All I ever wanted to be was a mum, so I just know it was the path I would have chosen no matter what. I could never imagine another path for myself in life, however I absolutely understand why people are childless by choice too. I definitely understand why people don't choose this life for themselves.
I also have more children than I would in my 'ideal' world. I love my children equally, but that 'bonus addition' did not just slip in to our life and make our world complete. Our life is harder, busier and more stressful than it would have been. I'd never change it now it's happened, but if I could erase the love from my heart and the memories from my brain that I have for that child (so I wouldn't know what I was missing) and go back in time, then I'd make sure there wasn't a chance for that pregnancy to happen. If I fell pregnant again, knowing what it's like to raise a surprise baby, I would not go through with the pregnancy.
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14-07-2015 20:02 #11Senior Member
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- May 2014
Last edited by Full House; 14-07-2015 at 20:04.
14-07-2015 20:05 #12
I didn't want kids. Dd was a accident and today she is a beautiful girl. But I haven't finished my degree, I haven't progressed anywhere within work/a career. My kids are ten months apart. I'm tired. I hate my body. I hate my relation ship with myself, my husband and my family.
We bought a house, a car all the responsible things you do to provide for kids. Then DH lost his stable job of long term. It's been a hard ride. I feel like I haven't been able to enjoy it at all. Especially when DS was sick. I still don't feel at ease. Will he have problems when he is older? Will he be 'normal'.
When does it get easy or enjoyable? So yes if I rewound the clock I would of done it very different. I wish I chose a different path. So I could be a happier and nicer person.
14-07-2015 20:14 #13
14-07-2015 20:15 #14
This thread has me in tears.
I can't put how I feel into words because to be honest how I feel really depends on the day. But I thank you all for your honesty and sharing how you feel.
14-07-2015 20:22 #15
14-07-2015 20:39 #16
I had my two children in my mid and late thirties and in no way do I regret having them. I established a career before children and have been able to maintain through with maternity breaks and part-time work.
Yes it was a huge huge life change but I had the chance to have my life first, I spent a year backpacking through Europe and I finished my degree and established a career before I had children.
I have a few friends who are in their forties and fifties with no children through circumstance who deeply regret not having children.
I sometimes think life just happens so I think you really need to decide on your priorities. Biologically child bearing is limited but life is long and anything is possible if you are driven. My mother was a teen mother and was a wonderful SAHM for most of my childhood but went on to finish school and university when we were older and has done great things since. She was a paramedic for many years and is now a psychologist. My parents are also extremely well travelled and it is an enduring passion for them. Last year they had two OS trips, one to UK Italy and the second to The US and South America ( including Maccu Picchu).
My mum is planning on ascending Mount Kilamanjaro next year for her sixtieth birthday.
Last edited by DailyDiversion; 14-07-2015 at 20:54.
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14-07-2015 20:47 #17
I don't feel this way myself, but I have so much empathy for those who do.
I adore my kids, and this is definitely the life I wanted, but my god parenting is HARD! I have two healthy, neuro-typical kids (as far as I know...DS is only 5 weeks), and have a wonderful relationship with my partner. I have loving family, stable housing and am never worried about finances. Yet there are days I just want to run away. I
cannot imagine how hard it would be if my kids negatively impacted on my relationship, my self-esteem, my career ambitions or anything else that was important to me. I think if I were in a different situation, or if my kids caused me more ongoing stress or difficulty than they do, then I'd likely be in the camp of regretting having children too.
Parenting is hard for most, but it's a LOT harder for some than others.
14-07-2015 20:51 #18
I would not erase my kids but i wish i could erase DD1 having been to XH and wish she was DH's if that makes sense.
Shared parenting is super hard work
14-07-2015 20:51 #19
But... I think the whole point of this honest, raw, vulnerable thread, is that all the priorities in the world don't necessarily prepare you for what life will be like or the impact children will have. It's all fine in theory but this issue isn't easily simplified into a discussion about prioritising, drive and ambition.
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14-07-2015 21:02 #20
I was so naive when I had my first child. I had no idea what I was signing up for. If I had known I don't think I would have done it. Actually, I definitely wouldn't have done it. I had no concept of true exhaustion 'til I'd had kids.
I also know that if I hadn't tried for children I would have forever wondered how things would have been if I did, and I would have felt like some people were missing who should be here.
So I think for me there'd be a tinge of regret no matter which decision I made as I can't take both paths at the same time.
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