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07-07-2015 12:36 #11
07-07-2015 12:45 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
You are very considerate. I recall only too well my reaction to finding out my exh was going to be a father again.. Let's just say I was livid given past comments from when we were married and I wanted a 3rd..
U are an amazing woman to be so conscious of the feelings of the exw..
I hope her response isn't too bad ...
07-07-2015 13:05 #13
Telling the Bio mother
With more info I would definitely go email option! Good luck!
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07-07-2015 13:51 #14
Just looking at your signature, are you only 6 weeks along?
If so (and it was me) I'd hold off until I was in the clear.
Maybe that's just me though as I've miscarried twice and I wouldn't take any of it as set in stone until at least the 13 week mark. Sorry, I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer as I'm sure you're ecstatic but I'm just thinking of the unnecessary grief the children would be put through should the worst happen.
I'm not sure the ex-wife needs to know so soon either.
Give yourself and DH some time to enjoy your news.
You might find once you tell the ex all sorts of other issues will crop up, enjoy the quiet time while you can.
Again, if it was me this is what I'd do.
07-07-2015 13:58 #15
just realised I never answered your question, almost hallucinating with exhaustion here.
07-07-2015 14:05 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
I've been in same situation and we waited to tell kids after 20 week scan and sent an email to ex same time explaining we had told kids and their reaction. We were concerned that the news would be told to kids before we got to tell them that's why we waited to email after. The other reason why we sent an email was to explain how we would tackle any questions about babies and where they come from.
Our decision came down to the fact that it affected our family first and ex second. The kids are part of two families and a new baby is part of their family. How ex reacts shouldn't affect the your family life unless it's negative. If it's negative well they're hurting their kids too.
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07-07-2015 14:28 #17
I agree with Phony. It seems sensible advise in this situation to wait a little longer before announcing. Maybe you could have an earlier scan (7-8wks) and announce once you see the HB?
Otherwise the email strategy sounds really good.
07-07-2015 15:20 #18
but waiting means she cant tell the kids or various others ...
so I would go with email, now.
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07-07-2015 17:04 #19
Despite our difference she has been really good with accepting me as part of their life, and I know that it will be difficult for her.
As a kid of a "broken" home, I recall my bio dad, and mum, finding out when the other was expecting from a source other than themselves.
I don't want to inflict that on anyone.
07-07-2015 17:05 #20
We're not saying anything to anyone until 10+ weeks
ETA: Also I work at the kids' school (and the kids knew we would be trying soon so are waiting), and have to let work know by 12 weeks. I don't want the kids finding out by someone approaching them asking how excited they are.
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