@Charlie74 there's no easy answer to feeling this way. I do have children however that has not been easy and I have had a neonatal death at 28 weeks ( I hope I'm not saying the wrong thing by mentioning this on this forum). Hence I find myself at 42 desperately wanting another child after 5 years of recovery from that experience. I feel a desperation and fruitlessness in this TTC and IVF process and can completely relate to how you are feeling. I have never experienced such a roller coaster of one minute something positive next minute another hurdle. My tip - I went to Lorna Jane and bought myself some exercise gear and have started walking to give myself a focus and get those feel good endorphins up. It can be anything really, just something to focus on and try and reduce the all consuming nature of this process.
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13-09-2015 10:06 #951Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2015
Last edited by Green lady; 13-09-2015 at 10:09.
13-09-2015 10:32 #952
@Charlie74 Yes Luv, totally understand how you're feeling
I think AF being late in combination with Preggo women coming at you from all sides doesn't help matters either. It's really, really painful to be around Preggo people sometimes..most especially close family/friends. Although there's a part of you that's happy for them, it hurts too. In fact, sometimes it hurts more.
All the stressing and anxiety around getting the $ to keep going makes you angry/bitter and resentful at times of others knowing the only "forking" out they'll do is with their 2 legs every month trying!!! Oh what a luxury that would be hey Luv???
And yes, this whole journey takes over absolutely every facet of your life!!! You live and breathe it 24/7 most of the time. It's difficult to think of anything else while you're still TTC or find enjoyment sometimes in even the simplest of things or to just "switch off" and give your mind/emotions a break!!
I know a lot of the Girls here on BH have utilised the free sessions with a counsellor at their Clinics to help them through. Of course we're all here to help and support you too This place was a godsend for me during so many of my darkest days on this shiz of a ride.
I also tried to do other things for myself like having massages or a pedicure etc every now and again when we could afford to just to give myself a little bit of TLC and DP and I, in an attempt to act like a "normal" couple in the real world, would try to go and do something simple for ourselves on the odd occasion such as going to the movies or the markets etc just so we could escape the IVF bubble we were living in.
It's about doing what you have to do to survive this b*tch of a journey!!!
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 13-09-2015 at 10:37.
13-09-2015 11:13 #953
@greenlady, I second the idea of walking for stress relief.
I am widely known as a non-exerciser amongst my friend group. There is no form of exercise I enjoy. None. I wouldn't run unless a big dog was chasing me, and even then I'd only try and run a smidge faster than my husband. (Wouldn't have to out-run the dog, just him, lol.)
Anyway, since 2 weeks prior to starting this cycle (ie: Day 1) I started going out for a walk around my neighborhood. At first it was a chore, and I only did it for 20 minutes or so, and at a snail's pace.
Gradually the distance increased, although the pace did not, lol. Well, i didnt want to push myself, and the start of an IVF cycle was not a time to put my body under duress.
Now, I walk twice a day for an hour, and I tell you, it is so so important to me. Even in my darkest hours, if I can get out into the fresh air and sunshine and look at people's gardens and cats as I wander by for an hour, I always feel better by the time I get back.
So yes, @Charlie, if you do get a chance, take yourself out for a little walk. More hugs for you love
13-09-2015 11:15 #954
PS: Still busy saving up pee here, lol.
I went down the street and got a fresh pack of HPT's and have only had a cup of fluids this morning so am hopefully dehydrating nicely
I am going to try and hang on as long as I can, and will report in once I've done the next test in (hopefully) a couple of hours.
Wish me luck!
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13-09-2015 11:19 #955
Good on you love, sometimes we really do need to have a good cry and let it all out. That's exactly how I was this morning - it was just all too much - and I lost my sh!t big time.
Sounds like a good man you have there my dear. My DH is the strong but silent type. He does not express himself well. In fact, I can be in tears and he'll say "There's nothing we can do, we just have to wait!" That's as supportive as he gets.
Your fella deserves a medal!
Take care of yourself love. This is a hard gig and we all have our moments.
13-09-2015 11:36 #956
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13-09-2015 12:05 #957
@Charlie74 yep I know exactly how you feel. A good cry always makes me feel better too and it is ok to feel sorry for ourselves because we are battling this stuff and very few people understand. Although, I'm really only just now- at the start of cycle no 14 - starting to look at pregnant women and feel more than twinges of resentment. I guess all along I really believed that we WILL get there but I'm starting to waiver. As I said in an earlier post, I'm over this ****e. Life has been on hold now for years. I earn really good money, thank god, but never have any money any more. I look around at my house and see all these thing that need doing, renovating I want to do, DP has a boat and car (boys toys) that need work, holidays I want to go on... Etc and EVERYTHING is just out of reach. I'm sooooo sick of this. I'm getting narky about the fact that people know and want to know how it's going and ask. They all just care of course but jeeeeezzzzz leave me alone and stop talking about my INFERTILITY! Ffs.
And then some pricks in Africa got my credit card details somehow (we were careful) and racked up $3500 on it last week. Yep. The icing on my cake. I'm looking forward to going back to CT next week but super paranoid now about how I'm going to pay for stuff.
13-09-2015 12:35 #958
@leyshoja, it must have been the week for it. We had a hack attempt on our credit cards last week too, and had to cancel them all. Were lucky enough not to lose any $$$ out of it - predominantly because we HAVE NO MONEY anymore, lol.
Still haven't POAS yet. Haven't peed since about 7am this morning or thereabouts. Not busting to go as I'm limiting fluids. Will try and hold out til 3pm if I can!
13-09-2015 12:42 #959
@leyshoja You're frucking kidding Luv?? Surely your bank is going to waive those fee's due to the fraudulent way they were accrued?? Surely the fraud squad at your bank will do some investigating and hopefully get to the bottom of who/how it happened??
Either way, last thing you needed at an already stressful time FFS's!!!xo
@Krysta74 Good job Luv holding on!! Almost there now.... & Good Luck!!!! Will be thinking of you too and looking out for your updatexo
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13-09-2015 13:49 #960
Yes BIB the bank will more than likely waive all those charges. My card has now been closed by the bank, and thank god they alerted me so quickly, so now I'm concerned about only going over with one credit card. I don't want to use my savings account as its linked to all my loans and last time I was there, sometimes one credit card wouldn't work when I wanted to pay for something, and sometimes the OTHER one wouldn't. I think I'll go with just enough cash to pay for my airport transfers and the only other big things I have to pay are the CFC ivf clinic, and my hotel food bill. I need to get onto the bank first thing Monday to try to organise some SA money in time for my travel ! This just took the shine off my trip a bit. Fruckers.
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