I have no advice as I've never had to deal with a hoarder first hand but I'd be seriously thinking about getting a psych/therapist who has experience with hoarders to try and help her. the physical stuff around her is just a symptom of an anxious and disorders mind. try and address the underlying anxiety and the hoarding may become easier to deal with.
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16-08-2015 16:20 #11
16-08-2015 16:52 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
I'm so angry. Help please
Whoops kids got to phone. Pls ignore. Sorry.
Last edited by misho; 16-08-2015 at 17:43.
16-08-2015 19:29 #13
However, just because someone is unwell that doesn't mean it's an excuse. Op, I would be avoiding that house/car and if your mum asks why, be upfront - because it's uncomfortable due to the amount of stuff.
Hugs. Dealing with hoarding is difficult, heartbreaking and frustrating.
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16-08-2015 20:59 #14
I have a family member who runs a company that will help cleaning up in situations like this. Unfortunately not in your state though! They can be quite sensitive to hoarders.
16-08-2015 21:10 #15
I really feel for you and I really understand your anger. Good on you for wanting to help your dad, but I can't help feeling that you should maybe walk away from helping your mum personally, and like someone suggested maybe enlist the help of a professional. Hoarding is unfortunately a mental illness and you won't be able to reason with your mum. It is hard. As for your husband, he has no emotional attachment so he isn't really helping either. I would really get the ****s.
16-08-2015 21:39 #16
17-08-2015 10:00 #17
Yeah hoarding is horrible. I'm the opposite due to growing up with it I can't stand it etc hate junk I just throw it away, obsessive clean hate old/second hand things. This plays a mental part in my brain.
Her house burnt down when she was a little girl, and now this so I feel sorry for her but it's like when's she going to 'parent' me? I hope that makes sense. I feel like I'm the adult. She can't even invite people over because of her mess so it's a proper problem for those that don't understand. Like there isn't a chair to sit on!
I cancelled going down there today. I'm going to ask my psych for an app and referrals to specialist shrinks for her as I can't handle it anymore. It's suffocating my family.
17-08-2015 11:35 #18
monnie, you cant and shouldn't be having to deal with this. your mother needs professional help. there is no other way around it. you already realise that growing up with her has caused you to have serious issues, and you can't live a normal life with her. She has many problems perhaps starting from the house fire when she was small. you might be able to help your dad, but if she is controlling the situation, I would back away. you really need to let her live her life. she is not able to be your parent, she is probably still locked in the trauma from her childhood. I do understand why your husband is not supporting you with her, he can see that no good will come from it , without your mum getting proper professional care. look after yourself, and your own family, give a little help to your father, if you can, but please just avoid your mum. that is a sad thing to say, but that is how I see the best way forward. hugs , marie.
15-01-2016 13:33 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
your mothers hoarding and mental problems are no longer your problem. Just do what you can (without it killing you) to help your dad and ignore your mothers blabber.
Also your dad needs to speak up and get his wife to lift her game. Your husband might be over it before you are coz he no feel connection to the home etc.
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