To me, a bad MIL is one that hasn't learned her place and hasn't cut the cord.
A mix of babying your adult son while still considering yourself as the woman of his life.
I'm lucky I've never had such a MIL 😀
OP I wouldn't worry, I think you are well ahead of becoming a great MIL.
+ Reply to Thread
Results 21 to 30 of 54
09-07-2015 20:43 #21
09-07-2015 20:44 #22
A good MIL for me is one who:
-Understands that her child has grown up & has started thier own family which is #1, not her.
-Doesn't try to run the lives/homes of her adult children & thier partners.
-Accepts her DIL/SIL for who they are, even if they are not what she imagined they would be.
-Understands that grandchildren are not "hers" & that she does not make the decisions about them.
-Doesn't try to mother her DIL - keep it on a friend level & back off unless it is welcomed.
As a pp said, having a life & interests of their own is important - so that they are not trying to live through their children.
My MIL isn't a bad person, we're just polar opposites personality wise & it grates after a bit. I sort of feel that she is a bit lost now all her sons are out of home & have partners that are very independant. It can't be easy trying to find a new place for yourself.
I wonder how I will be perceived as a MIL one day...hoping I can walk the talk above & have a good relationship with my children's partners.
Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
10-07-2015 04:33 #23Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
I think communication is the key.
For eg. If I say, please don't feed my kids chocolate for breakfast before school, that generally means do not feed my kids chocolate for breakfast before school!
I have a gazillion other examples of this.
I also think it's important to not make yourself too comfortable in their house/lives, and again, communicate. For eg. "hey DIL, would you like me to rearrange your kitchen cupboards while you're at work today?", "no thanks MIL, I like them they way they are". And here's the kicker... say "ok DIL", and then don't rearrange the freaking cupboards!!
10-07-2015 06:43 #24
She is unreal!
I wonder if sometimes these MILs do this as a way to try convince everyone they're great grandparents? How was she as a mother?
A friend of mine, her MIL would do that in group situations, take over. Yet she would barely visit her grandchildren, and when she did it was for ten minutes , just enough time to throw them a toy and run. No quality time.
She was equally neglectful of her own children. Hubby came number one to her all her married life. He wasn't the kind of man that deserved such devotion either, that's all I'll say about him.
10-07-2015 06:45 #25
The Following User Says Thank You to Phony For This Useful Post:
Best Things (10-07-2015)
10-07-2015 06:52 #26
Thank you @ExcuseMyFrench (can't quote you?)
Though I reckon it's a personality thing with me, I'm looking forward to them growing up.
I don't do needy very well so I struggle with the early stages and find I'm much better with older kids. Now, if only I could find somewhere to send them until they're 25? hehehe
Speaking of cutting the cord.
And someone mentioned before that the younger ones are more likely to suffer the interference of MOTHER in their relationships.
My own granny had 7 children.
She was great, but I will admit, her youngest was still at home well in to his 30s and yeah, she might have had a little too much to say about his wife (she is a piece of work though ) but where she would have stayed out of it with her older children, she just couldn't with her 'baby'.
All the more reason to kick mine out once they hit 20
10-07-2015 06:57 #27
When I was younger and encountered difficult women, boyfriends mothers, or in the work place, or friends mothers even.
I just chalked them up as MAD at the time and steered clear.
Now with a wiser head I can loo back and see, oh...well maybe a bit of depression there, maybe anxiety there and yep, definitely menopausal there in that one.
Hind sight and all that.
10-07-2015 07:10 #28
The woman can't keep her mouth shut.
But not only is her opinion on everything, unwanted, it is also complete crap! And this is coming from a woman who is a foster parent.
She has had numerous children through her home over the yrs.
That in itself is another story though. I really don't know how she ever qualified for that role.
When my sister was a new parent, she arrived up when the baby was only 11 days old and took him out - FOR THE WHOLE DAY!
Sister didn't know what to do, her partner had agreed to it so in marches MIL, talks over any protests and tells her to get some sleep and takes off with the baby.
My sis suffers from anxiety anyway and an hour later this triggered a panic attack. He was texting and calling for her to bring the baby back that she OK.
No, she wouldn't.
Next thing there's pictures all over FB of her in various houses showing the baby off!
That was the beginning of a really bad relationship. MIL seemed fine until baby came along, then it was like she was doing every thing she could to get custody of her grandchild. She ran her mouth off to anyone and everyone saying my sister was an unfit mother, had PND and suicidal, and was incapable of looking after herself never mind a child.
My sis suffered a bout of depression afterwards and dealt with it. Got herself on her feet with a fantastic job and has grown stronger to deal with this oul b!tch. She is nothing but a wonderful other to her little boy.
10-07-2015 07:11 #29
10-07-2015 07:34 #30
We no longer speak to FIL as he chucked a tanty a year ago because we weren't visiting them every single weekend. He has also disowned hubby's brother cos he hates his wife. now we only have to tolerate MIL once a month or so. I tend to make myself busy elsewhere in the house when she visits as she is so loud and childish she infuriates me.
She is good with ds but very full on, she doesn't shut up and let him do his own thing, he can barely get a word in she is just ALWAYS talking (quite loudly, that woman has no concept of an inside voice) and singing. If he walks away to do his own thing she's constantly calling his name trying to get his attention when he clearly wants to get away. She's like a hyperactive kid. Argh!! In a perfect world we wouldn't have to see either of them. My son is always disrupted and naughty after she's visited it's just a complete chore.
Life FertilityLife Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
April/May TTC group chatConception & Fertility General Chat
Rude 10 year old. Ideas?General Chat
Cashless society - all for it, or disagree?General Chat
Testing positive but faintConception & Fertility General Chat
Tell me about Ringwood/Donvale etcGeneral Chat
Netflix - what should I watch?Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat