Hi lovely, brave ladies of BH.
Im not starting this thread to derail your previous thread 'if i had my time over, I would never have had children'
And I hope i don't offend anyone by starting this, but... I have to admit that reading along, I am quietly crapping myself for when we do decide to start a family.
I'm really interested to know, if you still chose to have children, What would have you done differently?
What positive things do your children bring you?
Although i completely understand where you are all coming from, I would love to hear some positives.
Again, i am sorry if this doesn't come across in the right way and if it offends everyone. I think each and everyone of you are doing an amazing job and at the end of your day if your children are loved, their tummies are full and are warm at night, you have done your job.
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Results 1 to 10 of 30
16-07-2015 10:11 #1
Double Spinoff - Children thread
16-07-2015 10:22 #2
DS was unplanned at 23. We are now having our second at 28 after getting married, building a house etc etc. I am only pregnant again so long after having DS because I've only felt 'ready' last year (wanted the wedding first).
Don't get me wrong, Its still daunting as heck though!! There is a reason there is a 5 year gap too, and that is because I realised very quickly that I wouldn't have coped with a toddler + baby. And the reason I'm stopping at 2 is because I wouldn't cope with more.
Our son brings us so much laughter and joy and love. He's such a funny little dude and now at 5 I take him almost everywhere with me, he's really easy to be with most of the time. I feel 'naked/light/weird' without him (except when at work). Just last night, in the middle of his bedtime story he stopped me, gave me a squeeze and said 'i love you so much, you are just the best mummy ever!'
Earlier that afternoon however .... lol
Sorry, I hope that helps somewhat.
16-07-2015 10:36 #3
I had my first at 31, my second at 33 and I'm pregnant with my 3rd bub (I will be 35). All 3 were planned.
I don't think I would do anything differently. I had so much fun in my 20's, working, took 6 months leave from work and backpacked overseas when I was 24, partied, lived in New York for 6 months, had lots of relationships etc.
I met my husband when I was 27 we had a great few years of freedom before we had kids and also did more travel. We both owned houses and had established careers when we met.
Our kids are amazing and we love them to death . They bring a different kind of joy to our lives, maybe less exciting than our old lives but certainly more meaningful. I honestly have never had a single day or moment when I wished I didn't have them or that my life would be better had I chosen a different, childless path.
I have decided on a career change and I study at uni full time, while having my kids at home full time (just turned 4 and 1). Life is full.
Before kids I was not overly maternal - certainly not towards other people's kids. Yet I know I am a great mum to my boys and I'm looking forward to the arrival of number 3
16-07-2015 10:49 #4
No offence taken. Having children is like anything in life - there are positives and negatives.
For me, the timing was the big problem. I really wanted children when I was younger but I didn't meet my DH until I was 30. And then by the time we'd built a solid relationship and married, etc I was 34. And then despite lots of trying for a year or two, I didn't fall pregnant. When bub finally came along (I was 40) we'd set our lives on a very different path, and not one that was compatible with having a baby. So it meant a lot of changes and sacrifices for us.
The positives are that you have this amazing little person who loves you unconditionally. My heart melts when my little boy sees me, says "mum, mum, mum, mum", and reaches out to be picked up. And he goes bananas when he sees his dad (definitely a daddy's boy).
Cuddles. There is just nothing like baby cuddles. Open, honest, true.
I love watching him learn new stuff. You watch their little faces and see the mind ticking over as they figure out how to do things. I've enjoyed watching him learn to sit up and (sort of) crawl, and currently pulling himself up on the furniture.
I have changed since having him, and definitely for the better. I'm far more emotional now - I think I was a bit of a robot before (very emotionally detached and not terribly empathetic). This was self-defence so that I didn't have to face disappointment. But being a parent has taught me to stop and appreciate the small/simple things that once upon a time I would not have noticed or paid attention to. I live life a bit slower and there's more joy.
I've also met some wonderful mummies along the way that have become good friends. They have kept me sane at those times when it all seemed too hard.
16-07-2015 10:57 #5
Double Spinoff - Children thread
I have 2 DS. One is 7, my other is 11 months. I love my little boys so much.
