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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012

    Unhappy Nothing will ever change - desperately seeking advice please!

    DH and I have been married for 13 years and have 2 beautiful kids (DD 11 & DS 7) together. The past few years have been tough as we just seem to be going around and around in circles with various issues and we just can't seem to get anywhere. He is a great husband and loves me dearly and although I love him too I don't think I'm in love with him anymore, there's no passion, no s@x life (well he still wants it very often, I'm not interested at all), and I'm sure he loves our kids but he's not a good dad (in that he doesn't come to sporting or school events unless he feels he has to, doesn't really want to spend time with them unless I nag him to do so, and when he does make an effort with them he expects to be 'rewarded' with s@x) ... we are just bickering all the time about the stupidest things and have decided to seperate. He is a kiwi and says he will move back to NZ which just breaks my heart that a) he could just up and leave his children, and b) because I don't want them to feel neglected or abandoned by him because honestly I don't know how often they'd see him ... I feel they would be ok because I've basically been a single mum most of their childhood anyway (in that I take them everywhere, we do everything together etc. as DH has never been an overly involved father in that respect, he'd rather show them he loves them by making them things, being a provider so they have a roof over their head etc.) I feel like I am a different person when he is around, I'm on edge, cranky with the kids, wondering when & what he's going to crack it about next. This sounds mean, but the kids and I have a great time when he is not around, I'm much more laid back (which I always used to be, but have changed over the years) and we don't have to put up with his grumpy moods when he is not around. Sorry this post has turned into a bit of a vent because I don't have anyone I can talk to about this so obviously it's all bottled up.

    What I was originally coming on here for was to inquire with other single parents (in Victoria) whether a single parent income from Centrelink of about $650 per fortnight sounds about right? I went through and filled out a form online and that's the figure they gave me. I think that emotionally I'll be fine without DH, but am really worried about how the kids and I will survive financially. Any other tips or information anyone can provide me with about life as a single parent would be greatly appreciated and sorry, once again, for the long vent above!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Thanks so much for all that very useful information ... I'm also working part-time (3 days) and DS will turn 8 in May next year. I think the $650 centrelink quoted me included FTB and rent assistance so it will be even harder than I thought when Newstart kicks in next year.

    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    My thoughts:

    7. Most importantly, as your DH is a New Zealand citizen, he can apply for NZ passports for the kids without you signing the application form. Just something to think about. If you have any concerns no matter how small that he may try take the kids back to NZ with him without permission, I would strongly recommend you see a lawyer about getting the kids on no fly list.

    Good Luck
    I am very worried about this ... I remember years and years ago when my daughter was only little DH said 'if we ever split up I'll take DD to NZ and you'll never find us ...... just kidding' a) what a mean thing to say and b) although he added the 'just kidding' at the end I've never forgotten that so yes I don't want them going over there for holidays or anything, but their grandparents, cousins etc are over there so it will make it difficult ... I will definitely look into that 'no fly' list.

    I do believe that our break up will be quite amicable because we communicate about this alot, he has said I can have everything (well he says that now) I honestly don't think he would do that to me, but when people are hurt, or desperate they do desperate things and I would hate him to take my kids to hurt me or something like that! It's something I hate thinking about and has probably kept me in this marriage for longer.


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