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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2015

    Post I am so overwhelmed

    My husband and I got married in March. We've been together for 8 years and one of the things that always linked us so strongly was our love of family and desire to be parents. After 6 months of seeing each other he told me that due to the chemotherapy he had received during both of his bouts of cancer as a teenager, he is now infertile. It didn't phase me in the least, he told me he had samples stored and I was always a firm believer in adoption anyway to help complete our dreams of a large family.
    We've been married for 6 months, and we've found out that due to his father feeling "awkward" about taking him to the appointments to collect the samples when DH was 15- and therefore refusing to do so- we have only 5 ampoules saved of his samples, they need 2 ampoules per ivf cycle and they have told us not to get our hopes up that we will be successful. We went through the process of applying to adopt but we are ineligible for any intercountry adoption of a child under 12 months and my husband doesn't want us to adopt over that age.
    Since finding out, my husband has been out all of the time trying to process this on his own, because that is how he copes. I tried to talk to my Mum about it, but as soon as I started she stopped me and said "you need to change your language around this, I can't talk to you if you're going to be negative" and that was that. My best friend is 7 months pregnant and has her hands full with a 19 month old- she simply does not have any time to see me, let alone talk to me about this.
    I have always been so positive on this, but I am so scared now that we won't be able to have children at all and there is nobody close to me that I can talk to about it, I am feeling so alone, and so overwhelmed. I thought I might try a forum, just in case there's somebody out there who understands, in case i'm not alone. I feel like i'm grieving but I need to keep going to work, keep getting up every day, keep talking to people about random inconsequential things...
    I hope to hear from somebody.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
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    Welcome to the hub. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles to have a family of your own. While I can't personally contribute to any experiences, I'm sure there is someone out there who can offer you some hope, advice and guidance. Best of luck in your quest to create a family, whichever way that may be! xx

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    This is a lot to digest and can understand it is overwhelming.

    We have had various battles with my infertility and it gut wrenching.

    My advice is to find the best possible specialist and ask about PICSI, where they choose the best sperm and inject straight into egg. We did this and so did friends whose husbands had issues.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not alone. The topic may be super sensitive with DH right now but there may be option of donor down the track if you're both comfortable with it so your hopes of a family don't even nearly need to be compromised. Big hugs to you xxx

  4. #4
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
    BH-KatiesMum is online now Community Manager
    Winner 2008 - The most optimistic poster
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    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    have you thought about finding some donor sperm instead of adoption? Donor sperm is a lot easier to arrange than adoption, and it still is then your eggs, and you get to experience pregnancy and birth etc ...

    It is a hard one though - these things are never easy to deal with

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My partner has no sperm at all! We are a same sex couple and I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant from our first IVF cycle. It must be a big blow for you both but don't give up hope on having a baby, there are always ways!

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to A&S For This Useful Post:

    bella25  (11-09-2015)


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