I'm in two minds about this and wanted to see what other hubbers thought, because while this is a taboo topic, I'm sure it's not an uncommon one.
One of my besties has recently started dating a man who ticks all of her boxes. It's been a while since I've seen her giddy like this over a guy & she is such a lovely person she deserves to be this happy.
Fast forward and he drops the bombshell the other night that he has herepes.
Now while I personally admire the guy for being honest & letting her know before they DTD.. She is now unsure if she wants to persue a relationship with this guy..
As I said, I'm in two minds. I don't blame her for having 2nd thoughts considering an ongoing relationship with this guy will likely lead to her catching the STI eventually.
Would this be a deal breaker for you? Have you experienced this with a current or previous partnar? Given the sensitive nature of this topic lets assume every story is a friend of a friend in hope to get some honest answers.
Is she making a mountain out of a mole hill? Is herepes really a big deal? I can imagine it's not pleasent and tbh if it was me I'd probably be having 2nd thoughts too.
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23-06-2015 06:00 #1Senior Member
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- Feb 2015
TMI - STD/STI Related
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23-06-2015 07:31 #2
That is a really courageous question and I think you've posted a very well-written and interesting post. Fortunately I haven't had to deal with this, but my DH and I both had full STD tests before having unprotected sex, so it was something we were obviously both concerned about. I look forward to hearing the replies, it is a taboo subject, but I do admire the man in question for being honest.
23-06-2015 07:37 #3
Certainly a tricky one.., from my limited knowledge it can be rather nasty and it never completely goes away? It has flare ups?
I'm a little heart broken for your friend, and her potential partner
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23-06-2015 07:53 #4
23-06-2015 07:54 #5
Probably I would be thinking about children....has she already had them, will she be having more? Herpes can impact on your mode of delivery if you have an active outbreak.
I really don't know. I think I would be trying to educate myself about how effective condoms are at preventing transmission, perhaps a joint appointment at the sexual health clinic to have a conversation about it?
I wouldn't rule him out completely but would want to know if I could protect myself.
23-06-2015 08:05 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
The guy obviously respects her and wants to pursue a relationship with her. Good on him for being honest. Genital Herpes is more common than people realise - estimated at least 10% of the population have it. Often the first outbreak can be the worst and it can be very very painful. The virus can be managed with antiviral medications but obviously not cured, same as oral herpes (cold sores).
If your friend really likes this guy then I would suggest she visits a specialist STI clinic (with or without him) to discuss prevention strategies, the likelihood of contracting HSV when he is non-symptomatic and the possibility of contracting it while using condoms (they reduce but don't eliminate the risk).
It's a tough call as if she contracts HSV then they break up she will find herself in the position he is in. If he seems like a definite keeper I'd be holding off the sexual activity for some time and visiting the STI clinic for more info.
Really tough conundrum here! I haven't been in this position so I'm not sure which way I'd go with the decision. Would probably depend on where I was at in life and how lovely the guy in question was and a bunch of other things. One of those situations where a crystal ball would come in mighty handy
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23-06-2015 08:20 #7
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23-06-2015 08:52 #8
Firstly, what an incredible man for owning up to it and informing her. I have a gf who has herpes and hasnt informed her partner, and is planning on going 'whoops could have been either of us' if/when he breaks out. I ended our friendship because of it.
It is such a personal choice. Honestly i would hold off on sexual contact, seek medical advice and weigh up our options. ONLY if she can see a long term future with him. He will wait for sex if he is commited to her. Its not a position i have had to deal with, but i am so impressed with this mans honestly. It has to be worth looking into with medical professionals.
Last edited by heplusme; 23-06-2015 at 08:54.
23-06-2015 08:59 #9
Personally I think you know within a couple of weeks/months whether someone is the one.
If I felt he was the one I would keep going with the relationship despite the herpes. if not I would move on.
23-06-2015 09:11 #10
I think your friend needs to seek some accurate information from a health professional to see if it's possible for her to realistically protect herself against catching it.
I do think he scores points for being upfront and honest about it. Many wouldn't.
I'm not sure how I'd handle it if I was in her shoes, but I know I'd be terrified of catching it.
I have a good friend (female) who contracted it about 10 years ago. She's now married with children and another one on the way. I'm not sure how she went with broaching the subject with her husband because I've never asked her about it. It's pretty personal and not my business.
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