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  1. #1
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    Default MIL wants to stay...

    Needing advise...hard decision to make -so bit of back-story... DH's parents are splitting up, it is a bit messy (affairs, DV & emotional abuse accusations on both sides) & MIL went off to another country for 3months with a new bloke & is due back in a week or so. DH has been treated a bit like "piggy in the middle" by his parents (which he resents both of them for) & I'm trying to keep as far out of it as I can.
    MIL today sent DH a message asking if she can stay with us for a bit when she gets back. She has no job, although has mentioned looking for one in our city. BIL thinks she might have flights booked back overseas but no one knows what her plans are & she has lied about them before.
    I just spent 10 mins having a mini freak-out in the bathroom at work after DH told me about it. We're going to discuss it later at home but I'm worried sick "a few days" will turn into weeks (DH isn't happy either but feels guilty at the idea of not helping his mum).
    MIL also will just do stuff (our washing, cleaning etc) around the house without asking (which I have big personal space issues about) & has been warned about giving too much stuff to DD (3.5) before.
    I don't mind her but we have polar opposite personalities & any more than a few days... Toss into the mix I'm 5 months pregnant...

    How do you go about ILs wanting to stay open ended??

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  2. #2
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    I honestly would say no. I know I couldn't handle my MIL staying with us. If it were me I honestly would say no.

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  4. #3
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    Nooooo!!!!!

    As somebody who has a MIL like you described and as somebody who lived with my MIL for 9 long weeks all I can say is DON'T DO IT!

    Is it possible to say sorry I'd love to help, but with a little one and another on the way things are really stressful so it's better to find your own place? Also do not want to make things uncomfortable between the parents and don't want to be seen as picking sides?

    When MIL asked us to move in (long story) initially we said no, worded it nicely saying we have a good relationship, we don't want to risk it....

    Now we are barely on speaking terms thanks to living with her. It's very sad.

    I really feel for you and your DH being put in that position but if you can get out if it please do, there is nothing worse than being uncomfortable in your own home.

    Good luck!

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    Izzys Dragon  (08-07-2015)

  6. #4
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    I think it would be a good idea if you could say no. Really tough one though, I understand your husband not wanting to upset his mother, and you not wanting to upset your husband. I don't know if I'd be able to say no.. but I'd certainly want to. And my in laws are great! I just can't share my home with other people, I'd really really struggle. I hope you can work out a kind way to say it's not the best idea. Good luck.

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    Izzys Dragon  (08-07-2015)

  8. #5
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    If you really feel that you can't say no, can you it a time limit on it? Like 1 or 2 weeks and be really proactive in finding a place for her in that time?

    I would really want to say no too, I think it's quite difficult living with parents once you're an adult. Especially when you're pregnant, you need your own space. My mum stayed with us for 2 weeks at the end of my second pregnancy and in hindsight it was a terrible idea.

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  10. #6
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    My DH was put in the same position a few years ago when his parents separated.
    We decided it was best MIL found her own place, and said that havung her in our home was making DH feel like he was favouring one parent over the other. I know it can be hard saying no, but you already have insight into what it's like to have your MIL in your home. Not to mention you are preg and don't need the stress. Best of luck Xx

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  12. #7
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    Ive got a different view but I've got a great MIL so I'm biased and she could stay forever ! but having a son I would be devastated if I had no job and just split up with DH and DS wouldn't let me stay if I had no where else to go - maybe let her stay for a few weeks but just set up some boundaries and time limits?

    Again I don't have a bad MIL so don't know what's it like but she is family and I think that's important

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    I think you and your DH need to do what's right for your family and if you know it's not going to work then could you help her sort out some alternative accommodation?

    For me, I'd let family stay if they asked - I think it's the Italian in me - you never say no to family.

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    Izzys Dragon  (08-07-2015)

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    I would let her stay. But make clear expectations and a time frame. Ask her what her plans are and tell her to be honest with her intentions.

    I would love my MIL to move in and do my washing and cleaning.. Send her my way lol!

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  18. #10
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    Default MIL wants to stay...

    One thing that also stood out for me was the comment your MIL has previously lied about what her plans are... Can you honestly trust her if she says it's for a few days?

    My MIL is a nice enough person, but I cherish my personal space and we are completely different people and she's not somebody I could live with..... It was a bad plan and I knew it would be.

    I'd go with your gut. If you know it's not going to work out well then I'd do anything to avoid it. Your priorities lie with you and your immediate family first, don't be guilted into something you're not happy with simply because they are "family".
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 08-07-2015 at 14:20.

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