Personally, I would let my MIL stay in that situation - she is family after all and is in need of assistance. I would be doing everything in my power to either allow her to move in (e.g. by setting strict limits on how long she can stay, ground rules in the house, etc) or say no and see if you can be of assistance in other ways (e.g. financially, or helping her look for work/somewhere to stay). In your situation it sounds like you would really rather her not stay with you and given it could potentially impact your relationship with her and your mental health/stress levels maybe the second option is better?
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08-07-2015 13:27 #11
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08-07-2015 13:34 #12
I would say yes. However I'd be making sure DH set some boundaries upfront. No cleaning/washing. It makes us uncomfortable. Don't give DD x y or z. And a time limit.
And don't talk negatively about FIL. We are not taking sides.
I don't have the closest relationship with my MIL. Not bad just not close however I would not hesitate to have her stay.
Does MIL have anywhere else to stay? Is FIL staying in their house?
I guess that's the kicker for me. If she doesn't have anywhere else to go, then it's unlikely I could say no.
08-07-2015 13:53 #13
I had my (now ex) MIL stay with us when she sold one place and was waiting a few weeks for her other place to be ready.
Personally I don't understand the 'immediate' family comments. If it is your DH's mum well then that is his immediate family. When my exH and I split she took him in no questions asked for over 2 years because we hadn't sold the house I was still living in.
If it was your mum without a job and in financial strain would you welcome her if she needed assistance?? I'd hope my boys would open their door to me if I ever needed it in the future.
08-07-2015 13:56 #14
I would let her stay without a doubt.
She is your husbands mother not some random!
08-07-2015 14:27 #15
I would absolutely let your MIL stay! She's family!
Set boundaries - 2 weeks MAX and she's either out or paying rent. 4 weeks and she's out. End of story.
08-07-2015 15:03 #16
Maybe you could look at it another way, her being there to help you with the cooking and cleaning might be a nice break for you being pregnant? She might be more relaxed and 'different' since being overseas?
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08-07-2015 15:09 #17
It depends on your relationship with her. My FIL lived with us for 5 years after he left my MIL for several reasons. My DP's little sisters also moved in for a while. Things were messy with his family, but for the most part, them living with us was okay a majority of the time. He did have extremely annoying habits (he's naturally a grubby person) and my patience did wear thin at times. The thing is, he wasn't a difficult person mostly. By the time we were fed up with him (and the drama he bought to the house towards the end) he left.
I know she's your MIL and family is so incredibly important, but remember...it's not worth it if it's detrimental to your mental health. If she has somewhere else to stay, then it might be best she goes there. You need to really think if the things about her that bother you are petty or serious. If they're petty, set guidelines. If she's an evil narcissist, like my MIL, best not to get involved.
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08-07-2015 15:32 #18
I would be inclined to take her in, but I would want to know more about her plans and situation. Knowing a timeframe for her stay would help.
I would also expect my DH to assist by setting clear boundaries.
Indefinite is a big ask. It's not easy to have someone stay in your house long term - it can really effect the family dynamic.
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08-07-2015 15:54 #19
If it was my MIL I wouldn't have to say no, DH would do it as he can only take her in small doses! If it was my own mother we'd say yes, but have a time limit set and help her get back out on her own ASAP, as we know that we can't live together happily for very long. We drive each other nuts in close proximity and both know it!
I wouldn't want to risk making a strained relationship so much worse by living together. If it was for a week, maybe, but indefinitely, no.
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08-07-2015 19:44 #20
Thanks ladies, much appreciated
MIL isn't bad, just very different to me & I get irritated quickly by her habits. I'm also pretty annoyed with her & FIL for the way they have both put so much on DH through this.
I know the idea of someone coming in & helping around the house would be a dream for many but it's a nightmare for me. And a 1000x worse now I'm getting the urge to nest - it's my space lol!!!
We've had a bit of a talk about it, & we'll let MIL stay for a short while, 2 weeks tops (DH doesn't think he can handle her staying longer). And she'll need to be up front about her plans & not interfere. Hoping that "just a few days" is exactly that & it doesn't get out of hand!
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