm but not regularly. Well thats helpful given 5pm is smack bang in the middle of wind-down night-time routine & he NEEDS that routine otherwise we will all be up all night.

    And hubby doesn't even get home till 6.30pm if there is no traffic/accidents etc. He has an hours drive home. He can leave early sometimes but not weekly.

    So on the hunt again for yet another psych....

    Hun you've been having a rough time throughout pregnancy and since bub was born. That you've last regularly seen a therapist in late pregnancy is concerning. I don't think you can see someone so infrequently when you are suffering so much and then claim it's not helping.

    I don't mean to offend - that's not my intention. I've seen you struggle for a while now. I think it's time to Stop saying why and start saying why not. Take some appointments during work time, take some appointments at 5pm and get your hubby to finish work early and look after your DS. Or hire a sitter.

    You will continue to struggle with parenting and life in general unless you bite the bullet, go with the flow, listen to your doctors and make sacrifices to get yourself better. You deserve to be happy xx

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    But the GP offered a plan, it was just a plan you didn't like.

    Did you explain that you tried psychology before and that it didn't work very well?

    Going in and demanding drugs isn't going to get you very far.

    I agree that you do likely need medication, but I think you need to start off with a referral to a psychiatrist and go from there.
    I explained that ive seen multiple psychologists & that i didn't find cbt or mindfulness very helpful. I didn't 'demand' meds i just said i think its at that point now

  4. #63
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    no idea if this is even possible as I have no idea about your situation but would it be possible to drop down to working 4 days a week? or even a 9 day fortnight? free up an entire day and you can pop DS in childcare (even for a few hours) and you'll have your dedicated "me" day off to play with and start getting your anxiety sorted. agree evenings mightn't be best esp if your dh has a long commute and it's hard to lock in a recurring time each week etc.

    another alternative is to use annual leave instead of dropping down to 4 days a week...tell work you'd like to finish at 1pm each Friday (or whatever day works for you and your appointments) and tell them to take the 4 hours each week/fortnight out of AL. if you're working full time, you'll be accruing at least 6 hours of annual leave each fortnight so this shouldn't be an issue.

    just some "out of the box" suggestions you might not have thought of

  5. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by heartstringz View Post
    I explained that ive seen multiple psychologists & that i didn't find cbt or mindfulness very helpful. I didn't 'demand' meds i just said i think its at that point now
    Did you really give it enough of a chance? You said you last regularly saw someone in late pregnancy - was that 2-3 months? For some it can take a year or more of therapy before changes are made - it can take 10 sessions before a patient connects with a doctor and starts to open up.

    Consistency and persistence will get you there xx

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  7. #65
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    OP, i really feel for you, i suffer from anxiety myself BUT you really need to stop roadblocking yourself. there will be times when your ds will just have to come along and your routine is upside down that night. it's not the end of the world (as much as it seems it is). there are lots of us in very similar boats with multiple children/babies/toddlers and we do what we have to to get to point A and to heck with the routine. Keep in mind that as your ds gets older there are plenty of more challenging times and stages ahead and you'll have to go with the flow.

    I don't like dragging my 3 to every appointment with me, yes it ruins their routines and it really sux but so be it. I don't have anybody to babysit either and suprisingly enough many dr's/therapists etc are quite understanding when you have to bring the little ones. Bring colouring books/snacks, toys etc to engage him.

    Chin up, try another dr, make a long appointment and start from A-Z and there are many of us here for you. Please don't dwell on routines etc, you will see in the long run that you missed half of the enjoyment of their age.

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  9. #66
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    I'm going through this at the moment - not the struggles you've had with your GP but the anxiety surrounding finding time for yourself and making the leap to get help.
    I have been referred to a psychologist and it is a not for profit place so it's all bulk billed on the mental health plan which was a great relief because I didn't want to be a financial burden to my family. Because my availability is when DH is home (also no babysitting options) my wait time for my first appointment was going to be 8-10 weeks which was a long time, so I then seen the back to my GP to ask to be put on an antidepressant to help me cope until therapy started.
    I was also given Valium to assist in the 4 weeks it can take for the antidepressant to kick in.

    In my case, I started out very open to therapy with my GP and only went back to ask for medication when it was clear I had done what I could to organise the help I need. Maybe it would be worthwhile doing similar in your case? Take the leap and make an appointment for therapy and then head back to your GP and see what they say.

