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  1. #61
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    Just want to pop in and offer some hugs

    I don't have much to add because I feel like you've already been given so much amazing advice from previous posters.

    I can't believe the way this guy has been behaving. What he has done is appalling, but the way he's handling everything is much worse. Do what is best for you and the baby - he needs to understand that he has turned your world upside down in a devastating and gutless fashion, therefore he does not get to call the shots.

    I hope there are people in his life (his family/friends) who are openly judging him on his poor form.

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  3. #62
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    Take it one day at a time, love. If you don't want him at the birth, then that's totally okay. He doesn't need to be there. Your child deserves a relationship with their dad, but being there for the birth?? Pffttt...he lost that privilege when he cheated on you. This is YOUR experience and you should do whatever feels right for you. Don't fall for the romantic notion that if he's there a light bulb will switch on in his head and he'll realize how ****ty he's been. If that happens, it'll happen regardless of whether he's at the birth or not. You can't control that.

    And while you have absolutely every right to be angry at both of them, remember he's the one most of that anger should go toward. He made vows to you and promised to love and cherish you and he crapped all over that. He didn't HAVE to cheat. He chose to. In this case, cheating wasn't a spur of the moment thing. His actions led to it, whatever he did before it started it all. He's a turd and do not fall for ANY of his nonsense. Kind or otherwise. Don't give him anything until you talk to someone and know your rights!!

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  5. #63
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    Can u not get time away off base or get relocated to another base? Even just as a secondment for a few months or as maternity leave?

    Living in close proximity right now doesn't seem like such a good idea, surely someone in the defence force could help you out??

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  7. #64
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    I've been reading along with my jaw dropping open more and more with each update on his revolting behaviour. You've already received so much good advice from amazing women who have been where you are and who have come through the other side so I just want to offer my support and hugs.
    I do know that you will get through this and you and your baby will thrive - as the quote goes, "“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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  9. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    I'm sure the DCO social workers or even VVCS will be able to support you through this. Please contact them.
    Please do this OP.

    They will be able to actively support you with options.

    http://www.defence.gov.au/dco/partners/c2_8.html

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  11. #66
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    Can't really add anything that others haven't said already.

    Wanted to send hugs and support and assure you that there is yet another person out there who simply cannot believe what an ahole he is being.

    Perhaps you could look at the birth as a transition - from your current life with toxic ex to your new life as a mother to a wonderful new bub. It marks a massive change in anyones life. Perhaps in yours it will be even more positive than usual xoxoxo

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  13. #67
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    I really don't have any advice that hasn't been posted already, but really wanted to send you huge hugs and support. Look after yourself above all else. What he wants shouldn't even factor into your decision making right now. Big big hugs hun xo

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  15. #68
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    How are you feeling tonight?
    I been thinking of you today.

  16. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Thank you everybody, my head is such a mess at the moment its so nice to read all of the advice and support.

    He is currently blasting me about taking him off the hospital paperwork. He needs to wake up to himself, after the way he has treated me what did he expect? Of course i wouldnt be just sitting in the corner nodding and copping it all!
    Just don't tell him anything and then you won't get blasted... Keep info to yourself and only involve him if you need too.

  17. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    How are you feeling tonight?
    I been thinking of you today.
    Thats lovely, thank you!

    I have been ok, we had a bit of a flap this morning, which turned into going out for breakfast to talk. It was good to nut a lot of things out. At the moment i have told him that he is not moving in, he can pack a bag and come if and when i need him. He says he wants to prove that he will be a good support and father and then maybe i will feel like i will want him there longer. I dont know. I still have the notion in my head we might end up back together, but im worried that it wont be like that and i will get hurt again!


 

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