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  1. #241
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    Default *trigger (suicide)* Should Ashley Madison Cheaters be exposed?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I guess I'm just grateful that I don't know any men who look at p.orn for hours just for the sake of it. Maybe my views have altered since having daughters (I know DH feels very differently since he has girls). I actually just find it really strange that someone sits down at their computer while at work and watches naked women. I think it's pretty disturbing to be honest.

    Different thing if they do it privately and it's legal p.orn. But the whole work thing makes it plain weird.
    I would wager that you do know men who do it, you just don't know they do it. Until DH told me (he does all the IT stuff in the business), I would never have known these guys did that. I won't lie, I find it weird, too. It is quite obviously something that is frequently done by men worldwide, though, or we wouldn't have stories like the one about the principal looking at it at work (which was my original point).

    I think it's incredibly naïve to think otherwise and make blanket statements like "I'm grateful that I don't know any men who do it" because short of watching every man you know 24/7 you simply cannot be sure. Maybe it's not right but I'm just being realistic given the information I have. I highly doubt that these men are so far out of the ordinary as to be extreme cases.

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  3. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apple iPhart6 View Post
    I would wager that you do know men who do it, you just don't know they do it. Until DH told me (he does all the IT stuff in the business), I would never have known these guys did that. I won't lie, I find it weird, too. It is quite obviously something that is frequently done by men worldwide, though, or we wouldn't have stories like the one about the principal looking at it at work (which was my original point).

    I think it's incredibly naïve to think otherwise and make blanket statements like "I'm grateful that I don't know any men who do it" because short of watching every man you know 24/7 you simply cannot be sure. Maybe it's not right but I'm just being realistic given the information I have. I highly doubt that these men are so far out of the ordinary as to be extreme cases.
    I don't want to post the article as I don't want to spread the guy's name. But this is an excerpt of an article after he resigned. I'm also led to believe, from dates given that he was watching it during half term, I could be wrong but that's my assumption. He resigned since he had let the school's standards down. I've taken out private details but I essentially agree with her.

    '...handed in his resignation and had it accepted by the College school council after a picture of him looking at adult p.rn in his office went up on snapchat.

    The council told parents Mr ... had breached it standards and there’s no arguing that watching p.rn at your desk would breach the standards in any office of which I am aware.

    But even still, this school has missed a valuable teaching moment that could have been turned to great benefit for its students, parents and the wider community.

    If p.rn is so easily accessible, so addictive (which other research has shown it to be) and its contents – which often involves women being subjected to a variety of humiliating, demeaning and painful-looking acts at once – considered so benign that “one of Australia’s most respected private school principals” will risk watching it at his desk, then we have a much bigger problem than one guy doing something dumb at work.

    This is a tip-of-the-iceberg example that needs a much more considered response than the quick dispatch of one man with an otherwise spotless record.

    It’s also hypocritical to make an example of one man for something so common and tacitly accepted across school communities and in general; to go Biblical on you, who is appropriately “sin-free” when it comes to viewing p.rn to cast the first stone?

    Far healthier to admit this issue is everywhere, touches everyone, and needs to be addressed front on rather than swept aside.'

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  5. #243
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    This is the thing, we actually don't even know if the suicides where the cheaters or the spouses, the new agencies just say 'linked to the hack.'

    I'm not saying the hack is completely responsible for the suicides, as somone who has depression I completely understand that there's more to suicide. But I'm sorry, the hack could very well have been a trigger and I think it is safe to say that if the hack hadn't happened these people *probably* would not have committed suicide this week, whether they had suicidal thoughts before or after is another issue. Bottom line, they would probably be alive right now and that is all that matters.

    I have a huge issue with anybody ever insinuating somebody deserved to feel so bad that they take their own life. 33 MILLION private details were released. You are never going to convince me that all or any of these people were such awful people that they deserved their lives (and their family's) to be completely ruined.

    It's not even that what the hackers did was illegal, it's that they took the control away from the people who deserved it and decided what the consequences should be for them. It wasn't their job to play God with so many other's lives.
    As far as the suicides....I'm reposting this response for those not reading the whole thread. There has definitely been a blasé vibe from some.

  6. #244
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I don't want to post the article as I don't want to spread the guy's name. But this is an excerpt of an article after he resigned. I'm also led to believe, from dates given that he was watching it during half term, I could be wrong but that's my assumption. He resigned since he had let the school's standards down. I've taken out private details but I essentially agree with her.

    '...handed in his resignation and had it accepted by the College school council after a picture of him looking at adult p.rn in his office went up on snapchat.

    The council told parents Mr ... had breached it standards and there’s no arguing that watching p.rn at your desk would breach the standards in any office of which I am aware.

