Dad had a terrible temper and smacked (hit) us. He pretty much had no other parenting technique.
Mum was...ineffectual, her favourite saying was 'I'll tell your Father when he gets home'.
In saying that my childhood was happy, they spent a lot of time with us, camping, playing board games, got involved in our sports etc.
They instilled a strong work ethic and that having a job is a must. We got jobs as soon as we were 14. We never had to pay our way but not working just wasn't an option.
There's some things I want to emulate, family time, traditions etc.
But I'll never ever hit my kids, it just made me hate my Dad. I'll be more emotionally available and a fair but firm leader.
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Results 11 to 19 of 19
14-09-2015 19:18 #11
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14-09-2015 20:28 #12
Both of my parents had so much love to give to me as a child (and still do now). Now that I think about it, my parents did parent by fear, I didn't want them to be angry or disappointed in me so I behaved myself. I fought alot with them as a teen but looking back, they had my best interests at heart.
Dad was really big on us figuring things out ourselves. So if I asked what a word meant, he would make me get the dictionary and find the word and give him the definition. Or if I asked where somewhere was, I would get the globe and would have to find it. I love that now that I think back because I'm pretty good at researching and figuring things out myself.
Mum was always happy for me to have friends over so most of the school holidays was spent having friends sleeping over. I think mum felt sorry for the kids whose parents worked (that will be my daughter who she's feeling sorry for lol).
My parents are fantastic parents to me now as an adult and I have fond memories of the majority of my childhood. My parents smacked me which I won't be doing to my children, and I cannot see myself being a SAHM so I don't think we'll have other people's kids in our home as much as they did when we were kids. We are openly very loving to our daughter and that just comes naturally to me from how I was raised, which I absolutely love. Overall, I think my parents are wonderful and I'd love to be mostly like them.
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14-09-2015 20:38 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
I had a great childhood, and great parents. They weren't/aren't without their flaws but, as an adult, I realise how forward thinking they were in their parenting and how great a childhood I had. We barely got smacked, we weren't raised with fear, they talked to us openly and honestly about drugs, s.ex, smoking etc. We always knew that we could call our parents if we were ever in trouble as teenagers, or a friend was in trouble and we wouldn't get in trouble for it. We never had to call them, though. We were good kids. We respected our parent's and barely rebelled. They accepted us for who we were and supported us on our chosen life path (still do).
The way my parents parented has always influenced how I wanted to be as a parent. I don't know if I do as good a job as them, but I definitely aspire to give my kids the childhood that I did.
14-09-2015 21:05 #14
I had amazing parents. My grandparents. They sacrificed everything to raise me and give me the best life they could. They raised me not as their grandchild, but as their child. They taught me what it meant to be a family, what it meant to love someone unconditionally, flaws and all. They taught me that the people who truely matter in life are the ones who stand with you through thpe wildest of storms and the sunniest of days- thick and thin, no matter what. They taught me you don't just quit on someone because they messed up- you don't just throw something away because its broken, you work on it and do everything you can to fix it. They taught me about self respect, and dignity and respect. They were always there, I always knew I had a home with them, that I was loved and I was safe. They taught me the power of forgiveness.
I know the paths I have walked as I have gotten older haven't been the ones they wanted for me. But I always know that no matter what, my grandy will be there for me, even when he thinks I have screwed up big time (again).
If I could be even half the parents to my kids that they were to me, I would be happy.
Eta- they raised me until my nan passed away from cancer when i was 13. Then I went to live with mum. Things went down hill from there, mum and i were thrust into this mother-daughter relationship, something we never had before and it didnt (still doesn't) suit either of us. On top of that, we were both trying and failing to deal with nans death, mum with my step dads abuse and being in and out of our lives for the next few years.... it was just all wrong. My grandad says now he should have never allowed me to leave, he should have kept me with him but he was too scared at the time which given he had just lost the love of his life for 40 odd years is totally understandable! Mum did her best. I couldn't see it then but I do now. She got dealt a really ****ty hand and did what she could. She got work when and where she could- usually night work at bars meaning i would get home from school, she would leave and I would be left to get my sister fed, bathed, and in bed. Mum would get home in the early hours of the morning, so I would get me and my sister ready for school while she slept, wake her up when it was time to go, head to school and do it all over again. Weekends I rarely went aywhere with friends- I was usually babysitting my sister so mum could work extra hours or catcb up on sleep. I resented her a lot for it at the time, but now I realise how hard she was doing it to try to keep a roof over our heads. Then I met dh and things hit rock bottom. But her and I are really close now, probably closer than we have ever been. We have found a perfect balance in our relationship and what works for us. She is an amazing woman and has copped so much **** from people who are supposed to love her, she is a broken woman. But she is amazing and I wish she could see in herself what I see in her.
Last edited by SheWarrior; 14-09-2015 at 21:46.
14-09-2015 21:07 #15
Spinoff: What type of parents did you have and....
Rose&Aurelia, you are spot on
14-09-2015 21:25 #16
My parents broke up when I was young and my mother had custody. She ruled with total fear. She used to say all the time our household was not a democracy it was a dictatorship. I was terrified of her, I couldn't talk to her about anything. When she remarried a man with substance abuse issues the house was even more hellish to live in and I rebelled.
Not only was she as scary as hell (I'm still scared of her), she's still, to this day a narcissist that doesn't know she's a narcissist. My whole childhood she was purely wrapped up in what was happening for HER, how her crap decisions affected HER. The stress SHE was under. Everything is always about her all the time with never a care of what anyone else may be feeling. It was a scary, sad lonely childhood
My golden rule of thumb in parenting is do everything exactly the opposite to her and I can't go wrong! I parent with love (to the point I know I'm too soft). My children can talk to me. I'm always asking how they feel, what they want, what's on their mind. I involve them in decision making. I cuddle, kiss and tell them I love them constantly.
14-09-2015 22:42 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
I feel extremely grateful to have been born to my parents.
They aren't perfect but family is their priority always and they are completely devoted to my brother and me and our families.
I look back on my childhood with so much fondness and while my later teens and early twenties were hard in terms of redefining my relationship with mum, we are great friends now.
Mum and dad were fairly conservative and I bucked against it lots but they were oh so loving.
I remember being out in the garden with my dad when I was about eight and asking him what made him happy and he said "You. You and your brother and your mum".
14-09-2015 23:18 #18
My childhood was wonderful. I look back and don't remember many bad moments just a lot of laughter. Both my parents were open with not only us but our friends and it wasn't unusual to have a few extra kids at our house at any given time in fact my Mum would cook extra at dinner just in case another mouth to feed arrived. The fact that the first 2 rows at my Dads funeral were packed not only of us kids and our families but the friends from our childhood and their families showed what kind of parents they were/are. My Mum never missed any school or sporting event and if Dad wasn't working he would be there too. Grades were important but if they dropped it was ok as long as we tried our hardest and worked to pick them back up. Parties and boyfriends were off limits until I was 16 and the 2 biggest things I remember being told were 1) always do the right thing and 2) do what it takes to be happy never settle for less and don't let anyone stop you.
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15-09-2015 04:42 #19
Last edited by GreenMama; 16-09-2015 at 08:55.
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