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  1. #11
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Default Do you ever feel you are outgrowing your spouse?

    Is it that he's being childish or that he allows himself to be childish (to use your words) while the expectation is that you suck up being ill because someone has to? Not sure if I phrased that right but I feel there has to be some more to what you are saying.

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  3. #12
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    I actually feel a little sorry for your husband. He's got the flu and is feeling absolutely awful and you're embarrassed that he's being childish?

    I've just had the flu, and another awful virus before that and it was the sickest I've ever been. There are some truly debilitating viruses doing the rounds this winter.

    Maybe he's genuinely really ill? Its not childish to complain about suffering when you're sick.

    Or has been annoying you for a while and its not really about how he acts when he's sick but about other things that are going on?

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    I'm guessing you're annoyed because you feel sick too but have to get on with it while he mopes around feeling sorry for himself?

    I don't know your situation but if you're both sick and there are children to look after, then I can see why you'd be frustrated with him.

    Is he like this with other things? Is he general lazy or immature or is it just the way he reacts when sick? If he was well and you were the only one sick, would he step up and let you rest while he sorted the kids/dinner/housework etc?

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  6. #14
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    hope you feel better soon, and can have a talk to him about stuff. It can be hard when people mature at different rates/stages

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    I'm guessing you're annoyed because you feel sick too but have to get on with it while he mopes around feeling sorry for himself?

    I don't know your situation but if you're both sick and there are children to look after, then I can see why you'd be frustrated with him.

    Is he like this with other things? Is he general lazy or immature or is it just the way he reacts when sick? If he was well and you were the only one sick, would he step up and let you rest while he sorted the kids/dinner/housework etc?
    I agree with this and @harvs. I think people may have misunderstood your OP. When DH and I are sick he still pulls his weight but will go and have a sleep on the weekend to help him recover. He would be happy for me to do the same but (a) there are still a thousand jobs that need doing and (b) the kids won't leave me alone so I couldn't rest anyway.

    It's hard not to feel resentful when it seems one person isn't pulling their weight. But I agree of itself it's not really a reason to say a marriage is falling apart.

    Hugs OP x

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    DH went overseas in January and I caught gastro while home by myself with a baby. I was so unwell but just had to carry on because DS wasn't going to wait for me to get better! Two weeks later DH returns from his holiday and catches gastro a day after returning. Climbed in bed and slept for two days. I was fuming!!! It was like he was rubbing his ability to rest in my face. Must be nice being able to relax whenever you want sh1thead.**

    **i should note that **overall** he's a helpful husband.

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    I sense many unspoken irritations in your first post OP lol

    I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling 'off' him when you both are sick and he has completely immersed himself with it and you feel like you have to soldier on by yourself because somebody has too.

    Hugs hope you feel better soon

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    Please let me clarify, DP was sick well before DD or I were. I have no hesitations to say that he was sick and I had no problems taking care of him- getting stronger pharmacy medications, cough syrup, lozenges, the works.

    The first time I found him on the floor, I called Nurse on Call to see what I should do, even though I was exceptionally sick also and taking care of poor DD by myself. After that, we both went to the doctor (MIL had kids) and my temp was alot higher than his, I was given antibiotics and DP not as the doctor said it was not necessary for him.

    We get home and he is absolutely fine talking to his mother, arranging for her to pick up a few things and whatnot, then BAM, once his mother goes he starts whinging and complaining. I have absolutely no qualms or issues when taking care of DP when he is really sick. He is usually very quiet, sleeps alot and doesn't get out of bed.. but he isn't, he's shuffling and sounds as though his is deliberately straining his voice (like DS does when he doesn't want to go to school).

    Him lying on the (carpet) floor again as of a few hours ago, I didn't meant to sound as mean or arrogant, but it just seemed so attention seeking in context with the stuff written above. I know DP, and I do love him very much , but it's very jarring and confusing when I am seeing him absolutely fine and then he is on the floor, moaning only when I walk past.

    I just don't get it.
    Last edited by Nomia; 18-08-2015 at 23:44.

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    Default Do you ever feel you are outgrowing your spouse?

    Ask him about it/call him in it. "Gee DH you seem to have gone downhill fast since your mum left, are you ok? do you want me to call an ambulance?"

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  14. #20
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    @Nomia I totally get you, my,husband is the same.
    He had a gastro bug a while ago. Not only did he vomit on the carpet when to bathroom was 2m away he then had the next day off work which is fair enough but spent it in the living room moping about and complaining about how sick he was while I was also home looking after our son. I have a massive phobia of vomit so it made me feel on edge the whole day and I had the ****s that he hadn't been responsible enough to take a bucket to bed even though he was sick already when he went to bed. I told him if he was really that sick then he should be in the bedroom not in the living area making everyone else sick and he thought I was being a cow.
    Not surprisingly I got his sickness a few days later. Sucks it up. Hit the toilet every time. Stayed in the bedroom while he was home and looked after our son while he was at work.
    Men can just be such sooks when they are sick and I honestly find it pretty hard to deal with.


 

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