Hi Ladies, I’ve been with my husband for 8 years now (married for ½ of that) im 32 he is 37
When we got together husband was in a lot of debt. I had a lot of money saved up saved up but never talk about it as I didn’t want it to make him want to be with me. We moved in together after his 30th birthday and I continued to work and put some of my money onto his debt. During my last 3 months of uni he supported me so I did not have to work. Following this I went back to work full time and put all my savings onto his debt and we paid it all off in one year!. We then got pregnant and married and I was able to gain access to my money so I did and together with his earning potential we were able to buy a house. We got a house which needed some work so I went back to work for 2 years so I could get some of the mandatory renovations done and then we would have another baby. The whole time I made sure he was not too stressed about money or our child.
We have been trying for our 2nd (and last) child for a few months and hubby tells me he does not enjoy being a family man and he is miserable with how our life is. He says our son takes away all his power and nothing he wants matters to anyone.
When I ask him who he what he means he says he wants to be able to drink and smoke and relaxes when he wants.
I told him it doesn’t work like that we are a team and we have both lost our old life but he have a wonderful new life together, we made it into the house market, have a beautiful child. At no point did he tell me that he does not want any of it.
My husband goes out the most out of all his friends, he still goes to sleep overs at his mates house where they get drunk (too drunk to drive home) and they go away for boys weekends (it’s now an annual thing) there are no other women involved or anything, I saw it more at a mental health thing that men need to just escape. All this mates are married with kids and all suffer the loss of their freedom I guess.
I do a lot on my own with my son and husband stays at home. I’ll take him to the park, to the shops, to a child’s party. Hubby becomes upset when he has to do anything like that because ‘that’s not his thing’
Recently my husband announced that our relationship is on the rocks. He has made me promise to try really hard to keep the house clean and try to have sex with him more often as he feel our sex life is dying (which it is sadly, sex once or twice a month only) but he does little to turn me on, he acts like a child and I don’t get horny after spending the day having to tippy toe around him and babying him, making sure our son doesn’t upset him or interfere with his ‘ralaxing’
He said he needs to smoke and drink as it’s ‘helping’ and that he is not ready to have a 2nd child. He told me he has already made arrangements with his mate to move in with him if things get rough between us. ( I was so shocked to hear this WTF)
At first I just took it all in, wanted to help and improve, I thought maybe he was having a nervous breakdown??? But now I am angry as he still says something is not wright and he cannot give me good reasons as to why our relationship is bad. He says things like ‘we don’t like the same pasta sauce’ and he never gets to eat creamy pasta souce as I don’t cook it. or when our son demands that his father join us on an outing when he decided that he would stay at home and our son is guilting him (our son is 4) To me these things sounds so petty! He can cook his own sauce and he wanted this child, why is he like this now???
I’m starting to feel frustrated and like I’m being taking on a ride, He has no solid excuse for any of this. I am thinking of telling him to leave and move in with his mate ( I already know he will hate it there) so he can find himself and live his life in a way that will make him happy. I can’t put up with his childish ways anymore. I want him to be a man but he is acting like a teenage boy who isn’t sure if he wants a girlfriend of is he just wants to be free to party etc. I never forced him into any of this!! he wanted it all, he told me how happy he was about the money, the house, the gorgeous child. Now he is not happy???
Should I do it, should I tell him to go?? I’d like to think that he would go and realise that no matter what life is just going ot be hard and that at his age, none of his mates will be living the life if a 20 yr old. They are all dedicated to their wife’s and children.
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26-05-2015 11:57 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
Should I tell him to leave??
26-05-2015 12:02 #2
Yes - tell him to not let the door hit him on the way out.
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26-05-2015 12:09 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Babybloom, have you reread your post? If it was someone else, what would you think? Everything you've said about him indicates you would be much better off without him. I'm astounded at your patience. It would not be ideal to bring another child into this situation.
It sounds like he's setting the scene to leave... Very sad. He's behaving like a selfish child. I'm sorry and I hope you are ok.
26-05-2015 12:10 #4
Sorry I have no sympathy for him.
You sound very strong and empowered, perhaps some time away from him would be good for you, if that's what you feel you want.
26-05-2015 12:11 #5
Oh hon, he sounds very confused, but incredibly immature and selfish
I would tell him to leave. Let him try out living with his mate and see what happens. He seems to think the grass is greener - let him find out it's not.
You and your child deserve better than this man-child.
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26-05-2015 12:18 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
Sounds incredibly childish. Just like an ex of mine.. I gave him his marching orders and do not regret it ever. Put all your energy and love into your little boy as he deserves it. You deserve to be happy.
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26-05-2015 12:22 #7
Yep. Tell him to bugger off and maybe he can come back if/when he grows up.
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26-05-2015 12:23 #8
Absolutely, without a doubt in my mind I would be telling him to sod off. Yuck. What a horrible husband he is being. I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of him, tbh.
26-05-2015 12:29 #9
it sounds like you already have 2 children
Does he make you happy?
Does he want to try to make things better between you? Not just you making adjustments to suit him but actually work on why your marriage is "on the rocks"
Marraige takes 2 people. Its not just you ... its him as well, and he has to make commitments and compromise and sacrifice.
He has to be a partner in your life.
If he isnt - then yeah I would tell him to go to his mates place for a temporary separation to see if he can work out what he wants. If he does that, and decides that he wants to be married and have a family ... then you can decide if you want him back. And he will have to earn that trust and that commitment from you.
26-05-2015 12:38 #10
By the tone of your OP, it sounds like you are completely fed up.
He expects you to bend over backwards for him, but won't give anything in return. You are not his mother, you're his companion.
I would tell him to leave.
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