Sadly I lost my baby at 12 weeks in March. Had to have a D&C and unfortunately they left bits so I had to have another D&C 3 weeks later.
That day plays in my head over and over again. No physical pain, no bleeding just a blank screen with no baby. A feeling I can't describe came over me. I layed there crying I looked over at my husband in complete shock and lost for words. I remember thinking is this real, did I really just lose my baby. The baby I saw grow and the heartbeat getting stronger. The worst moment of my life.
I'm finding it very difficult having so many people around me pregnant. I am struggling to have #1. It's like there is something missing. I look in the back seat of my car and imagine what it would be like to have my baby there and wondering What's it like being a mum.
Questioning Why did this happen and why me ? What did I do so bad that I deserved this ?
I'm still in constant pain months after the D&Cs the gyno recommends I have another surgery to see what's going on. another surgery another risk.
I'm completely lost. I having been having panic attacks. They all started about 2 weeks after losing my baby. They seem to be getting worse. I felt like I cant breath. I am always crying even if its over something so silly I just fall to the floor and cry. I'm so lucky to have the husband I have that grabs me and just hugs me until I can stop crying.
When will this pain stop. When will I be able to stop crying. Where to go from here? Am I still fertile ? is there hope for me ?
So many questions.. No answers.
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07-07-2015 16:41 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
Sad and lost. My MC at 12 weeks. </3
07-07-2015 18:19 #2
I have no advice but just wanted to say be kind to yourself. Maybe put off searching for answers to all those hard hitting questions until you have given youself the time to grieve and heal somewhat, then tackle the big ones when you feel up to it. Im so sorry your going through this.
ETA you did nothing to deserve the loss and pain you are going through. Please do not blame yourself xx
Last edited by heplusme; 07-07-2015 at 18:22.
08-07-2015 12:32 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Hey hon, I'm so sorry to hear this. We terminated a pregnancy for foetal anomaly on 1 March this year and we had a miscarriage before I fell pregnant with him. I also had to have a d&c following birth (my little boy was still alive when they took me in) plus a repeat d&c eight weeks later, so I know how it feels seeing that all that emptiness on the ultrasound. My little boy's due date was tomorrow and it's killing me seeing all the newborns and pregnant women around me (everyone around me seems to be pregnant or has a newborn). Two things have helped me - seeing a psych and planning a trip overseas that we can't really afford. I feel like I need to remind myself that life can still be wonderful if can't have another child. I need to get some distance from my life right now.
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