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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    OP, you've taken the advice on board really well, well done. It sounds like there are a few tricky relationships in the family (as there are in all families!) So please take this advice with the kindness that is intended: I think you should lighten up about the wedding. A wedding lasts a day. Relationships with family members last a lifetime. Your BIL will be in your life forever. In 5, 10 years, the wedding will be a memory, the good, bad, crazy - none of it really matters. After all of the cake has been eaten, and the dress has been shoved to the back of the wardrobe, what will remain is family.

    Don't worry about superstitions, like 'buying a bargain dress means the marriage wont last'. Your dress has nothing to do with your marriage lasting. Your relationship with DH is what will depend on the marriage lasting or not.

    I have been married for 10 years now. I'm sure many hubbers have been married much longer than me. Trust me when I say that energy you put into your relationships is SO much more important than the energy you put in to a wedding day.

    I wish you all the best.
    My dress was a secondhand ex rental dress that had to fixed so I could use it. I didn't love it but I like it and it was in my budget.
    We have been married for 22 years. Marriage lasting is more about 2 people being committed and putting in the hard yards so the good times can be great.

    If you can afford the dress of your dreams than go for it, just don't make it a sign that your marriage will last or go under.

    Your relationship with your families is and always be more meaningful than any piece of cloth that you put on your back.

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  3. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by NaughtyLibrarian View Post
    Yes he is 15. Yes he isn't an adult.

    Yes he is my BIL. Yes he should be present in all things family related.

    Yes I want him there. Yes I don't want him there.

    I want him there because he will be family. I don't want him there because he will succeed in ruining the evening for everyone and cause problems. It's his MO.

    I don't want to have to have him there. I want to want him there and he hasn't even shown an inkling of an interest in his brother's life ever because he is too busy eating everything he can find and breaking everything given to him.

    The fact is I wanted a NO UNDER 18's engagement party because I don't want to have to worry about the safety of said under 18's while I am celebrating my engagement. I don't want to have to worry about the discomfort of my guests who don't know him and who arent used to a spoilt brat running around annoying adults because he gets off on it.

    But I will still end up having him there. Just like I might end up having to give all control of my wedding to MIL.

    It would be easier if she did everything. I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. I wouldn't have to design and make my dream dress as I always wanted.

    I feel that if I break that one rule about under 18's, I might as well let MIL take over everything and give me a wedding I didn't want. I feel that if I give just that inch she will take the whole mile and center it around her.

    For the first time in my life I can be selfish. After 27 years spent making everyone else happy, even to my detriment, I feel I have the right to have a stress and conflict free situation.

    All that being said, should DF want it, BIL will be present and I will deal with the inevitable fallout when the time comes.
    Your last paragraph.... You said DH thinks the same and doesn't want him there. Now you're saying IF he wants him there. Confused.

    All in all I think you should invite him.

    As a PP said, ask him what he wants to do. He might not want to go. If he does then let him. If he starts drinking or being purposely abnoxious, tell your DF to talk to his mum to get her to bring him into line. Heck even send him to his room. You said he loves computer games and might even prefer to play them in his room than be with the adults in the backyard.

  4. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    How the heck does your DF know anything about your dress?? It's supposed to be a secret!!!
    I only told him I'm making it myself.

    He doesn't know anything else

  5. #84
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    Omg you're making your dress yourself?? I can't even sew a button on. Good luck! Post a pic when it's done.

    I'm a big believer in treating kids as equals. My eldest is 3, so I have for had to live with the consequences yet. But I figure they have to learn, and they can't learn by being excluded. Every 15yo boy is awkward and will make questionable decisions.

    As others said its not worth risking a relationship over. But I would take the time to talk to him first and set the scene, let him know no alcohol, that he isn't to cause trouble. But you can't say don't talk to my friends because your irritating

  6. #85
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    I too am planning an engagement party. My brother is a brat who chucks tantrums and destroys things in anger and my sister is a pubescent ***** who has stolen from me and is physically violent. One is 10 the other is 16. Would i consider not having them there because of that? No way in hell. Will they cause drama on the night? Probably. But they'll still be there.

    Point is i get it i get where you are coming from. But its something both of us have to put aside.
    Im sure youll have an amazing time regardless
    Last edited by MummaCat; 22-07-2015 at 08:17.

  7. #86
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    So I am planning a edwardian high waist corset skirt and a victorian underbust corset jacket with a queen anne neckline. The veil will be a lotr elvish cape. All in white but different material textures...

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  9. #87
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    Maybe you say to him, if he is good on the night, and behaves, that you will reward him with a new console LOL. Would that work ? Bribery ? haha

  10. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by NaughtyLibrarian View Post
    The fact is I wanted a NO UNDER 18's engagement party because I don't want to have to worry about the safety of said under 18's while I am celebrating my engagement. I don't want to have to worry about the discomfort of my guests who don't know him and who arent used to a spoilt brat running around annoying adults because he gets off on it.
    The thing is, it's not just that this is your future BIL. It's his home. If you want an over 18 party with him not around, you need to change the venue. Hire a hall. You are living with your MIL and BIL, you can't expect him to leave bc you've chosen to host a party at his home that you don't want him at. That's unfair on him imo.

    No wedding is ever perfect, nor is marriage. Just relax a bit and have fun and allow his mother to deal with him.


    Quote Originally Posted by NaughtyLibrarian View Post
    Yes it was a tantrum and I felt I deserve it after months of keeping quiet about said teenager scratching through my stuff, stealing from me and so forth
    Sounds like it's time to get your own place.

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  12. #89
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    At the end of the day if he is annoying other people he is not annoying you! Im sure he will be fine and you will be so busy talking to people that you wont even notice him. Happy Engagement

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  14. #90
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    He should be invited because he lives there and he's your dfs brother and he isn't a child.. it's rude if you don't invite him to a party at his own house.

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