This.I just want to wrap you up, hug you and then cry with you. I get it. As I know, so many parents on here do.
Lessons I learned:
1. It's not like the books/movies/internet says it will be and this unfairly causes guilt
2. I didn't feel overwhelming love at first sight with my DS. I felt guilty and hated myself. But the love comes, eventually.
3. Be vocal about what you want and need. I didn't and people couldn't read my mind
4. Ask/cry/scream/beg for help. Do whatever it takes. You're not a burden. Services are there to help, but the wait can be long. Whatever you do, don't downplay how you feel.
5. The idea of Super mum is bullsh!t.
6. Talk or write about how you feel. It can help and others can empathise or offer support
7. It took 2 to make a baby. Be clear with your partner about what you need. You don't have to do it all.
10. Be kind and gentle to yourself. I'm 8 months pp and I'm only just starting to feel like elements of me are back to my old self.
If there's anything you need, feel free to message
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22-05-2015 19:19 #11
The Following User Says Thank You to Lil M For This Useful Post:
22-05-2015 21:27 #12
You are not alone
You are doing a great job
Be kind to yourself
22-05-2015 21:35 #13
Hugs, OP. Some great advice here. I wasn't prepared for all the tears (mine!) either. Nobody really talks about it much, but completely normal.
I found things really improved at about 6-8 weeks, when my little one smiled at me and became a bit more interactive. Hang in there.
And, if it doesn't get better, there are lots of support services out there if you need them.
The Following User Says Thank You to JustJaq For This Useful Post:
22-05-2015 23:09 #14
Big hugs OP, please be kind to yourself.
I could have written your post 22-odd months ago, even down to the age and similar type of labour.
The early days are really, really hard. Your hormones are going nuts and you're probably sleep deprived, not to mention suddenly having this really needy, demanding little human to deal with.
I found the first months a real slog and it's only really been since my son has slept better, well after he turned one, that I could say I've been able to thoroughly enjoy him. My mum's group was a great support, but I also found coming to bubhub one of the biggest helps because it made me feel less alone and gave me hope that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
A big issue for us was sleep and I made good use of the Karitane and Trissillien help lines. Please reach out for support if you are struggling, there are people out there who want to help.
You are doing an awesome job mumma, be kind to you.
The Following User Says Thank You to calicocat For This Useful Post:
23-05-2015 19:13 #15Junior Member
- Join Date
- May 2015
Thanks so much for your responses, I cried reading through them and was overwhelmed by your messages and support when you don't really know me. It helps so much to know others have had similar experiences. My partner and I went for a long drive today - it was a nice day and just so good to get out of the house, it definitely helped. Ill try to get some time to myself, naps, help from others etc. I will also talk to my GP if things don't get better and I keep struggling, I appreciate the PANDA referral too xxx
23-05-2015 19:34 #16
Remember it's normal to feel overwhelmed in the first few week. Sound like you have a lovely supportive partner. However if you don't feel right and are still worried there's no ham in consulting your GP or calling PANDA to rule out PND. Hugs x
24-05-2015 08:52 #17
Subbing to reply later x
24-05-2015 10:20 #18
lots of great advice here
be kind to yoruself - being a Mum is a HUGE change, and it takes a lot of adjusting too. Its HARD.
The Following User Says Thank You to BH-KatiesMum For This Useful Post:
24-05-2015 10:34 #19
I know I cried a lot in the first few months and it was amazing to me when I was upfront about this with some of my friends how I got the same response, "I'm pretty sure I cried more than the baby". What you're feeling is really common.
You have to give up so much of yourself - who you are and how you live - when you have a baby. No one prepares you for how hard it is. And sleep deprivation is a form of torture! When you're tired from lack of sleep day after day after day it can be really hard to see the good in anything.
I struggled with peri-natal anxiety and sought professional help for it. Getting help was the best thing I ever did as I now have a fantastic support network of other mums that I met who were/are going through the same thing and we can talk openly about what's going on instead of trying to sugar-coat it to save face.
In those early days (and even now) I tried to let go of all expectations that I put on myself as they just compounded the feeling that I was failing at motherhood. I focused on making sure bub was cared for (fed, nappies changed, getting sleep) and making sure I got some rest when I could and had at least one healthy meal a day; I did not care if the house looked like a bomb hit it, and as for things like getting washing done and dinner being prepared, well, DH has two arms and two legs.
Seek help if you think you need it. It doesn't hurt to go to the GP and be assessed as it can be hard when you're sleep deprived and new to it to determine what is "normal".
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