I'm not coping

[Sally1981]

I'm exhausted ladies. This is just too much. After terminating a pregnancy at 22 weeks in March for foetal anomaly I'm yet to get a proper cycle. I had a d&c post birth during which I had to hand over my son while he was still dying. I then had another d&c 8 weeks later for more retained products. I then bled for almost 3 weeks. 32 days out from the last d&c and I still haven't had a period. With 3 d&cs in 10 months (I had a mc before my son) I'm terrified of ashermans syndrome and becoming infertile.

I can't stop crying. I just want my cycle back so I can stop thinking about it and grieve for my son. I'm seeing a psych but what's the point? The physical stuff still hasn't resolved and I need to be on guard for when the next thing goes wrong. I can't go around trying to feel better with that hanging over my head.

I literally don't want to wake up in the mornings right now. I'm sick of seeing everyone else with their perfect freaking lives. They say everyone has problems but I can almost guarantee that no one else at work/park/cafe has buried their son after making the choice we did. And anyone who did doesn't seem to have this relentless physical cr.ap that doesn't resolve. I can't take this anymore

[MrsA2B]

I couldn't read and not send you enormous hugs, though I know that probably does a fat lot of good for you at the moment.

Please reach out to your support networks so they know you are feeling this way. I hope you get all the love and hugs in real life that you need.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Xx

[Mod-Degrassi]

Oh Sally, I can't imagine your grief

I don't think it's possible for anyone to just get on with life so soon after such a traumatic experience. I don't think you should be expected to be coping.

Have you connected with any ladies who've had similar experiences? I'm just thinking it might help just a little bit if you can receive support from people who truly know how this feels.

I hope someone here can offer something of great help, I really just couldn't read and run xxx

[Sally1981]

Thanks ladies. I have Facebook groups I'm part of but I'm even feeling alienated from them. The other girls who had their angels around the same time as me are on their second cycle now. It's the prolonged physical recovery that seems to be so rare after a stillbirth that no one seems to get both on a regular enough basis for me to find them.

[MaximumStarlight]

Have you tried the Pregnancy Loss Australia private group on fb? They've helped me after my baby's stillbirth

[GirlsRock]

I've followed your sad journey. I don't have any advice whatsoever but I wanted to send you love and hugs. Your last 12 months has been really horrible and it's totally understandable that you are struggling.

Please take care of yourself. xxxx

[chances]

Hi Sally, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss
I have a friend with a very similar story to yours, except she took several IVF cycles to conceive only to deliver her baby still born at 26 wks.
It took over a year before she become pregnant again via IVF and with twins! She is now expecting their third child. The world works in mysterious ways and I'm hoping you stay strong and believe xoxo

[lilypily]

Hi Sally I lost my baby 2 days before Christmas at 14 weeks. Only last week did I get AF back. I'm so sorry you are going through this

[Frankenmum]

Oh Sally I just wish I could reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug! Crying for you right now What you have been through is more than unfair, and that you're still having to deal with this sh#! is beyond unfair. I so hope that everything comes back to normal for you soon physically. Sending you hugs & strength xo

[Sally1981]

Thanks ladies, I'm so sick of being such a wet blanket. I'm on the PLA and BOH pages but I'm too depressed now to post somewhere that's not anonymous. There's an irrational part of me that wants a hysterectomy, just I know it's over. So I can stop trying and failing all the time.