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  1. #21
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    What a tough situation for your poor friend to be in! On one hand that's great that he was honest enough to tell her. That must have been such a difficult conversation to have regardless of what end of the conversation you're on.

    On the other hand I can completely understand her not being sure in regards to if she wants to keep seeing him or not.

    I wonder if it would help her to go & see a doctor & find out exactly what all of this would mean for her if she were to pursue a relationship with him?

    If I was her, I would want to know if had protected sex, what would be the chances of her catching it? If their relationship goes well, would they ever be able to have unprotected sex or try for kids down the track?

    It would be scary to find out that your partner had this but I hope she is able to make an informed decision with accurate information.

    What would really scare me or put me off would be the potential of catching it yourself & having to deal with the ongoing health complications from it, especially if their relationship doesn't work out.

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  3. #22
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    I kind of read this with dismay because someone very close to me has been diagnosed with this (just to be clear, not me). She's very young and thought she was in love and she was sobbing saying she'll never find someone now. The fact is that there's no reason to think your friend will get just because he has it. He has to be having a flare up to be contagious and some people actually never get a flare up. My friend was diagnosed three years ago and has only had the one initial flare up. I think this sounds like an honest and brave man who's worth a go. Before they dtd, I'd see a good GP and get the facts and be clear about the best ways of preventing transmission. If they do that and follow the advice, I think the relationship will be like any other and she'll be fine.

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  5. #23
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    I tend to think that if he ticks the boxes, it might be worth pursuing a relationship after getting along the facts on risk and prevention. Indeed it is a risk, it is lifelong and it may take some of the spontaneity out of their sex life but I don't think she will definitely contract it.

    It must be terrible to be in his position, to get close to someone and make yourself vulnerable and fear that they will reject you for it.

  6. #24
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    Agree with the previous posts. Before making a decision, your friend needs to go and talk to someone about it and not just a GP - she needs to talk to the experts. Family Planning are the best people to talk to

    http://www.shfpa.org.au/

    IF she decides to continue the relationship and they end up having children together, she also needs to know about the impact HSV will have. IF she contracts HSV from him and has an active outbreak of lesions at the time of birth, there will be no option but to have a Caesarean section. If a baby contracts HSV it can makes them very very sick and also can be fatal, so no health provider will even contemplate a vaginal birth as the risks are far too great. I'm certainly not saying this to scare but also to point out what possible impacts there may be in the future.

    I certainly don't envy the position your friend is in. I personally would be more likely to pursue the relationship given he has been upfront and honest before even commencing a sexual relationship. But I'm not your friend and only she can make her decision. Just support her with whatever decision she makes

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    I kind of read this with dismay because someone very close to me has been diagnosed with this (just to be clear, not me). She's very young and thought she was in love and she was sobbing saying she'll never find someone now. The fact is that there's no reason to think your friend will get just because he has it. He has to be having a flare up to be contagious and some people actually never get a flare up. My friend was diagnosed three years ago and has only had the one initial flare up. I think this sounds like an honest and brave man who's worth a go. Before they dtd, I'd see a good GP and get the facts and be clear about the best ways of preventing transmission. If they do that and follow the advice, I think the relationship will be like any other and she'll be fine.
    My bold. This isn't actually true.
    It can be passed on without a flare up too.
    From betterhealthvic.gov.au
    The virus can be spread when there is an episode (a sore, blister, ulcer or skin split) or between episodes (when there is no sore, blister, ulcer or skin split present). This is called viral shedding. During viral shedding, you may not be aware that the virus is on the skin surface and can be spread through genital skin-to-skin contact, or from the mouth or face to genital skin during contact.
    As for not getting a flare up, some people who contract the virus don't have flare ups or any symptoms for years... that doesn't mean they won't get one again.

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    I honestly don't know what I would do. Maybe they can continue the relationship to see how it goes and just wait a while before adding "intimacy" into the mix.

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    The strain he had can also make a big difference on transmission, inbox me if you like I'd be happy to discuss this further in a less open domain

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    My bold. This isn't actually true.
    It can be passed on without a flare up too.
    From betterhealthvic.gov.au


    As for not getting a flare up, some people who contract the virus don't have flare ups or any symptoms for years... that doesn't mean they won't get one again.
    And that's a good reason to see a GP as well as this forum! People like me are sometimes wrong. I still say that if she follows proper medical advice with this guy that she's more likely not to get it than to get it.

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