I have PMed you. Hugs. Xx
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15-07-2015 19:58 #31
15-07-2015 20:06 #32
15-07-2015 20:14 #33
Agree with the others- try and move before bub is born so he can't force you to stay. Bugger the money you have already spent- it won't matter in the long run. You and Bub need support now and you aren't going to get it from the scumbag. Good luck x
15-07-2015 20:17 #34Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
My life is over.
He gave up the right to be at the birth when he cheated on you.
He won't be a support for you, that's not what you want at the birth of your first child. You need someone who cares about you.
Thru all the heartbreak, please remember that. I think u said u are on base and have no family around. Are U able to fly someone to you for the birth? A mum, friend, sibling perhaps??
Forget about living together, he can't have it both ways.
I'm not trying to be blunt, but I'm hoping that when you re-read this when you're less emotional, it will make more sense.
Hugs hugs hugs
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15-07-2015 20:23 #35Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
My life is over.
After reading all the other responses, please listen to the wise women here.
Go home while you can.
Money that you lose on changing hospitals means nothing. Go somewhere that you feel safe. You can always come back if you want.
Perhaps your OB would even waive the pregnancy management fee if u let them know your situation .. I moved states whilst pregnant and OB no1 didn't charge me the management fee.
15-07-2015 20:39 #36
A newborn is hard work even if its for a few months or even for your maternity leave that you stay with your family to sort your mind out (and legal things).
I would call your OB and ask him to recommend a doctor/ob where your family is he might refund the money given the circumances. Mine did under much LIGHTER ones.
Get legal advice now, and also its ok to be angry he broke your trust. Your family.
But what matters most is you have a beautiful baby and your a much better person than him.
Please share this moment with your mum or sis etc hes not deserving. Yes he is deserving of time with the child. But i do not believe you need to be put through confusion of him wanting to be in the house, the birth but with the woman. I fear it could lead to you having severe PND. Hugs hun
15-07-2015 20:56 #37
So he wants to have access to his baby whenever it suits him, without any of the work, while diddling the floozy, and you will sit at home doing the cooking and cleaning while he does whatever he wants... Yeah that seems like a fair deal.
I'm a solo mum. I know it's not how you pictured your life turning out, but being on your own with the baby is absolutely magical. It's just the love between the two of you. You don't have to maintain any other relationships. Please don't think you need him around to help with the baby, because you don't. My parents helped a bit as I had a CS, but I have had two bubbas now and I promise you that it will be fine on your own. You don't need someone around treating you horribly.
Maybe friendship between you can come much much later down the track when he's grown up. At the moment there is no way a friendship could work. He doesn't even realise he's being a complete jerk (trying to find a word that won't get blocked ).
Be strong. You are an amazing woman. All your child needs is you, and for you to be happy. You call the shots.
15-07-2015 21:05 #38
Also make sure you protect yourself financially. Move any shared money you have and cancel any shared credit cards. You don't want to be stuck with a bill for the floozys gifts!
15-07-2015 21:11 #39
15-07-2015 21:18 #40
He has been nothing but manipulative and all lies! He sent me messages tonight saying, and i quote, 'no matter what im entitled to half of everything we earnt while we were together, that includes the furniture and baby things. I dont want to take those things from you, i just want xxx amount from our savings.' (i have control of the savings). I said no way am i agreeing to his terms whilst he is threatening me with taking the babys things. How disgusting! I feel like he was manipulating me to try and get me to give him the money earlier on now i look back on things.
Yes we are both defence, which makes it very tricky. I cant just up and move home as i need to be near where i work which means im stuck here. I hate that my family isnt just around the corner. Also someone mentioned to me that once the baby comes its 70/30 not 50/50 so that may be why he is putting the pressure on. My rent wont be affected by him moving out and he is already living elsewhere so i dont think he is bothered with the financial implications when it comes to moving back in. He just wanted to be under the same roof as his son apparently. How can he expect me to live with him and play housewife but be single?
He came home a totally different person. I could never have imagined he would do these things to me. So many lies and so much nastiness has gone on. Im an idiot for thinking we could fix things and dragging it out for so long!
I have a feeling i might have upset him today by messaging her which is why he has taken a nasty turn. I will admit i had a very emotional night/day and he was probably feeling sick of me by tonight. For now i have deleted his close friends from FB (which im sad about but i need to protect myself if he is being so nasty) so he doesnt have access to my information or photos of bub etc if i should choose not to involve him.
I have people that will be able to stay once bub is born maybe for a week or two but everyone else is interstate and they will all need to get back to work. He has put me in the middle of the biggest **** sandwich.
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