I never wanted kids, but H talked me around.
We discussed how many we would have, he was all for high numbers but we settled on 4 max.
We are expecting our first, and H has now said we should stop at 2, because "we already have two".
That was my argument for not having a big family- we have DSS and DSD already. Now, after convincing me 4 would be lovely, he wants 2.
I don't believe I will feel 'done' after 2, unless possibly they are difficult births/babies.
My mum felt done after 1, 2, 3, and 4... she had 5. None planned.
5 is her absolute limit though, she has had a hard time. Youngest is nearly 8 and mum "has her life back" so to speak.
It depends on the kids and your family I guess. If you don't feel done, you're not. But if your DH feels done... well a long chat is needed.
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Results 11 to 20 of 59
12-07-2015 10:13 #11
12-07-2015 10:13 #12
I've just had my second 5 months ago and know that I'm done, yes my ovaries do twinge at the thought of having a third but I know we won't and I'm ok with that. Our little family of 4 is working great. I can go back to work part time, finish my studies, we don't need a bigger car or house and are planning 2 holidays. Two works great for us and I'm content :-)
12-07-2015 10:43 #13
I don't know anyone who had a 3rd and regrets it. I don't think you ever regret the children you have. I thought I would be done after 2, my youngest is 13 months and I am 9 weeks with my 3rd. I never pictured myself having 3, but here I am! I'm not worried - I cope fine with my 2 gorgeous boys and I've never even had one day where it's all got "too hard". My mental health is not something that has ever come under question either. Bring it on
12-07-2015 23:21 #14
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12-07-2015 23:28 #15
I have 2 of my own my youngest is 21 months, I also have a dss that we have every weekend and I don't have the room for anymore kids but there is part of me that yearns for one even though I am definitely mentally done and full up. So for me no I don't have the done feeling even though I know we are.
13-07-2015 10:22 #16
Now, I know what you meant- it's better to have and know, than to not and wonder. But still... just letting you know that people do regret the kids they have sometimes.
13-07-2015 10:33 #17Senior Member
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13-07-2015 10:34 #18
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13-07-2015 10:36 #19
Just on the other side of things, I have 4 daughters. I look at families of 2 and think 'oh that looks nice and easy, holidays would be cheaper and easier to cart 2 around' I then look at my tribe and wouldn't change it for anything. I love loud, busy, crazy, and constantly filled with love!
I was speaking with DH Aunty the other night who said she's so lonely now that her 2 are grown up, moved away and don't have any grandchildren. I don't want to ever have that feeling, am hoping I never will especially with having 4 (hopefully 5 in the near future).
I do think that you know when you are done! Ive never felt that I am done so speak to lots of smaller families who say 'they just knew that was enough for them.' Perhaps give it some more time and you'll know if you truly want another or not.
13-07-2015 10:39 #20
Now that the youngest is at school, she feels much better about it, and she coped really well. But she wasn't going to lie and pretend everything was rosy either. She would have preferred not to have more after the third. She doesn't hate them or treat them differently, but she regrets it nonetheless.
She regrets having them, yes, that's not the same as wishing they had never been.
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