My children are all well past the baby stage and I absolutely 'have my life back.' But raising children is a huge commitment, and I am raising one more than I would in my ideal world. That hasn't changed, yes it's gotten easier (in some aspects, in others it's harder) but at the end of the day I'm still raising the same number of children I was when they
were babies. And before our surprise addition I adored being a mother...would never have made it in to this thread if I didn't get a surprise. The family dynamic changed, and several years later I still have regular thoughts of how nice it would be if we only had the kids we intended to have (which again, doesn't mean I love my child any less...but l miss the parent I was and the life we used to have).
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15-07-2015 06:05 #41Senior Member
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15-07-2015 06:09 #42Senior Member
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I've only read the OP but thank you OP for putting it out there.
I too wouldn't say I regret having my DD but there are a number of things I do regret.
Not choosing a better father for her, not obtaining a 'career' before having her, not traveling overseas before having her.
She's 5 now and is not 'hard work' anymore but she does have ASD which I worry will limit my capacity to EVER hold down a full-time job. So yes, thete are a number of regrets.
15-07-2015 06:54 #43
First of all, I would like to give some to everyone in this thread and thank you all for your honesty.
I will start by saying that I love my ds with every part of me but I have days, many days sometimes where I wish I could go back to before he was born and things were easier. I thought I was prepared for this parenting gig, we went through two years of fertility treatment to conceive him so he was very much planned and wanted, but it seems I definitely had rose coloured glasses.
I'm constantly exhausted with a baby who has always been a crappy sleeper, I struggled with pnd, having minimal patience due to my exhaustion and a massive shift in my marriage. I think my marriage is what is affecting me most. I dislike that I am no longer considered as a wife but am now only seen as a mother and I feel trapped due to lack of family support and parenting decisions that we disagree. I don't see it changing anytime soon, I am desperate to find me again, I want to work, I want to have more, I want to be more but until we agree I can't.
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15-07-2015 07:14 #44
15-07-2015 07:52 #45
I love DD more than anything else & I don't regret her & can't imagine or want life without her...
But the timing (DD was unplanned) wasn't great & I regret the lack of preparation & readiness.
I am not the parent I imagined I would be when I was growing up & that upsets me. I don't love being a parent all the time, it is hard & the guilt is crippling some days.
Baby #2 is on the way & I'm scared about having two kids, even with a 4yr gap. We had always agreed on having 3 but I feel 2 will be my limit.
I've been struggling with my identity since becoming a parent & I don't know when I'll be comfortable in my own skin again.
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15-07-2015 08:04 #46
Spin Off..... If I had my time over I wouldn't have had children
But they've both had silent reflux, DD has multiple allergies and CMPI, DS has CMPI and feeding issues and woke 6 times last night and is 9 months old. I have what I consider difficult babies which I think impacts on my enjoyment of them and being a mum. Might things have been different if I had at least one 'normal' child (allergy, intolerance and reflux free)???? Who knows. But it is what it is and right now 'it' sucks.
Last edited by A-Squared; 15-07-2015 at 08:06.
15-07-2015 08:25 #47
Some comments are so raw and fresh thanks for honesty girls.
What helps me most and be a great mum is dropping my kids off to childcare three days a week. And that's why I know I can't have more because I'm not even working!
This is going to offend people probably me typing this but it's been my problem dealing with DS. I bring home a beautiful baby boy. Then he's sick. I think he will die. He has brain damage. Can't they just turn the machines off? No they can't. I ponder and wonder is that normal? Will he be a serial killer (yes I'm insane but I google everything and damage to areas of brain!) Now I struggle with all connection with him I'm not sure why. He's not the perfect number two baby. My issues have caused our family pain.
This has nothing to do if we have kids at 16 or 50. So that comment is STUPID! Age has nothing to do with it.
15-07-2015 08:36 #48
Spin Off..... If I had my time over I wouldn't have had children
I regret my first daughter, not so much having her but when I had her, I had her at 20, she wasn't planned, i feel had I had her later I would be a better mother with better life aspects because while it's possible to study and furthers yourself with children it's a hell of a lot harder and I was single not long after she was born as well so my choices were study for a better future or work to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I have a son now that was planned and I feel like a much better mother to him than I was to my daughter when she was younger, not a nasty mum but just not mentally prepared for that because I didn't intentionally take it on. My life is what it is now and it's ok but I will do everything in my power to encourage my daughter to strive for her dreams before she becomes a mother because it's a lot harder to after.
Edit to add after thinking about it, when my ds was first born i really regretting it too, he was cmpi had severe reflux and cried all the time I had serious mental health issues myself at the time and I often questioned why the hell did I do this to our family.
Last edited by PipersMummy; 15-07-2015 at 16:07.
15-07-2015 08:55 #49
On a slightly different note: thankyou all for reinforcing for me why we're stopping at 2. I imagine that when DS is older and I feel more on top of things, I might well start wishing for another... but I can't put DP through that.
2 is his limit, for a multitude of reasons. If I pushed, he would eventually give in, but he'd regret it. He'd no doubt love and cherish a third child, but being a parent was never his dream. It was mine, and something that he was willing to do for me. DP's ambitions are already difficult enough to pursue with 2 kids, and he wouldresent 'losing' more time that could be devoted to those.
I couldn't knowingly do that to someone I love so much, no matter how much I may want another child. Thankyou for that reminder.
15-07-2015 08:56 #50
I don't regret my kids in the slightest so I can't claim to understand but I kind of admire the honesty in here. I think it's very taboo to admit you love your kids but had you had your time again, you wouldn't have had them. Mothers are 'meant' to be forever nurturing, know instantly what to do in every situation and do it with a smile on their face every moment. That's a sh*tload of pressure. Even in my situation where I have zero regrets in my life and would have loved a 4th child, some days my hair is falling out from stress lol Being a parent is bloody hard work.
Hugs to those feeling this way. It doesn't mean you don't love your kids or you are a bad mum.
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