    But even still, this school has missed a valuable teaching moment that could have been turned to great benefit for its students, parents and the wider community.

    If p.rn is so easily accessible, so addictive (which other research has shown it to be) and its contents – which often involves women being subjected to a variety of humiliating, demeaning and painful-looking acts at once – considered so benign that “one of Australia’s most respected private school principals” will risk watching it at his desk, then we have a much bigger problem than one guy doing something dumb at work.

    This is a tip-of-the-iceberg example that needs a much more considered response than the quick dispatch of one man with an otherwise spotless record.

    It’s also hypocritical to make an example of one man for something so common and tacitly accepted across school communities and in general; to go Biblical on you, who is appropriately “sin-free” when it comes to viewing p.rn to cast the first stone?

    Far healthier to admit this issue is everywhere, touches everyone, and needs to be addressed front on rather than swept aside.'
    This is such a great point. And on top of that, I wonder how many people would be casual about p*rn if they knew how much abuse there is in that industry. And how deeply it has affected our culture in a negative way.

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  8. #245
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopeful1986 View Post
    This is such a great point. And on top of that, I wonder how many people would be casual about p*rn if they knew how much abuse there is in that industry. And how deeply it has affected our culture in a negative way.
    Exactly. I bet a lot don't realise that many of the people in p.orn videos are from people smuggling, kidnappings etc. there is an extremely dark side to it.

    Not to mention the drugs, violence etc.

  9. #246
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    Default *trigger (suicide)* Should Ashley Madison Cheaters be exposed?

    Quote Originally Posted by Apple iPhart6 View Post
    I would wager that you do know men who do it, you just don't know they do it. Until DH told me (he does all the IT stuff in the business), I would never have known these guys did that. I won't lie, I find it weird, too. It is quite obviously something that is frequently done by men worldwide, though, or we wouldn't have stories like the one about the principal looking at it at work (which was my original point).

    I think it's incredibly naïve to think otherwise and make blanket statements like "I'm grateful that I don't know any men who do it" because short of watching every man you know 24/7 you simply cannot be sure. Maybe it's not right but I'm just being realistic given the information I have. I highly doubt that these men are so far out of the ordinary as to be extreme cases.
    I chose my words very deliberately. This topic comes up on BH from time to time. Yes I "know" men I'm sure who look at p.orn at work. The majority of my friends though are professionals whose internet usage is monitored. Constantly. P.orn is just too risky and a lawyer can be dismissed for looking at it on a work computer.

    After the first time this topic came up I asked a lot of the men o know if they look at p.orn at work. Not in a judgmental way and more in the line of do you have people in your workplace who watch p.orn. So they could say "of course I don't but plenty do". The reality is almost every one of my male friends work in environments where it's not possible. I myself am in open plan. Not possible.

    I'm sure there are men I know who do do it. But if I found out I wouldn't call them friends.

  10. #247
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    Default *trigger (suicide)* Should Ashley Madison Cheaters be exposed?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I chose my words very deliberately. This topic comes up on BH from time to time. Yes I "know" men I'm sure who look at p.orn at work. The majority of my friends though are professionals whose internet usage is monitored. Constantly. P.orn is just too risky and a lawyer can be dismissed for looking at it on a work computer.

    After the first time this topic came up I asked a lot of the men o know if they look at p.orn at work. Not in a judgmental way and more in the line of do you have people in your workplace who watch p.orn. So they could say "of course I don't but plenty do". The reality is almost every one of my male friends work in environments where it's not possible. I myself am in open plan. Not possible.

    I'm sure there are men I know who do do it. But if I found out I wouldn't call them friends.
    Definitely not possible at my husband's work. Their computer usage is monitor far too closely, I can't even send certain words or links in emails as their server will automatically block it. He can't access his hotmail accounts or social media on his work computers as they're blocked. There's no way he could access p.rn at work, or get away with watching it.

  11. #248
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    Not possible at DH's work either. Its an open plan office. Very open plan. And the computers are very tightly locked down. Mobile phone use is also frowned upon. In fact, anything that takes time away from productive work is frowned upon.

    I also agree with the point Holly made about this being an issue that needs to be addressed, not swept under the carpet. Its addictive, demeaning to women, and increasingly becoming a major problem.

    At my children's school there was an incident a while back where someone had hacked into the school's computers and when a class of primary kids went to do their IT work, all the screens filled with p*rn. The school had no procedure for dealing with such an incident. They hushed it all up and pretended it didn't happen as they were embarrassed. We need to stop getting embarrassed about it, and start planning what to do about it and have action plans in place.

  12. #249
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    Ashley Madison, apparently just a bunch of dudes talking to dudes:
    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/ashley...233158251.html

  13. #250
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    ^

    The blows keep on coming ....


 

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