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  1. #11
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Uniquey View Post
    to my DH and I, as it's our 10th wedding anniversary today.


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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I definitely do believe it can place a strain. I think having similar life goals and expectations is crucial to having a long term relationship.
    @blessedwith3boys - not everyone generally has the time frame to wait 10-15ys to be together to have kids. Nor can everyone predict how they will cope with the stresses of family life. unplanned pregnancies and even planned ones can place undue stress on a couple. Losing employment, death of loved ones, high stress lifestyles, sicknesses, high needs kids can all effect a relationship.
    This exactly. Until you have kids you don't know how you will want to parent. DH and I have disagreed on sooooo many aspects of parenting. High needs kids especially! Also childcare options, discipline styles, sleep training methods, PND, anxiety, stressful jobs.

    Many people's true colours come out too - once laid back women become stressed out anxious messes, once loving and sharing and nurturing men become abusive a**holes

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    I definitely get how hard it can be. Depends on so many things. I'd only known dp a year when I got pregnant, it was planned, rushed cus of our age but I think that's been an issue for us, we never had to deal with conflict and now with 3 kids and different opinions on parenting there's a lot!! In our case too me being sahm (accidentally) we've grown apart in many ways. He has his role and I have mine and mostly it feels like we live in different planets! I think having no family or back up here hasn't helped as we're so busy with house kids work etc we have no time for each other

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I definitely do believe it can place a strain. I think having similar life goals and expectations is crucial to having a long term relationship.
    @blessedwith3boys - not everyone generally has the time frame to wait 10-15ys to be together to have kids. Nor can everyone predict how they will cope with the stresses of family life. unplanned pregnancies and even planned ones can place undue stress on a couple. Losing employment, death of loved ones, high stress lifestyles, sicknesses, high needs kids can all effect a relationship.
    Did I say 10-15 years? By years I didn't mean that long.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    Did I say 10-15 years? By years I didn't mean that long.
    Yes there is some merit to the try-before-you-buy philosophy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    Did I say 10-15 years? By years I didn't mean that long.
    Well you said you were with your dh for 22yrs .... Your eldest is 7-8yo????

    That's how I came to that understanding. Meanwhile dh and I have been together for almost ten years and married for 6yrs.

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  10. #17
    Mod-Nomsie's Avatar
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    My df and I have been together almost 10 years an out boys will be 7 this year. We are due to be married next year and we are stronger than ever.


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    Hi-Five!

    DH and I have been together for 5 years this year. Our twins turn 4 in a few weeks and we'll be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary towards the end of the year. I can honestly say having kids brought us closer together and we're stronger than ever.

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    We have been yogether 23years and married for 22. 6 kids (4 with special needs) later we are more in love than ever before. We have been through alot and worked hard to get where we are now. It has been worth it.

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    Me and DH have been together 10 years. Having DD almost killed our marriage. We got back to a great place than had #2. DS was very sick and spent so much of his life in hospital, then DH got made redundant, DS had surgery and DD was diagnosed with ASD all within 12-18 months. We have had a pretty horrible year and our relationship has struggled. We have always stayed together for the kids first, us second. I wish our relationship was better but we have worked pretty friggen hard to stay together! We push through because we know it won't always be this hard.

    Also we were together 5 years before having kids, I don't think it's as black and white as "spending years getting to know them before having kids". We knew each other inside and out.
    Last edited by waterlily; 28-05-2015 at 19:22.

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