    Also, in the end I was offered an earlier emergency appointment as even with meds I started spiralling down but it was during work hours for DH. As it turns out, he spoke to his boss and was able to take a couple hours "family carers leave" to come home and look after DS and take me to my appointment. That was a huge relief because again, no money loss and DHs work won't get ****ty because it's a legitimate leave to apply for like annual leave. Maybe your DH has something similar he can tap into?

    You're doing awesome by acknowledging you need the help, and I know how easy it is to talk yourself out of doing what may seem like simple steps to others - anxiety & depression is a b**** like that. When I originally spoke to the GP about mine and got my referral it then took me an additional 8 weeks to work up the courage to call and make an appointment.

    You can do this! You got help when pregnant and I assume your beautiful DS was the driving force for that - well if it helps then do it for him this time too, and then eventually you'll realise how much better YOU are for making it happen and that its ok to do something for your own mental health.

    Good luck x

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  11. #67
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    Default How did you manage to get meds for anxiety??

    Quote Originally Posted by heartstringz View Post
    Im trying to help myself i dont know how to!! Thats why i went to the gp today. No-one seems to take me seriously. Im sick of fighting massive battles to get help. It shouldn't be this hard. And every time I try & fail to get help it makes me feel so down.

    I love ds so much but i hate that im such a terrible mum. Sometimes I think I should just walk out & he'd be happier without me in his life
    I genuinely get that you are trying. But what you are not seeing is that, most likely due to you're anxiety, you are not trying hard enough. As soon as there is an obstacle you throw your hands up and say help is impossible. It is not, you just have to be willing to kick whatever roadblock or catastrophe you envision down. There is help out there but nobody is going to hand it to you on a silver platter, you need to research and find drs that work with the schedule that is ideal for you. YOU need to book another GP appointment and ask for anti-depressants that also help with anxiety. Nobody else can do this for you. Beyond Blue and Panda have to a lot of info on their sites of where to find help in your area but YOU have to find it. Start with a different GP and start googling psychiatrists until you find one who has hours you can work with. You don't see a psychiatrist weekly, it's usually monthly, I am sure you can make that work.

    I know you must think I am horrible to you but I'm tough and straightforward because I have genuinely felt how you feel, I've made the same excuses in my head and have felt like I didn't deserve my DS, but I came out the other side. I'm hard on you because I know it's within your power to feel better.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 02-10-2015 at 18:00.

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  13. #68
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    I just want you to know there are lots of people on BH who *are* taking you very seriously. You aren't alone, and we are all in your corner.

    I get there are some days when you deserve a parade just for getting yourself out of bed, let alone pack that nappy bag, get in that car/on that bus, listen to crying, lay your soul bare to a stranger, deal with an interrupted night. Lots of us get that.

    You're not a bad mother. What's passed is past, and you took a step today to seek help. We are all proud of you for doing so. Don't give up now.

    Have you spoken to your boss? Like really spoken about how tough things are at the moment? If you had been diagnosed with a serious physical illness and needed regular treatment/rehab, would you talk to your boss and ask for time off? Because I think you would. This is more important.

    A few posts back you alluded to the tragedies that can occur involving post partum women. I agree with you wholeheartedly, but I find this comment very worrying. Sometimes it's hard to tell how much your comments are dramatic and blowing off steam and how much they are deadly serious.

    Please - trust your boss. Talk to him/her. Or find an advocate in HR to support you when you talk to your boss.

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    Also one other thing - don't bother telling your GP that cbt/mindfulness didn't work for you, wait and tell your new psych that. That will help them come up with a therapy plan that will suit you. I'm the same, I'm way too cynical for meditation and other methods and I was upfront about that with my psych and she was very accepting of it and has said will approach it in other ways.

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  17. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post

    I know you must think I am horrible to you but I'm tough and straightforward because I have genuinely felt how you feel, I've made the same excuses in my head and have felt like I didn't deserve my DS, but I came out the other side. I'm hard on you because I know it's within your power to feel better.
    Making excuses/catastrophising/roadblocks are all part of anxiety rearing its head. I want you to know I have been there. It took DH begging me to see someone and I eventually did. He had to take me. I could not go on my own. And once I did it eventually just became easier.


 

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