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  1. #1
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    Default Contacting a biological father

    I need some help, I'm unsure what to do here, my daughter is almost 13, her biological father walked out on her when she was 2 because he was too busy with university to be a dad, my daughter was bought up by my husband since she was 13 months old, anyway, we are having ALOT of trouble with her at the moment, she reckons the grass will be greener elsewhere, now I'm not giving up on her, but i always said if she ever asked to meet him I wouldn't deny it and would do what I can to make it happen, so my question is, where do I start? How should I go about this? I know where he works etc he often pops up in my Facebook "people you may know" should I email him, call his work, Facebook, any other suggestions, I'm worried he won't be interested. Which is not fair to her but what do I do!

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    I would private message him on Facebook.

    Please don't call him at work.

    A email/letter/pm gives him the time needed to process without putting him on the spot so to speak.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I would private message him on Facebook.

    Please don't call him at work.

    A email/letter/pm gives him the time needed to process without putting him on the spot so to speak.
    ^^ this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I would private message him on Facebook.

    Please don't call him at work.

    A email/letter/pm gives him the time needed to process without putting him on the spot so to speak.
    I'd go with this too...
    Personally I'd do it on facebook because you can now see that the message has been seen or not. To see whether he is ignoring or just plain hasn't seen it.
    But that's just me.

    Good luck op x

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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyMumma View Post
    I'd go with this too...
    Personally I'd do it on facebook because you can now see that the message has been seen or not. To see whether he is ignoring or just plain hasn't seen it.
    But that's just me.

    Good luck op x
    With Facebook it'll go to his others folder though won't it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kissesforfive View Post
    With Facebook it'll go to his others folder though won't it?
    Depends on his privacy settings

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    Further from the FB help desk:

    You can change your message filtering preferences right from your inbox. Learn how.Basic Filtering
    If you select Basic Filtering, you'll see mostly messages from friends and people you may know (ex: friends of friends) in your inbox. Typically, messages from other people will go to your Other folder, and you won't receive a notification about them.
    Strict Filtering
    If you select Strict Filtering, you'll see mostly messages from friends in your inbox. Some messages from people you want to hear from may go to your Other folder.
    ETA: So if he is like most typical males, it will probably be on basic filtering anyway- and because FB has suggested you may know each other (oh, if only you knew, FB!) it would most likely just go straight to his inbox.
    If he is a bit more of the tech-savvy kind, then yes- there is a very high probability that it will be filtered into other. Of course, I'm just generalising- you know him best. Go with your gut.
    If you can find his phone number a message might be your best back up plan. Even just a "Hey, sorry to contact you on your private phone. I sent you a message on FB regarding DD and I think it may have gone to your other folder. She would really like to meet you. If you could please take some time to think about all of this and then respond when you are ready it would mean a lot to her" etc.
    Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 29-08-2015 at 12:25.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Nomsie View Post
    Further from the FB help desk:



    ETA: So if he is like most typical males, it will probably be on basic filtering anyway- and because FB has suggested you may know each other (oh, if only you knew, FB!) it would most likely just go straight to his inbox.
    If he is a bit more of the tech-savvy kind, then yes- there is a very high probability that it will be filtered into other. Of course, I'm just generalising- you know him best. Go with your gut.
    If you can find his phone number a message might be your best back up plan. Even just a "Hey, sorry to contact you on your private phone. I sent you a message on FB regarding DD and I think it may have gone to your other folder. She would really like to meet you. If you could please take some time to think about all of this and then respond when you are ready it would mean a lot to her" etc.
    He's a architectural engineer, he's very tech savvy!
    But great idea, if I can track his number down!

    Can't be that hard, we have plenty of friends in common.

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    I just wanted to update those who replied, contact was made and it went amazingly, everyone has grown up now and there's been no more fighting, he's looking forward to making contact with her and seeing her and vice versa

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