I have been with my partner now for 5.5 years. For 4.5years of that he has been physically and emotionally abusive. We have 2 children together and 1 on the way. He has recently started getting upset with the kids very easily and I think the time has come to leave. He never wanted children, and constantly tells the to bugger off and he can't stand them among other things. He tells me he is leaving regularly then never goes. He never apologises and blames me for everything going wrong in his life. I try to make it easy on him I look after the kids mostly alone I take them everywhere with me he rarely comes and when he does he whines the entire time so it's just easier to leave him home. Recently I thought things where getting better until I found him emailing another women he claims it was for my benefit because she has a child the same age as our youngest. I'm not so stupid and saw straight thought that big fat lie. I've had enough yet I'm scared of hurting him. No matter what he does to me or our children I know he loves us and can't stand o be with out us. But I can't live like this anymore I've already left I'm staying with family but he still thinks I'm coming home. I don't know how to tell him I'm not. The physical abuse I've suffered from him has affected my mental health but the emotional abuse has affected my confidence this is the reason I stayed so long. How do I tell him he won't be a part of my life anymore but he can still see his children. I'm scared for what he will do. Will he stalk us? Will he harm himself? Will he harm us? I'm so scared to stay and even more scared to leave. After any reassurance and advice as to how I can make this easier on us all. Thanks.
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29-05-2015 07:44 #1
Leaving an abusive partner
29-05-2015 07:57 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
I haven't been in your situation and so don't have any specific advice. Couldn't read and run though. You are clearly a very strong person and to make what I'm sure was a hard decision.
Sending you hugs and strength.
29-05-2015 08:13 #3
I'm sorry you're in this position. That sounds like such a difficult situation. It can be hard when you don't want to hurt someone but if your situation is not safe and is abusive, then you need to make the best decision for yourself and your children.
I don't know the process for how separating with children works but I'm sure someone else can help you with that.
I can answer the questions you asked at the end.
Will he stalk us? Honestly, possibly. I would be speaking with a DV counsellor so they can help you set up protective measures for when you decide to tell him.
Will he harm himself? Again, possibly. But you really need to remember that his mental health is not your responsibility. i know what it is like to have someone put that on you and you fear that they will hurt themself "because of you". It's not because of you, it's because of how they're feeling. It's horrible when people put that on you. If it did happen, you really need to remember that it's not your fault.
Will he harm us? Again, I would be speaking with a DV counsellor or the police or someone in your area who is able to help make the situation a little bit safer.
If you want to chat, don't hesitate to PM me.
29-05-2015 08:24 #4
Thinking of you and your babies. You are certainly a strong mumma
29-05-2015 09:08 #5
Firstly you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children and You are not responsible for his well being.
Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time. You need to have safe guards in place. I recommend talking to your local dv counsellor or officer. And deciding on a plan. Talk to women's legal service so you know where you stand legally.
Do you have somewhere safe to go and someone to confide in?
29-05-2015 10:53 #6
Thanks ladies. I do have somewhere safe to go and someone to help me. I'm guess I'm pretty lucky that way. I just want what's best for the kids mostly. He won't see it that way though.
29-05-2015 10:59 #7
you are doing the very best for yourself and for your children. when he realises what harm he is doing to everyone, he might be more helpful and less aggressive. his mind is not your responsibility. what he does or doesn't do for his own health and well being is not your problem. I am glad you have a safe place and someone to look out for you, but also make use of the police or a woman's refuge for advice and guidance. Take care, you are a strong woman, and you all deserve better. marie.
29-05-2015 19:08 #8-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
So sorry LNO that things didn't turn around with hubby and you are going through this.
I'm relieved to hear you have a safe place to go and support. Whatever you do don't go on the road with your hubby again - you need your support team around you and bub needs stable care.
Please chat with a domestic violence support person - if you don't know where to go for this service your GP or the local police station should be able to help. A support worker can help you plan for different scenarios
Please use this thread if you need to vent or just need support
30-05-2015 13:10 #9
Thanks ladies 😊 it is officially over and I'm happy to say it has not affected myself or the children yet. He is trying flat out to contact me and I will on occasion answer texts and calls to try to calm and stop him so I am not forced to change my number. Otherwise he has taken it reasonably well!
10-06-2015 15:03 #10
I am having trouble getting him to leave me alone now constant phone calls and texts and if I don't reply it's Facebook or he comes over!! 😔
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