If you can swing it I do agree with the tips above - the 2 days DS goes to childcare keep me sane (I don't do sleep training but I just do not do much for at least one of those days).
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05-09-2016 19:43 #171Senior Member
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05-09-2016 20:20 #172
Sleeping Like A Baby
Thanks ladies, hearing I'm not alone helps immensely. That it's normal, etc.
DS1 was going to nursery school/childcare two mornings a week (finished there) and is now starting at a Montessori preschool this week three mornings a week this week. So he'll be busy three mornings at least. He still naps so I do try and coordinate that nap so I can lie down with ds2. Although I have no plans on stopping that it does make it hard to start a 'standard' routine with DS 2's naps and feeds. We do watch lots of tv right now but usually whenever I try to put ds2 down to sleep ds1 decides he needs me or just wants to show me something on his tv show . I usually end up pounding the pavement and going to the park as its the easiest way to keep ds2 asleep and ds1 happy and busy. But winter is coming to London .
As far as sleep training, besides the practicalities of having a toddler around I also just don't feel mentally or physically strong enough to try it, if that makes sense. I did just look at the wonder weeks chart and ds2 is right at the beginning of the four month leap/regression so maybe that's why the last few days have been so awful. He also looks like he's trying to roll when he plays on his mat.
He is really lovely, I'm just finding this all so much harder than I thought I would right now and the constant voice every time I feed to sleep that I'm doing something wrong doesn't help.
05-09-2016 23:47 #173
Oh hollygolightly. I really feel for you right now. It's so hard. My 2 littles are 17 months apart and tbh I found the whole first year pretty challenging. Long story short.... I found that putting babe on a pretty strict routine helped sooooo much. I found that every member of the family was feeling pretty stressed so making our daily routine very structured and predictable helped everyone be more secure. In terms of how do I find the time to implement babes routine with toddler in tow? Well for me the fact that it was so predictable helped toddler understand what I was doing. He learnt quickly that this is what mum does when DD is going to bed and she will be free to play with me in a little bit. Also to my surprise baby DD also learnt to fall asleep with toddler DS screaming in her ear. Again I think it was due to the routine that she understood that when I wrapped her and sung our song (and did all my routine bedtime habits) that it was time to sleep so even if DS started being cheeky and making noise she just ignored him. It wasn't perfect and wasn't easy but we survived. You will too. Only you can decide if that's the style of parenting that works for you. In the mean time please be more gentle on yourself. You are not doing anything wrong. Nothing is a bad habit. Just take one step at a time and do what feels right for today. You are doing ok. Your children are ok. And I promise it will get easier. Xxx
05-09-2016 23:52 #174
Oh and I have a friend with a toddler and little babe. She drives for one day sleep everyday. The baby sleeps, she go through a drive-thru and gets toddler some food and then parks somewhere and sits on Facebook for 20min. I couldn't do this but it works for her! Moral of the story..... You WILL find what works for you. Xxx
06-09-2016 00:30 #175
Sleeping Like A Baby
Thanks RCS. We do have a bit of a routine, but it's not really what I'm used to from nanny days or ds1 (i.e. Set sleep times and spaces) and with anxiety and being a control freak that drives me a bit batty. We wake up and do breakfast, get ready, and then go out for a walk to get baby to sleep. I try to stay out until lunchtime or after and not come home until it's time for ds1's nap so ds2 usually has a long nap and a catnap in the pram. Then lunch and everyone down for a nap. Then wake and out again before dinner to try and get ds2 to have another catnap to get him through to bedtime and I try to stay out until DH gets home so I don't go crazy with nap/dinner/bath/bed with them both. Then DH takes over ds1 for dinner and bath and I start ds2's bedtime routine. For that lunchtime sleep I usually just lie with DS and let him feed to sleep and I try to relax next to him. I feed to sleep or go for a walk with every sleep and I guess I'm worrying about the dreaded 'bad habits' and 'creating a rod for my back.' He was feeding to sleep at bedtime but then sleeping until about midnight and then waking once or twice after that which I could cope with but the past few days it just feels like constant feeding or waking whenever I try to put him down. Last night he woke every sleep cycle after bedtime until I finally threw my hands up and just went to bed, then it was every 1-2 hours.
I do wonder if he has reflux. He's not unsettled or unhappy but he vomits and chokes or coughs a lot (much more than ds1 ever did) and sometimes milk even comes out his nose. But because he's not unsettled and is putting weight on is it even considered a problem?
I'm just feeling defeated. I keep trying to tell myself it gets easier, I know it does, but right now it is really hard to believe that.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-09-2016 at 00:55.
06-09-2016 07:13 #176
Sleeping Like A Baby
DS was fed to sleep until he was 14 months old. I had to feed til he was asleep then hold him upright for at least 10-15 minutes to let the milk settle, which kept him asleep once down.
When we stopped feeding to sleep we had great success with pat shush (and I don't mean banging the mattress by their heads like I've seen suggested before. Rubbing their back (or tummy depending on how he sleeps) and shushing is far more soothing. You could also try one hand on his back and the other doing a gentle tapping on his bum in a heart beat pattern (again only if he's safely sleeping on his tummy - ie can lift his head to move it from side to side and/or roll over if need be).
Could you maybe try and do 1sleep at home with DS2 while DS 1 is napping and try a pat shush with Ds2 at that nap and bed time with your DH at home looking after DS1, Then he can have his pram and car sleeps for the other 2 naps?
Last edited by A-Squared; 06-09-2016 at 07:17.
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06-09-2016 16:08 #177
Sleeping Like A Baby
He loves sucking the dummy, he often fusses at bedtime like he wants to suck but doesn't want to feed and if you pop the dummy in he'll pass out. But usually his sleep is pretty crap if he falls asleep with the dummy.
I genuinely don't think I'm up for sleep training right now, I just don't have the patience/tolerance/strength to try it right now. Maybe once my antidepressants kick in.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-09-2016 at 16:11.
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06-09-2016 16:21 #178
It can still be silent reflux, silent refers to the fact they don't actually throw up, so it might not be burning him - hence the no crying, but still coming up making him uncomfortable if that makes sense.
Totally get not being ready to sleep train, sounds like you have a good system going with the pram and car sleeps. Make the most of your husband while he's around and sleep, sleep, sleep while you get the chance, until you're either ready or it passes.
06-09-2016 16:32 #179
I have some infant gaviscon that I got when he was a newborn as I thought he had reflux but I gave up on it as it was such a pain and I couldn't even get it into him. Is that worth giving a try again or best to just go back to gp?
I don't use the car for naps, London driving wouldn't help I think
One reason I go for so many walks is because ds1 won't nap unless I really wear him out and we are in a flat with no garden. Life would be so much easier with a back garden!
06-09-2016 16:56 #180
What A said is right on regarding silent reflux. DS1 had it shocking. He did sometimes throw up but not usually, and he stacked on the weight as the milk soothed the burning. but then they get into a bad cycle where there is always milk in their tummy which continues to hurt them
How old is he? My first thoughts were a leap, teeth? DS2 cut his 2yr old molars by about 15 months old. Getting sick? EI?
I have crap sleeper all the time, so I hear you. I've actually become accustomed to chronic deprivation and genunely wonder how I'm vertical most days. It does get better, I promise
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