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  1. #1
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    Default Inlaws driving me Insane

    I've always had a rocky relationship with my Inlaws, they didn't approve of me from get go.
    Now that soon to be DH and I are expecting in December it's just getting worse. There are many snide remarks thrown at me like "oh wow there is 3 loads of washing to be done! You are never going to cope once baby is born" to telling my partner I need to be taken to a doctor and put on medication for my depression that hasn't been an issue for over 3 years. The last straw was last night when DP told his parents about movement and it was stated that I have no say and I have to let them touch my belly as it is their right as grandparents to touch the baby.

    I have no idea how to try and deal with this anymore, talking to my partner about it is leading to arguments and talking to them makes it worse.

    Has anyone else had to deal with this?? In need of some advice please

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    I'm sorry you're going through all this. I never let anyone except my DH and my OB touch my belly! It's such an invasion of personal space. Don't give in to them now. Yes they may be the grandparents but you are the Mum.

  3. #3
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    oooh NOW is the time to set boundries. Tell them nicely that whilst they are the grandparents, you are the parent, and that if they continue with their shizz, to remember that being in the child's life is a PRIVLEDGE not a RIGHT. I would not let them touch my belly either.. just say 'nope, sorry but it's my body and I don't like it''. Get your dh to step it up too. - it's HIS parents. Honestly, with the snide remarks, eg the washing I'd respond with ''unless you are offering to do it, I don't want to hear it. or - my washing is not your problem''. Cut them down or they will walk all over you and they will tell you how to parent. NO No & NO is what you both should be doing.

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    I think you need your DH to step up and put them in their place. They need be respectful of you and know it's unacceptable to pass judgement.

    Towards the end of my pregnancy, when people felt the need to touch my belly, I just reciprocated... The looks of horror followed by blushing were worth it.

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  7. #5
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    Simply and firmly state dont touch me. If the try block it every single time. Simple state that this is your body and they are not touch unless invited too.

    Now is time to remind them as grandparents they only get the rights you choose them to have. If they want to be involved in their grandchildren lives they need to know from the get go you and your do are boss. You are the parents. Plain and simple.
    It really will benefit you to fight this battle now. It so much harder after bub is born.

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tillyy View Post
    I've always had a rocky relationship with my Inlaws, they didn't approve of me from get go.
    Now that soon to be DH and I are expecting in December it's just getting worse. There are many snide remarks thrown at me like "oh wow there is 3 loads of washing to be done! You are never going to cope once baby is born" to telling my partner I need to be taken to a doctor and put on medication for my depression that hasn't been an issue for over 3 years. The last straw was last night when DP told his parents about movement and it was stated that I have no say and I have to let them touch my belly as it is their right as grandparents to touch the baby.

    I have no idea how to try and deal with this anymore, talking to my partner about it is leading to arguments and talking to them makes it worse.

    Has anyone else had to deal with this?? In need of some advice please
    If they're not going to respect you just avoid them.

    If they want to know why you're avoiding them then have your partner tell them.

    If they're going to wise up and treat you like an adult then start seeing them again. In laws or not you don't need these kind of people in your life.

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  10. #7
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    Ugh you poor thing!

    The response to that statement that you must let them touch you is to remember "no" is a complete sentence.

    "Wa wa we can touch her belly. We're the grandparents"

    "No" said with a smile. Change the subject.

    Your DH needs to be on your side though and where possible, should be the one to respond to his parents to show them that he and you are a family unit and you're in the same team.

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    Thanks so much ladies.

    I'm going to sit DH down and calmly explain to him how I'm feeling about the situation and hopefully he will then back me up. Last time we spoke he was siding with his parents about the touching and didn't understand why I don't want them to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tillyy View Post
    Thanks so much ladies.

    I'm going to sit DH down and calmly explain to him how I'm feeling about the situation and hopefully he will then back me up. Last time we spoke he was siding with his parents about the touching and didn't understand why I don't want them to.
    Have your mum come over and grab his ****

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  16. #10
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    Ask him if it's okay for everyone man and his dog to rub him in his tummy/groin area.
    Make sure you inform your mum and dad infront of him that it is fully execpted that when the visit they are rub your dh's tummy/groin. Maybe even get your mum and dad to put their face up against his belly and maybe even kisses it.

    Seriously what your dh thinks is okay is totally irrelevant. IT'S YOUR BODY NOT HIS.


 

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