I don't see why your DS would really question it to be honest. It's his mums name, it happens a lot.
So you let him stay in the house with you? I think he needs to leave, while he's there you are going to be constantly on edge, and he will not let up on the pressure.
If you intend to let him stay I would make a deal. He can stay in the house to be with his son but you get the naming rights. Maybe put a time limit on it. If he wants his last name used then he has to move out.
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22-07-2015 11:24 #21
22-07-2015 11:25 #22
22-07-2015 11:27 #23
I agree with the two surnames just not hyphenated and put which ever name sounds better as a middle name and just one surname as the surname.
That way you're both represented, because to be honest I can't see him becoming a loving husband and father just because you add his name but at least he's represented and you can be the bigger person. Then when he flits off again and your DS asks about him later in life you can tell him you did the 'right' thing which will be a good lesson for him.
Also you can then use it as ammunition next time he wants something you don't, you can tell him he has to compromise just like you did. If he's not willing to, then you will know he will always be all about him and not compromising with you.
22-07-2015 11:29 #24
I admire your strength through this whole ordeal. Please keep in mind that him living with you is a PRIVILEGE for him and he should be made fully aware of that.
22-07-2015 11:50 #25
Also, in my view, when he cheated on the OP he cheated on his son as well. He chose to forfeit equal rights to this baby when he chose to disregard his family and treat his child's mother with such disrespect.
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22-07-2015 12:17 #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2015
it was my first child I would hyphenate the last name for sure, you dont have to use both just put your last name as the second hyphened one and write it as a singular,
ex if its bob smith-brown you can just write bob smith except on legal documents I believe?
the ex had no say in what my second was called, I did it all alone so I named him but I made sure ex didnt absolutely hate it though
22-07-2015 12:22 #27Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2015
22-07-2015 13:18 #28
I have changed a child's surname legally and it was a drama (child was aged 5 years).
If I had my time over I would have used my surname from the beginning.
Bare in mind changing baby's surname later if you marry will still require bio father's signature, even if bub has your surname. If bio's name is on the birth cert as the father, he gets a say. Best of luck xX
22-07-2015 13:22 #29
22-07-2015 13:39 #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
But it kinda does sound like you're letting him do this to you
He wanted to move in and so you've said yes, he wants to be at the birth and you've said yes... And now he wants the name his way as well...
Be strong, you can do this!
Don't let him walk all over you ESPECIALLY if you're holding out for a possible reconciliation...
If he wants you back, make him work for it. Don't just give in to him, on the hope that he'll just wake up and say he wants you back.
If you decide to choose his surname for the child, then do it because it's best for the child and not because you're scared to tick him off.
The baby will change your life, trust me. Don't make any decisions until it's born but please don't allow him to have authority to lodge paperwork or what not without your knowledge.
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