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  1. #1
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    Default How do I be excited for a pregnant friend after our own losses?

    Ok, so the short story is, my wife and I have been doing IVF for almost 4 years.
    Last year, we were pregnant with our daughter, but she was born still. And her anniversary is 3 weeks away. That pregnancy started as twins, but we lost one twin at 7.5 weeks and then lost our daughter at 21weeks 1day.
    When we found out we were pregnant with our daughter and her twin at 6wks 5 days, my best friend was also pregnant but she was 8weeks.

    When we we lost our daughter, this friend was like a sister. She supported me and my DP through it, and still remembers milestone anniversaries. Since our daughter's still birth, my partner and I have also lost 2 sets of twins and run out of embryos and cash.

    My best friend had a termination at 9.5weeks and I supported her through that.
    Since then every month or 2 she tells me she's pregnant.
    At the beginning of August she told me she was pregnant and that she had a scan and there was no heartbeat so was miscarrying at 9weeks.
    Now she has just sent me pictures of a scan saying she is 10weeks pregnant.

    I want to be excited for her, but the timings don't seem to marry up and something just feels off.

    How can I support her through this, while experiencing the first anniversary of our loss?

  2. #2
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    Catemer, I'm so sorry to hear all that you've been through. That must be extremely hard with the anniversary coming up soon too. With your friend, do you feel that she is making the pregnancy/losses up? I'm not sure if I've accidentally misread what you've written about her but I'd say if your gut feeling that something she is saying is off, it probably is.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky27 View Post
    Catemer, I'm so sorry to hear all that you've been through. That must be extremely hard with the anniversary coming up soon too. With your friend, do you feel that she is making the pregnancy/losses up? I'm not sure if I've accidentally misread what you've written about her but I'd say if your gut feeling that something she is saying is off, it probably is.
    Yeah, my gut is telling me that she has made up some of the pregnancies and/or losses.

    But now that she has actually sent through the pics with date and HB etc I know this one is real, but I can't help but think that she has made up some of the losses.

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    I'm so sorry to hear of your journey.

    She's obviously made something up because how can she be 10 weeks now if she was 9.5 weeks and miscarrying in August? The numbers obviously don't add up and although she may not be lying about this pregnancy now, she lied about how far along she was and that she was miscarrying in August. Either that or doctors were way off...

    Could she be 'jealous' of the attention you've received from your losses? I think it would be hard to support her until you understand a bit more of what's going on with her.

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    Do you think she could have underlying issues from the termination?

    I'm so terribly sorry for your losses. My only advice is to nod and smile at your friend and buy a present when it arrives. Just go through the motions. No one can expect more than that.

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    Do the scan pics actually have her name on them? Cos anyone can get scan pics from google and claim them as their own.

    Personally (and I have also had a stillborn), I'd probably end up saying to her that I wish her well but I can't deal with hearing about it all because of my own pain

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    Thanks everyone.

    I'm having morning tea with her on Wednesday so I will see how it goes.

    I guess I also feel a sense of obligation to her. I wouldn't have gotten through the last 12 months without her support.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaximumStarlight View Post
    Do the scan pics actually have her name on them? Cos anyone can get scan pics from google and claim them as their own.

    Personally (and I have also had a stillborn), I'd probably end up saying to her that I wish her well but I can't deal with hearing about it all because of my own pain
    Yes. They actually show her name, the date and "Early OB" as the type of scan.

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    I'm so sorry for your losses. We had a similar situation - lost a twin at 6 weeks then our little boy at 22 weeks. It's horrifying.

    Your friends sounds strange. Is it possible she thought she had an mmc at the beginning of August, but was wrong? And maybe you misheard the 9 weeks?


 

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