Bare with me here because I'm not sure how this is going to come out as there's lots rushing through my head. Dh, Dd, and I have had a few big weeks. Dd turned 1 which meant we were invaded by family visitors, she started childcare one day a week, we've all been sick, and I started back at work 2 days a week. I think all of these things have contributed to dd developing some serious clingyness with me. It's overwhelming. I can't go to the toilet or have a shower without her standing outside the door crying, even though dh is with her. She cries if I so much as leave the room to get a glass of water. I feel terrible for her but I also feel irritated (that probably sounds horrible). I want to be alone. Just for a moment. She won't even sleep if we aren't touching.
I think this feeling of needing personal space is also driving a strong desire in me to wean her from bfing. I had thought I'd wait for her to want to wean, whenever that was, but she's actually increasing the amount she wants to feed day and night. I want my body back and given how much is changing in her world at the moment that seems cruel and selfish.
I think I'm looking for some reassurance. Is this a normal stage for her? Will it pass? Has anyone else reacted this way to the clinging? I feel really guilty.
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12-07-2015 19:34 #1
I am overwhelmed
12-07-2015 19:48 #2
I am overwhelmed
I'm not sure if this is normal or not but I couldn't read and run.
Our DS is only 10 months and has been at daycare since he was 4 months. He hasn't shown much clingyness yet
You've had so much going on! That's a huge amount for anyone to deal with.
I take my hat off to you and I say do whatever you need to do to get by and make your household work the way it needs to.
Massive hugs xx
12-07-2015 20:05 #3
I think she's anxious Luv hence the behaviour. Too many big changes (plus the added illness) in a very short space of time.
She seems like she's needing reassurance @ stability hence the extra BF'g @ not letting you out of her sight!! Seperation anxiety is normal for bubs to go through.
I can understand how all the clinginess etc gets too much sometimes..I feel the same at times when my DD (although a little younger than yours) behaves that way but what do you do??
You have to provide that reassurance I feel @ hope that in time as she gets used to going to CC @ the changes in her homelife with you going back to work etc that she will adjust @ feel more confident @ safe meaning she'll be ok with not being glued to your side!!
12-07-2015 20:09 #4
I would increase her days at childcare IMO. One day a week isn't enough I would do two. Even two half days. What about offering BM?
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12-07-2015 20:18 #5
I think it's a natural stage maybe exacerbated by her tiredness and a lot of change as you suggest. It will pass. It will come back at times in the future, but it will pass. It's very normal. I totally understand the resentment you're feeling, and it doesn't make you horrible. Or else I'm horrible too. Take your pic :-)
At the moment you are her rock. She needs you to feel secure, and it's a beautiful thing that you can do that for her. It's so hard when they don't sleep as well, and I think it makes the day time clinginess that much harder to bear. Just remember it's ok if you need to do some things for yourself. She might cry for a little bit, but your needs are important too. Sometimes just a minute or two in the fresh air can make it easier to knuckle down and cope for a little longer.
AFM, DS went to sleep tonight without needing to hold my hand for the first time in forever and I'm feeling a little mopey about it :-)
I hope things pick up for you soon x
12-07-2015 20:20 #6-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I agree with Monnie. For a one year old one day of daycare in isolation would be unsettling - bub doesn't have the chance to settle in. Every daycare day is like Groundhog Day in terms of starting over and being nervous. If you can afford it try for 2 consecutive days.
As for the breastfeeding and needing your space I totally get that. There were times when I felt constrained and a tad resentful when feeding DS2. Now he has self weaned I was like "nooooo! Don't stop". Now I am ok and enjoying the little bit if extra freedom. Once bub is more settled in daycare you can always wean back a little (limit to 2 feeds per day) or wean altogether.
12-07-2015 21:50 #7Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
When my dd was 12 months I had the same thing happen, in terms of the clingy behavior and an intense desire to wean. I was feeling over breastfeeding and that it was time for me to regain my personal space. We started by reducing day feeds and within a few weeks she was just fed before bed, which we stopped at 16 months. Also, as she was clingy DH took her for one morning a week (8-2pm) so that I couldn't get some time to myself. The clingy behaviors passed in a month or so. I agree that one day a week daycare may be a bit small, would 2 be possible?
12-07-2015 22:13 #8
I think clingyness at this age is normal especially with all those changes going on. With the crying when all you are doing is going to the loo, are you explaining to bub what you are doing? It will really help if you get into a habit of telling bub what is happening and what to expect..... "Mummy is just going to the toilet, you stay here and keep playing and I will be back in 1 minute".
Good luck. X
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13-07-2015 09:56 #9
Thanks for your replies and reassurance everybody. I definitely think anxiety related to all the changes is part of what's at play here. @monnie24 I agree one day a week childcare is unsettling for her and I've always wanted two days but hadn't been able to get it because the room was full. Luckily this morning the centre agreed to move her up a room so she can have two days (still not consecutive unfortunately). It does mean another change for her though. 😞
I'll keep reassuring her and I guess just try to ride this phase out.
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