I was watching one born every minute today and noticed that lots of women had their mum in the delivery suite with them for support. Now I adore my mum, she is an incredible woman and I have been so blessed to have her as a mum, she's been there for me through everything, but it occurred to me that I would never have her present for the birth of my kids. She's become such a worrier.. To the point where if the phone rings after 9pm she assumes something terrible had happened, any time I tell her that my dd has a cough/cold/virus she worries endlessly etc. So to make things easier I just don't tell her when little things are up. I didn't tell her when I was in labour with dd because I knew she would sit at home and stress like crazy until she heard we were ok. I don't mind really because I have lots of other support, but I'm a bit sad for her that I just couldn't have her at the birth of my kids.. I'd probably spend more time trying to reassure her that I wasn't really in that much pain and everything would be ok haha!
I'm just curious as to the relationships others have with their mums/dads.. Do you support them? And if so, when did it change?
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16-07-2015 00:47 #1
Does your mum support you or do you support your mum?
16-07-2015 02:06 #2
I don't have a close relationship with my mother. There is no way I would invite my mother into the birth suite. We just don't have that connection or closeness I guess.
16-07-2015 04:49 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
Not close to mine at all. Would never have her at the birth. I had a planned c-section and didn't tell her it was happening - none of her business. She lives overseas and wanted to come and visit a few weeks after DS was born. I didn't want her there so told her I just wanted to get on with things and work them out my own way. So she saw DS for the first time when we took him to visit at 3 months old.
I don't share anything with her at all. Would never dream of telling her when we are TTC. She didn't know I was pregnant until after my 12 week scan.
16-07-2015 04:59 #4
So close to my mum. She is there for me and my family 100%. Don't know what I'd do without her 😔
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16-07-2015 04:59 #5
The funny thing my mum was with me even though we weren't close at all. I knew DH would be useless as a support person as he's no good with blood or when I'm pain just looking very clueless lol
I'd never even considered in a million years that mum would be there, especially as we shared nothing, we weren't close at all. Mum basically invited herself, she said trust me you'll need me there I was a bit worried but in the end she was fantastic whilst DH sat in a corner looking bewildered. It helped bring us closer together. It think it helps that she had been there before and had a lot more empathy and tolerance for my dreadful behaviour.
This time I'm thinking of asking DH to stay home to mind dd and taking mum again. I know DH isn't keen to go through that again -oh the poor thing! Never mind me lol
16-07-2015 06:06 #6
Does your mum support you or do you support your mum?
I love my mum and we are close. But she wouldn't be my 1,2 or 3rd choice in labour as she has this annoying habit of differing to doctors even when I specifically ask her to do something.
But once baby is out she is bloody fabulous.
In life tho I am the adult in the relationship and mum is like my younger sister that constantly gets into scrapes. Great babysitter, always dependable but I rarely ask her for advice or help.
Last edited by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah; 16-07-2015 at 06:10.
16-07-2015 06:12 #7
My mum is wonderful with things like coming to help out with cleaning / looking after DS when I'm sick, etc. But with emotional support she's not good - she's a chronic worrier like your mum OP. So I don't tell her much. Her 'support', which consists of rattling off every worst case scenario she can think of and going into a panic, just stresses me out. Still, love her and couldn't get by sometimes without her help. She's a fantastic grandma & DS adores her. But I'd never have her as a birth support!
16-07-2015 07:07 #8
Yep - I had a cesarean and only DH was allowed in but mum was the last person I saw going into the operating room and the first person I saw in recovery, she's one of those mums who literally will do anything for you with no complaints and does it because she wants to, she just knows when you need her
16-07-2015 07:54 #9
My mum died when I was 8 so I wouldn't know.
16-07-2015 08:43 #10
It's mutual with us.
She came into the theatre with my for my ECS because df doesn't do blood or hospitals. She cut my boys cords and saw them first. She also practically lived with me and put her life on hold for their first six months.
And then I asked her to come in with me when I was labouring with dd. df was also there but he couldn't do much because his phobia of hospitals. God knows he tried to stay as long as could. Once it was announced I was going to theatre and it became too much for him, I was so thankful mum was there because there was no question about it she would accompany me or not. She was also the first to see dd and cut her cord.
But I try and do stuff for my mum too. Little things like make her some soup when I know she is busy as work etc.
we will be neighbours soon so I will be able to help both of them out even more, and I know she will reciprocate and watch the kids for us if df and I need a night out or whatever.
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