They are amazing little people. Vibrant, happy, curious, joyful and wanting to know what is happening with the world around them. My DS1 loves reading his school reading books to DS2.
I feel my little guys are an extension of DH and myself. They are well travelled and we often go on holidays together eg we are off snow skiing in a fortnights time. They go with the flow with what we like to do. My DS1 loves the races!
What would I have done differently: Don't get me wrong, it has certainly not been all happy times. It took us 6 years to have DS2. Many rounds of IVF and we lost a Bub at 16 weeks too. The one thing I wish I did earlier was starting my family. In my twenties, we traveled, got married, bought and sold houses. We weren't ready for kids but it may have been the best thing for us to do. I have had so many health problems since DS2 birth including a stroke. DS2 was prem and has had so many medical appts in his short life. He has never slept through the night either. All this is a norm now, not forever. Our attitude is to live our life as best as we can.
Last edited by New Hope; 16-07-2015 at 11:50.
16-07-2015 11:01 #6
Thank you so much ladies. I truly appreciate hearing everyones differing perspectives. I guess I am at that stage in my life where one minute i think I am 100% ready and then i freak out and worry that my life is going to change so much and I am scared of losing what me and my wonderful DH have that I start second guessing myself and convince myself that I'm not ready. Gosh i wish i was a more chilled out and relaxed person.
16-07-2015 11:07 #7
It is such a hard question.
Personally the one thing I'd recommend is to have kids with the right person 😉
The one that will be 100% committed to his/her family and shares your view on long term priorities and house chores repartition.
For me I needed someone who would go 50/50 on house duties and child rearing. I'm not cut to be a SAHM so needed a very committed dad to work around the house, get up in the middle of the night etc.
Other than that it's so hard to know what kind of parent you'll be and whether you'll enjoy it...
I only started to long for kids well into my 30s. I wasn't the kind to swoon over babies and still aren't. When I catch up with friends I avoid the one who only discuss parenting/pregnancies etc. I've got BH for that.
So I wasn't very confident I'd love being a parent.
Well so far so good. I have a 2yo and a 2mo and I love love love my life. I love the balance between our careers and our family. I honestly can't tell that having kids has taken a toll on our love life either.
I only see positives all round! Except that they are quite expensive 😉
16-07-2015 11:09 #8
Sorry I realise I actually didnt answer your question!
I wouldn't do anything differently.
I had my kids after I turned 30yo. Which gave me the chance to be crazy, to travel the world extensively and to establish my career. Perfect timing for me.
I still have plenty of energy to run after them and get up in the middle of the night.
16-07-2015 11:12 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
For me it would simply be to have the amount of children I planned for. I adored motherhood before my surprise baby, and now I am lucky enough to love another one, but the extra child 'broke the camel's back' so
to speak in the day to day stuff. As an individual, that child makes my heart melt.
We have made life easier by outsourcing things....housework, gardening etc. and we made sacrifices in terms of where we live so
we're not stuck out in the burbs. We have a small, old house but I wouldn't trade it for a big house in the burbs any day.
16-07-2015 11:13 #10
I love being a mum, for me it's been an absolute joy. I only have one DS at the moment and he brings me so much happiness and love. No doubt there are hard days (and nights - he doesn't sleep) - of course there are - but the bad times are easily easily outweighed by the good (even when I am tired and whinging). I love his laugh and smiles and the hardest thing I've done is put him into childcare 2 days a week so I can go back to studying. I miss him so much it hurts.
We were both ready to have a baby and due to some of my health issues we started trying sooner than we had previously planned. I don't regret that one bit and I honestly cannot wait to have another one (timing isn't quite right just yet though!).
I don't think I would have changed anything even if I could. We have been together since we were teenagers, traveled, partied, ate out, bought a house, studied and basically did what we wanted for 12 years. We are kind of over all that now (besides the travelling but we plan on taking our kids with us) - so a baby has easily slotted into our lives and I don't feel like I am missing anything.
I don't have an established career yet but that's on its way and I'm hopefully finishing up studying in the next 12 months. This doesn't bother me though, in a way its probably good as I can finish up studying, have number 2, stay home for a while with them and then look for work (that's the plan anyway!).
Last edited by Pearlygirl; 16-07-2015 at 11:17.
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