I had a "planned" c-section for DS1 as he was breech at 41w+6. I was so scared that I panicked and I had to have a general anesthesic at the last minute. I missed his birth, I missed being the first one to hold him and then spent his first days in an agonizing blur of pain and painkillers. I believe that this situation contributed to developing PND. When I was pregnant with DS2 18 months later I finally faced my sense of failure with my first birthing experience.
Based on my own traumatic experience I always urge people to talk about it, get the help you need to process what happened, and find forgiveness for yourself. Don't bury it in the blur of your baby's first few weeks and months of life. Face what happened and how you felt about it. Be gentle and kind to yourself now, because you need to be ok for your beautiful new child.
Best of luck and big hugs! ☺
+ Reply to Thread
Results 11 to 20 of 21
03-06-2015 17:17 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
The Following User Says Thank You to Happy Camper For This Useful Post:
03-06-2015 18:35 #12
Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm going to look into some counselling - pretty sure the home visit midwives have flagged me for high risk of PND anyway and the early childhood nurse will follow up with me in a couple of weeks.
It does make me think about maybe going with a private Ob next time to have some consistency. I loved some of my midwives but towards the end the inconsistency between their personal philosophies was really unhelpful for me, I would go to them for guidance and feel scolded sometimes and listened to other times which was quite confusing and unsettling.
03-06-2015 19:37 #13
My first came via EMCS at 37w and both the unexpected CS and coming early left me reeling. I don't think I really processed how much of a shock it all was. Logic told me that the CS was necessary, but I was pretty ill and always had doubts that maybe things could have gone another way.
5 years later with my 2nd I prepared myself for a VBAC which "failed" (what a horrible term! Who decided to call it that?). However, my 2nd EMCS was actually very healing for me emotionally. I felt very in control, well informed and given choices.
I did have a 'moment' the day after when a woman unexpectedly popped out a baby in about 10 minutes in the ward room next to me quite to everyone's surprise. I had a little cry, mourning the VB I would never have, but I didn't feel like dwelling on it. I knew my 2nd CS was the right thing to do given all factors and that lack of doubt with my 2nd birth really enabled me to let go of any lingering doubts about my first.
03-06-2015 19:53 #14
Congrats on the arrival of DS! I'm so sorry u had a traumatic birth experience. While I don't have a personal bad experience a friend of mine had a similar experience to u. She had therapy to work thru her feelings of guilt, abandonment and not having the natural birth she wanted. She was also going for a water birth too but because she was induced at 42 wks that didn't happen. She has had a second child now and it was a successful vbac and almost a planned home birth (meconium in her waters meant she had to go to hospital for the final push). I would also recommend doing a Calmbirth workshop before the next one and maybe get a doula too and/or an ob comfortable doing vbac. I did Calmbirth and so did my friend and found it very useful to cope with the stress of birth.
I think as long as u can work thru your fears, forgive yourself (because it's not your fault!) and keep talking to sympathetic people your next pregnancy and birth will be a completely different experience. Those little snowbabies of yours are happy in the freezer for now and will b ready when u are ☺️
Big hugs xx
The Following User Says Thank You to akakura For This Useful Post:
03-06-2015 20:31 #15
I had a pretty traumatic experience with DS - it was a vaginal birth, but he was 10lbs 3oz, 38.5cm head circ, and completely posterior through the entire birth. The entire 13 hr labour was back to back full on contractions, vomiting, the most horrific back labour.. After he was out and I was being stitched out I could hear some midwives out in the corridor having a conversation, basically saying 'I cannot believe she just gave birth like that'. I was in total shock. It hindered my bond with my baby absolutely. When I look back, I get a bit confused and angry that not one staff member at the birth (there were lots) offered any words of help? Every single person that I saw during my hosp stay (8 days) commented on my actual birth 'it is amazing you got him out', 'some birth, ey?!', etc. and yet the trauma and so on was never once touched. It left me feeling like I was so alone in my feelings. Even when I was this close to needing surgery at 4 months post partum to repair damage from the birth, not one medical professional asked me how it was on me emotionally.
anyway, I guess I just blocked that day from my mind. Dd's birth 4.5 yrs later (another vaginal birth but much different circumstances) was very healing for me.
03-06-2015 21:47 #16
You know 12 months ago I thought I was alone. I thought I had no right to feel this way and I just needed to get over it. Then I found a page on fb called Birth Trauma Australia.
My ds will be 4 in August and the emotional pain is still so raw. I was 21 and uneducated. I had a bishop score of zero also and consented to gel induction as I was '10 days over' and I thought that was just what happened. 1 lot if gel, 9hrs of labour, 'distressed' baby card, impatient ob and voila, a 9lb14oz baby boy was born. I felt terribly mistreated by the hospital staff. My husband was ordered to leave once I was put back on the ward as they swore nothing would happen overnight. I was told I would delivered a dead baby if I didn't consent to a caesar. I was alone! I was terrified! I was robbed. I reached out last year and finally sought help. I was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD.
I fell pregnant with dd 18mths or so after ds. The hospital was very supportive of my desire to vbac. I'd had prelabour symptoms for weeks so was at my 41wk appointment I was hopefully that there would be some change. Nope. None. Zilch. I went in for monitoring a few days later where I was given a 'talking to' by the head ob. I then received a call the next day telling me I was booked in for a RCS the next morning as that's what they felt was best. I was so ruined by this point that I completely gave up. I went in the next day and we met our beautiful 11lb1oz baby girl that afternoon. It pains me to say it but her birth was pleasant.
People's comments are what get to me the most. They fuel my own hatred for myself and the grief I have surrounding the loss of my dream births. But, I'm working on it. I've seen a birth trauma counsellor a few times now and I finally feel like I can see the light.
It's not true when people say that a healthy baby is all that matters. It's actually a pretty stupid statement. Of course that is what we hope for as mother's. But we matter too xx
03-06-2015 22:45 #17
How long after unplanned c-section / traumatic birth did it take you to heal ...
I also had a traumatic birth and have struggled to deal with it. My DS is nearly 2 and I have recently been seeing a psychologist. I don't think about the birth every day anymore, but I still have lasting effects, anxiety and have lost my sense of trust.
Due to complications I was induced, but that failed and it was decided best to have a c-section. I had a spinal, and despite after 45mins me still feeling the ice against my skin (when they were testing the level of numbness of the block) they decided by the time the surgeon prepped me I would be right to go. I felt my c-section. Being cut open, no one would listen to me despite my pleas. I could feel myself lifting my hips off the bed. I could feel everything. It wasn't until my midwife saw my legs jumping off the table she yelled at them to stop. I was then put out under GA and missed the birth of my son, as did my husband.
My son then came out with extemely low apgars due to the drugs and needed to be intubated.
For a long time I felt so guilty, angry, upset, going over it constantly in my head.
Seeing a counsellor after helped and then recently a psychologist. I also lodged a complaint and had a meeting with the hospital. I didn't get all the answers I wanted, but at least I was heard.
I have the paperwork to request my notes, not sure if that will make it better or worse.
Talk about it as much as you can/want. Whether it's a good friend, husband. I strongly suggest counselling, don't bottle it up. It will get better over time and you won't think about it every day but it will always be with you.
I am now going through IVF again for baby number 2. Sometimes I worry about how I will cope once i do fall pregnant and it gets closer to the birth.
Big hugs, I didn't understand birth trauma either before this...I just thought I'd do anything to get my miracle baby in my arms and as long as they are ok it will be fine. What a way to be educated!
Don't blame yourself, they are the professionals that do this everyday. This is in no way your fault and you should not have been made to feel that way.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that x
Last edited by Kellbell85; 03-06-2015 at 22:49.
29-06-2015 09:02 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
We had our bubs around the same time (same dig). I was diagnosed with PND around 5wks post birth. I had a csec (unplanned) and I found it traumatic being awake during the procedure plus the recovery I found really hard along with BF. I too had the community MW and child health nurses visit me. All I can advise is go and see your GP now and tell him/her whatever your feeling! It doesn't even need to make sense. It's better to get the help as early as possible even if you're unsure whether you need it or not. xx
29-06-2015 10:05 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
@ScubaGal, it will take as long as it takes hun. You have to be at peace with what happened and how, and only you can work through that (either by talking about it, or with counselling and/or sometimes just woth time). I know right now it probably doesn't feel like you will ever be ok with it. I do hope you can feel better about things soon, I also get it - Dd1 was quite traumatic and honestly I don't know how or when the feeling went away, I just know thinking about the birth doesn't give me anxiety anymore. Just give yourself permission to take your time to grieve, heal and be gentle on yourself x
29-06-2015 10:21 #20
Big hugs hun, I know just how you feel. I cried for weeks after the birth of my DS. I too had planned a natural water birth, I was in a birth centre and even managed to have several of my 22+ hrs of labour on the bath. I thought that's where he would be born. But no, after a certain period of time they fished me out of the bath to do an (extremely painful) internal only to find he was twisted and head high and would definitely not come out at his current position. Long story short I ended up with an emergency C at 2am, after 22hrs of active labour and no food/little to drink I was exhausted, shaking, crying etc and barely able to appreciate the perfect little baby that was placed on my chest. To add to this Things got worse as I had massive problems with milk failing to come in, bleeding nipples, and midwives that told me I was starving my newborn unless I agreed to formula.
You will feel better with time but it's extremely important to talk about it and not blame yourself. There are people that specialise in healing birth experiences (usually doulas etc) and I'd look into this in your area when you feel up to it.
My DS is now 4 and I just got my BFP for #2. I intend on seeing a doula to work through any feelings still hidden beneath the surface as I've heard they can resurface with the 2nd.
As for a VBAC I absolutely want to try for that, if and only if, it's safe for me and my baby to do so. It took me a long time to come to a state of mind where I'm ok if I never get that magical water birth. A healthy happy baby and mum is my priority. But if I can avoid a c/s I will do everything within my power to. But realising its not necessarily something I can control too.
Be kind on yourself x
By LysnDan in forum Premmie babiesReplies: 28Last Post: 11-02-2015, 13:15
By Em9 in forum Birth Trauma SupportReplies: 10Last Post: 12-11-2014, 19:59
By Em9 in forum Birth & Labour QuestionsReplies: 17Last Post: 28-08-2014, 01:09
The MAMA CentrePregnancy, birth & beyond care with your very own midwife. Home & hospital birth support, VBACs, antenatal & postnatal ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
WOW what a shockWorking Hubbers - Employed
IVF babies due Sep/Oct/Nov 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF
IUI QueryNon-IVF fertility assistance
Growth Of Intellection. Discussion?General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
Feature film callout to expecting mothers - melbourneMedia Requests
Really fast letdown causing vomiting?Breastfeeding Support
DS development concernsGeneral Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat